I’ve just turned off the router and gone back to bed.

[Shuffleuplove]

3 tween boys, idle but cute. Single mum. Their attitude towards me is increasingly disrespectful and rude. I’m sick of constant bargaining and shouting from them, and my picking up after them. I normally am on the permissive end of authoritative but I’ve had enough of talking and reasoning.

Hand hold?

My husband turns ours off every so often when the kids overstep the mark. They are generally livid for a day or 2 then we get normal, cooperative teens/tweens back. It does them good to have a break from tech from time to time.

I have people staying for 2 nights and they need WiFi to work from home so the router has been secretly reinstated. No one else has noticed. Generally behaviour has been better and certainly they’re working out that Things Are Changing.

A new deal was brokered by middle one. He said (all smiley and kissy) “instead of getting rid of the router to make us nicer, I have a better idea! Just turn the router back on, and give us more money and then we will all be good!”

Their entire screen/gaming is restricted to one ancient telly in the lounge. There’s one remote for it, which is a bit battered and it took ages just to get it on to the football last night. Currently it’s stuck on QVC. Don’t care.

@mylifestory

I dont mess with the router, i just hide the devices! I did it for a whole day yesterday. If u refuse to go to sleep til 11pm midweek for no reason then i will have to put up with the grouch the next day who will still get up at 6am!

When you have an idiot ex, that just gets an 'I paid for it, you're stealing MY property'. But when you take your own router, you're doing as you wish with things that you own. So arsehole exes can't undermine you with their own logic.

I love the deal offer. Do you want to talk to the wall?

What was your response to that fantastic offer made by Middle-For-Diddle child???

Just checking in to say well done for sticking to your guns. Keep going!

@Shuffleuplove

Middle child is destined to be Leader of the World!

Sweetpea yes. My parents took middle one for lunch and he charmed the golf club, and when someone asked him what he was going to be, he said “arms dealer”.

@Shuffleuplove

Hahahalol! I have one just like that! We never knew what gems were going to come out of his mouth...he's in his 30's now.
One of my favourites was, "What's a little kid gotta do around here to get some sleep?"
After he'd gone missing for hours on a camping trip and we'd been screaming his name in a panic...he'd actually just gone in the tent ( unbeknownst to anyone) to take a nap under a pile of crumpled sleeping bags...so when other child checked the tent for his brother, he didn't realise cheeky brother was curled up fast asleep.

@Shuffleuplove
Have you written his gems down on paper? Fun to read them many years later!

Poor you, girls aren't much better. My two are 18 and 19 and still super selfish. Just waiting for them to leave home (yay!!)

Are you my next-door neighbour? 🤣

@Shuffleuplove

Sweetpea yes. My parents took middle one for lunch and he charmed the golf club, and when someone asked him what he was going to be, he said “arms dealer”.

Would that be prosthetics or ammunitions?

OP,
You have made me smile.

I remember our "zero tolerance" episodes when the router would be turned off, funnily enough once you really give them one long hard dose of a couple of days they believe you and quickly snap back into better behaviour to avoid armageddon.

I definitely found the needed to detox and ours weren't on that much comparatively speaking to today.

I loved the various peace emissaries that were dispatched to negotiate on behalf of them all.

Stick to your guns as long as you can and extract the best terms, possibly in writing.

A friend of mine was inclined to put things down on paper and get them signed after big blow ups, she would pin the contract to the wall so everyone knew the terms of the ceasefire.😁

The earlier you nip things in the bud and get them helping out, the better.

You sound like a great mum, that has somehow kept her sense of humour.

@Shuffleuplove

Sweetpea yes. My parents took middle one for lunch and he charmed the golf club, and when someone asked him what he was going to be, he said “arms dealer”.

Or he could be planning to become an undercover cop like James Acaster. In hi stand up he said; You can't tell people you want to be an undercover cop. Then when you are undercover as an armsdealer they say " hey didn't you want to be an undercover cop"......the sting is blown. . Ds2 made em think of that.

[quote Shuffleuplove]@RavingAnnie “ Bargaining and reasoning are your problems here. ”

I agree - however, absolutism is very stressful to some people with ASD and they feel the need to be in control of their environment and changes to that can trigger a meltdown. Not a tantrum, a meltdown. It’s hard to walk that line - discerning what’s neurodivergence and what’s standard issue tween arseness.[/quote]
I have raised one child with ASC and ADHD, plus I have ADHD myself. I understand the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. I don't understand your reference to absolutism, having clear rules and boundaries doesn't mean not taking into account the child's needs and opinions, or indeed, when appropriate, involving them in the rule making. What isn't helpful is constant bargaining and reasoning and discussing , and even worse, saying yes, after saying no - all of which ultimately leads to constant arguments and shouting and stress and constant pushing back and everyone being confused and unhappy. For example, you may discuss and agree on a bedtime with an older child, but when it comes to implementing the agreed bedtime, that's not the time for the discussion and bargaining and reasoning.

Obviously parenting a child with a PDA profile is another matter entirely.

Well done for sticking to your guns OP!!

I have never laughed so much at your posts. You should keep a diary of these antics and publish a book. Best seller!

Pfft I wish I didn’t have to write these posts and that they were the well rounded pleasant obedient people that the woman at NCT said I would get if I didn’t have an epidural.

Middle one laid it on super-thick this morning before school. He hates writing and drawing but he got the pencils out and did a masterful representation of basic Space Invaders, and cut out little bullets, and the then was sliding them up the page to kill the aliens. I told him it was a lovely picture and he didn’t even look at me and said “This is what I’m reduced to.”

@Shuffleuplove respond with artwork of yourself as Ms Pac-Man eating their fun and privileges one by one?

💐🍰☕️

[quote MrsToothyBitch]@Shuffleuplove respond with artwork of yourself as Ms Pac-Man eating their fun and privileges one by one?[/quote]
😂😂

@Shuffleuplove

Middle one laid it on super-thick this morning before school. He hates writing and drawing but he got the pencils out and did a masterful representation of basic Space Invaders, and cut out little bullets, and the then was sliding them up the page to kill the aliens. I told him it was a lovely picture and he didn’t even look at me and said “This is what I’m reduced to.”

I'm actually howling. I love it

@Shuffleuplove

Thankyou for your encouragement. They gang up on me!

There’s lots of door slamming and “this is all your fault”.

Remove the door. Seriously, remove the door