I’ve just turned off the router and gone back to bed.

[Shuffleuplove]

3 tween boys, idle but cute. Single mum. Their attitude towards me is increasingly disrespectful and rude. I’m sick of constant bargaining and shouting from them, and my picking up after them. I normally am on the permissive end of authoritative but I’ve had enough of talking and reasoning.

Hand hold?

Hugs. My kids used to do this to me too - still do, sometimes. I've had some spectacular meltdowns.

I took the router to the shops with me once. Took it for a leisurely cuppa while I was at it.
There was uproar.

I know you're being a bit lighthearted in some replies, and I've 3 DC about the same age too, so I do get it
BUT

I think this is a bit pointless. Turning off router, fine. But now you need to specifically address 1. Their attitude & the implications of speaking to you that way and 2. What you need them to do 3. Your plan for you all to do something nice together.

(I know you plan to give a list. But hiding away while they storm around doesn't seem a great idea & just winds them up. Their attitude is wrong & unacceptable and you need to start there.)

@Redtartanshoes

When I was a teen my mum used to take the phone (actual landline) to work with her to stop my sister being on it all day and running up a huge bill.

😂 brilliant!

You need to channel Judge Judy - ‘As long as you live in my house, I own the air you breathe’.

Strong parenting with clear boundaries and an expectation of due respect creates strong, capable men and women.

“I’ll put my bike away but that’s bloody well it.”

If any child ever spoke to me like that even once, they never would again.

And you ALLOW them to swear and speak to you like that by saying "it's up to you how you behave"?

That's your problem. They sound ill-disciplined, bratty and rude. You've made a rod for your back. That middle child would have his bike given away the very next day. You are not doing them any favours by allowing them to speak to you like you're a bit of shit. Give me five minutes with them!

I sometimes used to change the WiFi name to ‘tidyyourroom’ ‘thekitchenneedscleaning’ etc. And then the password to ‘mumisamazing’. And sometimes just took the router to work. There was always ample warning.

when I was about 10 I used to chat with my friends on the phone for ages after school instead of doing my homework.
so my dad, frustrated & not thinking it through, decided to handcuff me to the bookshelf where the phone was.

He was so surprised when I just laughed and said "ok, but now I can't do anything else but be on the phone, how is this a punishment?"
🤣🤣🤣

So whatever you do next keep a cool head and think first!

@NeonDreams

“I’ll put my bike away but that’s bloody well it.”

If any child ever spoke to me like that even once, they never would again.

And you ALLOW them to swear and speak to you like that by saying "it's up to you how you behave"?

That's your problem. They sound ill-disciplined, bratty and rude. You've made a rod for your back. That middle child would have his bike given away the very next day. You are not doing them any favours by allowing them to speak to you like you're a bit of shit. Give me five minutes with them!

Just out of interest wise one, what precisely would you do?

Go onto your router, name everyone's stuff.
Tell them they WILL be Locked out if they miss behave.
Post the rules on the fridge.
Oh and do the wooden spoon thing, when having a family talk. It so helps if the spoon holder knows they have a say, and you also get to say well you never spoke up when your turn.
Get them to set the punishments.
So again your not to blame.

Well done, OP.My {Now adult} son said he began to repeat me when I got tough and carried threats through.

Do not bargain.

Be firm but fair!

It's very hard ... I had my door panel axed in with a chopper when I wouldn't unlock door to get his phone..{He was supposed to be doing homework}

It was incredibly tough.

But be weak at your peril.

Stand firm.

Definite handhold!

Edit :Respect not repeat {Predictive}

Eldest is attempting to broker an alliance with middle one.

I have the Windows family safety app.
"Oh dear, Roblox has mysteriously stopped working? Oh now how did that happen! Why don't you tidy up your room and we'll see if it's back when you've finished?"
I can also turn off their amazon tablets remotely. Heh heh heh heh!

Some days though, you need a carrot as well as a stick. It's amazing how much cleaning a 10 year old boy can do if there's a trip to Greggs in the offing.

@Shuffleuplove

Yes eldest will capitulate first. Youngest will crack I the presence of cake, which I will eat. Middle one: omg. He has the will of an eastern religious devotee. He’s lying on the floor screaming “pack my things. You’ve ruined my life, evil one.”

My friend once told his son who was leaving home age 11 or something to strip naked before he left. He said you came into this world naked and everything you have I have provided for you, so you leave as you arrived. Son changed his mind pdq.

However, not sure I would try this on your middle one, he might just comply. Is it too early for

redtartanshoes

We had a phone lock.

My folks employed the ‘take the phone to work’ stance when we learned to pick it.

Feeling your pain.

It sounds hell... I only had the one, and that was hard enough.

Boys I think really do respect firm boundaries.
The dog weeing though Is it a pup? ...I think an adult does need to be responsible for any pets, making sure they are taken outside &c.

Clearly the kids currently aren't responsible enough to see to the needs of an animal, so an adult needs to do it.

I have a puppy again, and had forgotten how much hard work they are..Like a toddler, into everything, but again, firm, fair boundaries, repetition and a routine helps.

Re the wee... Clear it up with a ''Urine Buster'' enzymatic cleaner, it helps stop them peeing in the same place again.

I'd just put it back on and tidy up yourself. Be assertive not aggressive. Aggressiveness gets you know where.
Assertive. If you pick your pants up and pop them in the basket then your room is tidy and it makes life easier for mum. Put your bike away otherwise someone will trip over it and break a leg. If that's me then I can't go to work and can't pay for the Internet or your devices

My older teens were trained via the turn off the router method of parenting. I once turned the electricity off (can isolate just the sockets the Xbox was plugged into).
Stand firm.

There is also a phone app you can install on the mobile, that lets you lock it.

Brilliant...loving the updates. Can see this ending up on Classics

I’m used to put the router in the boot of my car

II'd just put it back on and tidy up yourself

And teach them that mum is all talk and ignore because she’ll tidy it up anyway. OP is past the point of reasoning. WiFi is the currency here.

@MintyCedric

Brilliant...loving the updates. Can see this ending up on Classics

Really? I don't see anything about it that merits a Classic thread.

Each to their own but I think it's all a bit ridiculous. It isn't funny at all how her middle DC has spoken to her. Rather than playing games with the router, I think OP should be talking really clearly to them about what's acceptable, giving them a list of jobs, and then doing something together as a family.

But that's just me - OP can of course make her own parenting decisions.