I’ve just turned off the router and gone back to bed.

[Shuffleuplove]

3 tween boys, idle but cute. Single mum. Their attitude towards me is increasingly disrespectful and rude. I’m sick of constant bargaining and shouting from them, and my picking up after them. I normally am on the permissive end of authoritative but I’ve had enough of talking and reasoning.

Hand hold?

Stay strong OP.

Hang on in there; I think leaving them to work out that the quickest way they'll get connectivity back is to show willing won't take that long. And in the meantime enjoy the peace.

My dad cut the plug off my bedside lamp as a teenager because he was sick of not being able to wake me for school because I'd been up all night reading. Was most bemused to find it working again the next morning, until I pointed out that he'd taught me how to wire a plug for a brownie badge some years previously...

It's a bit late in the day to be setting boundaries as they are so much harder to bring into line at this age, but better late than never. Good luck

I am getting up the courage to encourage DS (8) (who is otherwise a good little boy) to stop using the floor as a waste paper bin/wardrobe. Literally everything goes on the floor and is never put away or hung up.

I’ve taken the PS4 to work

Took photos to show it was safe

Not he plays on his laptop that’s harder to manage as needs it for school work

@ThePluckOfTheCoward

Threatening to send them to boarding school or a children's home might work, as well as telling the middle one that his father doesn't want him living with him because of his behaviour. I am very, very evil though. 👿

Please don't threaten to send a child to a children's home. It's a vile thing to say to any child.
Children are not in children's homes due to bad behavior.

Well done OP. Mine are slightly younger than yours, but also have a manipulative STBXH and ASD/ADHD to throw into the mix. I cracked this morning and hid all devices until the house was clean. It was quite incredible to see just how long it can take to clean a bathroom, but clean it now is. I rewarded them with coca-cola and packed their sugar/caffeine fuelled frustration off to their ‘D’F’s for the rest of the weekend. Pahahahahah.

Loving your work @OutDamnedSpot

Good for you. You’re doing the best for them in the long run.

I work with a lot of young people in their first job. It is evident which ones have parents who have raised them reaching consequences of bad behaviour. Some of them constantly backchat, and are downright rude if you ask them to do something they don’t fancy. They obviously get away with it at home and are loaded with the latest gadgets/clothes/pocket money.

@worktrip mine were good little boys when they were 8. Now they’re hairy food bins.

[quote Shuffleuplove]@worktrip mine were good little boys when they were 8. Now they’re hairy food bins.[/quote]
Please don't disturb my smug peace of mind lol.

Motherhood can be tough. Sending you love and understanding.

I've got a 4yo who I swear is really 14. But just now its crying for peppa bastard pig. Been told she can watch some if she behaves. So currently an angel until the baby needs fed then she turns into chucky again as I can't abandon the baby.

Bargaining and reasoning are your problems here. If you want less shouting and arguing you need to become more authoritative. Set clear rules with clear and consistent consequences, and stick to them and what you say. You'll have a few weeks where it will initially get worse and then your life will be so much easier. You can do this and still be loving caring and fun; the two things aren't mutually exclusive.

Kids thrive with clear boundaries. They want to know when they are doing the right thing that will mean praise. Having unclear boundaries just creates confusion and stress. And unhappy kids. If they are screaming and shouting or crying and tantruming they aren't happy either.

OP, this needs to be a regular thing. You need to curfew the internet for this to have any affect.

@RavingAnnie “ Bargaining and reasoning are your problems here. ”

I agree - however, absolutism is very stressful to some people with ASD and they feel the need to be in control of their environment and changes to that can trigger a meltdown. Not a tantrum, a meltdown. It’s hard to walk that line - discerning what’s neurodivergence and what’s standard issue tween arseness.

@Wonkyspecs

I've resorted to taking the router to work with me in the past...had to be done. One time I even resorted to getting my kitchen scissors out and cutting the plug off his playstation . Not my proudest moment but he got the message. Stay strong x

My Dad very memorably cut the plug off my stereo when I was a twatty teen - it was extremely effective!

Hang in there OP and well done!

ASD or not , they have learnt to speak to you like shite from their father. They will go on to speak to their spouses like this if they aren't taught that it is unacceptable.

I remember slamming my bedroom door when I was 15 after arguing with my dad. He made me open and close every single door in the house for an hour, he said very calmly that he owned all the doors in the house, if I didn’t know how to open and close them properly, then he would remove my bedroom door for ever !!
I never slammed a door again after that as I knew he would follow through with his threat!!
Both my parents explained only once what we could or couldn’t do and the impact of not following what they said. They always, without fail, followed through their threats, regardless of how my sister and I apologised or pleaded for a different punishment.
I can remember being made to stay in after school for a week, was told to do it with good grace and stomp about, I did stomp about and moaned, so another week was added on😱. (Was obviously pushing my luck despite knowing the consequences).

Can I just say I am in awe how well you are managing this with what seems like a good sense of humour

My mum removed all my fuses from the plugs of everything in my room as she realised being grounded didn't bother me as I would just go to my room and watch TV or play snes

@Shuffleuplove

Middle one has just asked to use my hot spot! Ha ha ha! No.

No I haven’t given them a list specifically. I’m sick of the shit attitude. Eldest was this morning lying on the sofa eating lolly ices, surrounded by wrappers. Youngest was in the dark in the front room, naked, refusing to dress or walk the dog who then weed.

I’m going to let them enjoy the silence for a bit and then issue my demands.

The little yobbos! Time for some home truths. Go Mamma!

Of course, one day they will be 26, 24 and 22 or whatever - they will take you out for mother's day in their smart shirts and you will be so proud of your handsome young men!

But ya got to suffer before that time comes.

@ViciousJackdaw you can be supportive you know, even if you don’t understand ASCs.

@Shuffleuplove

The alliance was rejected. Youngest has got dressed and taken the dog out.

Middle is still giving it Boutrous Boutros Gali. “You make my lunch, and I won’t scream as much.”

Eldest is doing tagliatelle.

I’ve spoken quietly to all 3 and they’ve all admitted they have been pushing it.

Tagliatelle is a nice gesture, to be fair.

Middle sounds like a bugger tho.

You should publish an anonymous memoir about these years @Shuffleuplove

It's quite funny and entertaining.

[quote Shuffleuplove]@worktrip mine were good little boys when they were 8. Now they’re hairy food bins.[/quote]
My boy is 10 and still lovely.

Girl is 12 and increasingly sullen/withering.