I’ve just turned off the router and gone back to bed.

[Shuffleuplove]

3 tween boys, idle but cute. Single mum. Their attitude towards me is increasingly disrespectful and rude. I’m sick of constant bargaining and shouting from them, and my picking up after them. I normally am on the permissive end of authoritative but I’ve had enough of talking and reasoning.

Hand hold?

Op stay strong, you’ve got this.

A single mum here with two daughters and today I just feel broken. Because of lockdown I let them go on gadgets more and now they won’t do anything other than gadgets and getting them off is I imagine like weaning an addict off heroin. I have turned the WiFi off and don’t have a clue what I’m going to do next so I’m following this thread for ideas.

They do need to learn that women don't exist merely to clean up after men. So many threads on here with women saddled with living with 'helpless' manchildren.

@stealthninjamum

Op stay strong, you’ve got this.

A single mum here with two daughters and today I just feel broken. Because of lockdown I let them go on gadgets more and now they won’t do anything other than gadgets and getting them off is I imagine like weaning an addict off heroin. I have turned the WiFi off and don’t have a clue what I’m going to do next so I’m following this thread for ideas.

My DD has been a bit too reliant on gadgets and screens this last year as well. She has started pulling out all those craft kits that have been gathering dust since Christmas. Painted a tote bag yesterday.

If they can't find something else to do then they get delegated chores...guarantee they'll find something.

@stealthninjamum

Op stay strong, you’ve got this.

A single mum here with two daughters and today I just feel broken. Because of lockdown I let them go on gadgets more and now they won’t do anything other than gadgets and getting them off is I imagine like weaning an addict off heroin. I have turned the WiFi off and don’t have a clue what I’m going to do next so I’m following this thread for ideas.

Oh come on!

I've 3 DC. Gadgets / TV equally an issue. Also single parent.

I don't turn anything off.

I walk in, take device / switch off TV, and tell them what I need.

Assign jobs. They do them. Plan agreed.

This happens every day

Am I a super parent? I am absolutely not. Are my DC exceptional children who never act disrespectfully? They are not.

But they are called out on it daily. They are expected to do jobs each day, including cleaning, cooking dinners, tidying up, gardening ... they have screen limits and I stick to them.

And they have plenty of downtime, constantly ferried to their activities, and family time like cinema this week for example.

I don't find it easy, I do get frustrated, but I don't accept disrespect or unkindness.

I don't mean to be harsh but how hard can it be to give them jobs and expect them done? You hardly need MN for ideas.

I would channel the energy of a eastern religious devotee yourself, say very little apart from the word no. Smile thoughtfully at the remonstrations and stare off into the middle distance signalling the need for improved offerings. In about 4 hours they will promise all sorts but sustain little. Then you state the change - I would start with respect. No one disrespects me in my home, you can disagree, request alternatives, show your distress but not your disrespect. Good luck

The alliance was rejected. Youngest has got dressed and taken the dog out.

Middle is still giving it Boutrous Boutros Gali. “You make my lunch, and I won’t scream as much.”

Eldest is doing tagliatelle.

I’ve spoken quietly to all 3 and they’ve all admitted they have been pushing it.

Love this. The danger of this strategy in my house is that they eventually slope off into the garden to play football in the rain and smash a window.

Dig your heels in. Also when you reintroduce WIFI set some boundaries. So the minute things slip, it gets switched off.

Instead of giving them a list of demands I would initially get them to write down what each of them plan to do to address the situation. They need to show an awareness of what they need to be doing. Hopefully their list might even be longer than your original list. Then you can add if necessary, for example request an apology. Do plan something nice too, and see if you can authorise devices separately.

When DS would say 'you're so mean' etc when denied something my short response was always "Still love you". Better for my own blood pressure!

@Shuffleuplove

The alliance was rejected. Youngest has got dressed and taken the dog out.

Middle is still giving it Boutrous Boutros Gali. “You make my lunch, and I won’t scream as much.”

Eldest is doing tagliatelle.

I’ve spoken quietly to all 3 and they’ve all admitted they have been pushing it.

I do love a happy ending

Don't back down and continue to be consistent. Your lives will be so much better down the line. Well done!

Never give in, never give in, never give in - repeat to yourself ad infinitum ( works with dogs too).

No plans to reinstate the router any time soon. It is hidden beyond the wit of any boy.

Still lots of gobby behaviour. I think I’ll have a nice long bath.

Your middle child is an entitled little shit

Make sure you reward the youngest and oldest but keep punishing the middle until he bucks his attitude

Good for you. I’ve done this

And I once smashed the router no internet for a few days it was bliss

Its really difficult being a single parent i only have one ds constant power struggle at the moment

hats off to you

Yes. He’s a shocker. He is manipulated by his Dad a lot which doesn’t help. And is very emotional and stubborn.

However he’s also hilarious and has just said that if I put the router back on he will “sparkle with golden joy.” Still no.

@CigarsofthePharoahs

I have the Windows family safety app. "Oh dear, Roblox has mysteriously stopped working? Oh now how did that happen! Why don't you tidy up your room and we'll see if it's back when you've finished?" I can also turn off their amazon tablets remotely. Heh heh heh heh!

Some days though, you need a carrot as well as a stick. It's amazing how much cleaning a 10 year old boy can do if there's a trip to Greggs in the offing.

You MUST tell me how you turn off Amazon tablets remotely.

I’ve turned off the Alexa things from my Alexa app.

Am howling at your updates. My DS (18 and mostly a joy now) was just like your middle one.

That "sparkle with joy" comment would have been the kind of stuff he'd have said at the same age.

My favourite was "you're the worst mother I've ever had" at about age 8 ...he was curious we other me over something. I compounded his fury by laughing at the comment.

I'm glad I only have one teen DS, but I lived through 2 teen DD's - I have used the phrase this a dictatorship not a democracy to end the negotiation process - so he's a delight in comparison.

DS would sit on the PS & eat junk food all day if I let him & god forbid he's asked to do a chore clean up after himself then I'm the worst mum ever & he hates me to which my standard response is "you're not my favourite person at the minute either".

I find with girls or boys the key is to hold strong & be consistent even when the easier option is to cave. DD's are now lovely young women so hopefully DS comes out the other side as a lovely young man & hopefully it's soon

You could use the internet's idea of asking them to tidy up before giving them the new wifi password

Isn't the router switched on and off by pressing a button at the back? What's to stop them putting it back on themselves?

This is a great thread. OP, my respect to you.

I don’t know what middle one has been reading/watching, perhaps “Gone with the Wind” or similar because he’s just thrown himself on the stairs saying “aren’t I your only son?” No. No you’re not! He’s made himself some porridge now though so he won’t starve. Phew.

My parents used to take the landline with them so i bought a cheap one and plugged it in

was a shame when bt invented a code for blocking all outgoing calls

bastads