I’ve just turned off the router and gone back to bed.

[Shuffleuplove]

3 tween boys, idle but cute. Single mum. Their attitude towards me is increasingly disrespectful and rude. I’m sick of constant bargaining and shouting from them, and my picking up after them. I normally am on the permissive end of authoritative but I’ve had enough of talking and reasoning.

Hand hold?

@Pashazade
The key to the padlock should be well hidden and a fake key on the necklace.

These kids are too clever

oh dear theyve really pushed it this time havent they

You know what this means?

they know where the laundry room is

@Justkeepleft Good point!

Oh the wretches.
This is war..... You have till Sunday to get a plan together..
Ex. Tell them you have cancelled internet altogether in view of the last counter attack.
Remove all consoles send to Granny's before their return.
Tell them you will consider reinstating when X Y Z jobs are done, ( for life)
This may include.
Bed making, Laundry, washing up, cutting grass. With no begging on your part.
No internet after 9 pm, or earlier depending on their performance. This can be adjusted according to each DCs attitude.
If they enjoy sports , maybe they should pay their own subs, earned doing chores. Or Get there by bus, or bike if you taxi...

I could keep on all night...

If they don't know they have a mole in the encampment, remove it just before they return and lock it away.

Then tell them that somebody must have come in and stolen it, so you've cancelled the contract and there's a compulsory waiting time of nine months before you can get a new one.

@sashh

I don't turn anything off.

I walk in, take device / switch off TV, and tell them what I need.

Slight contradiction there.

I think that's my post you're quoting? It's a while back now!

No, it's not contradictory. It relates to the context of the thread of the time, and the rest of my post. The first sentence was in reference to me not turning off the router/WiFi. The second was what I did do, which was to turn off the TV, Switch itself, and ask them to do certain jobs.

That was posted early in the thread when OP had just switched off the router & had left them to it. The thread has moved on a lot since then & OP has been talking to her DSs about what's needed.

Ok, they are back from Daddy’s which includes 24/7 internet/gaming. The router is still not plugged in. Much as I would like to bin it off entirely, I think I need a firm reinstatement plan that works for all of them.

Ideas please!

Daily change of the password.
Set criteria for each of them being given the password. This can be defined chores, or just No Backchat for the previous 24 hours

No wifi code until all chores are done.
So they can have it in the evening when their chores are completed.

@Shuffleuplove

Pfft I wish I didn’t have to write these posts and that they were the well rounded pleasant obedient people that the woman at NCT said I would get if I didn’t have an epidural.

😂 Please write a parenting book

You need to have easy to follow rules and consequences of them not being followed (along with the good stuff if they do follow the rules). Then you have apply the rules fairly and every single time! The first rule is not negotiable.

1 - No rudeness to mum - at all! If there is, the router is gone for a week.
2 - Don't fight between you - consequence of doing that - router gone
3 - Daily chores to be done - not a half-arsed attempt but actually done - consequence of this happening is that the daily password will be given to them, if they aren't done, they don't get the password for the day.
4 - Sharing of daily passwords will result in all of them losing internet privileges for a week! (I put this one in as they sound like if one of them got the password, they might share it with another and think they are being smart).

You will have to keep an eye on the number of devices connected through the router.

That's what I would come up with

I'd have a family meeting to discuss a fair share of chores, attitudes to each other etc.
Draw up an agreed rota of chores for each of them. They need to do the chores unprompted. Also talk about how they need to respect you and each other.
There might be some mileage in making them a team and everyone's chores need to be done properly ( by the correct person) before the router goes on/ password given. They will then monitor each other (respectfully of course) and you won't have to nag!!!

We have had a series of meetings and breakout sessions, plus a plenary first thing this morning and some guidelines have been put in place. Rules will be followed, areas of responsibility have been designated.

But, when I tried to get the router to work again, not everything connected properly. It’s taken ages and several reboots but we are getting there. The telly in the back room won’t connect and middle one, who fancies himself as a tech expert, explained that “it’s like the telly just doesn’t fancy our router any more. It’s saying “you used to be fine but now you have bits stuck in your teeth. No thanks.””

The telly doesn't fancy the router any more

Because you children were such rude, disrespectful arses

#consequences

Your children have inherited your wicked sense of humour

@LookItsMeAgain

You need to have easy to follow rules and consequences of them not being followed (along with the good stuff if they do follow the rules). Then you have apply the rules fairly and every single time! The first rule is not negotiable.

1 - No rudeness to mum - at all! If there is, the router is gone for a week.
2 - Don't fight between you - consequence of doing that - router gone
3 - Daily chores to be done - not a half-arsed attempt but actually done - consequence of this happening is that the daily password will be given to them, if they aren't done, they don't get the password for the day.
4 - Sharing of daily passwords will result in all of them losing internet privileges for a week! (I put this one in as they sound like if one of them got the password, they might share it with another and think they are being smart).

You will have to keep an eye on the number of devices connected through the router.

That's what I would come up with

☝️These are the ways.

Your middle son is quite likely going to be our overlord one day, so I can imagine it's quite tempting to keep him sweet, but if you don't put in the work now - on all our behalfs - humanity could suffer...

It’s saying “you used to be fine but now you have bits stuck in your teeth. No thanks.””

Priceless

Middle one lost his rag again today so his PlayStation is now in my car. He was admittedly hot and bothered and hungry but all the same he was miles out of order.

We sat in the garden tonight and played hangman, which is always intense as he is completely dyslexic, and has to keep running off to check his spelling. Tonight he chose “perspective” which I said was a good choice. Then he did “Your momma” which was less impressive.
I had to listen to the excruciating experience of him doing his alphabet. Bearing in mind he is 10, and has the intellect of a drugs baron, it’s always jarring to hear
“ABCDEFG HIJK lemonella pee.” He never gets past that bit...

TBH as they do 24/7 on line at their father's they can do without it at yours

Exactly.

So familiar! Ours was emma,lemma,pee.
We also had eleven, twelve, thourteen, fifteen for ages.

DS1 is an IT systems manager, DS 2 (couldn't count) an accountant.

Hang in there.
I was, at various times, 'worse than the Dursleys' and ' Ugly old troll'.

They are gorgeous, loving young men now. This too will pass.

That’s a lovely post, @picklemewalnuts! Thankyou! Big kiss!

We have a grandson aged 4 who's like your middle one. His dad reckons he'll either conquer the world or end up in prison. He's so clever but gets into so much mischief 😂😂

@Shuffleuplove I was almost excited to see there were more posts on the thread. So pleased to hear your updates and there you are holding firm with the boundaries. I really hope they start to be team players and respect you. Go girl!