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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Treated like a maid in this house, so I've booked a cleaner!

242 replies

butterflies218 · 10/07/2021 01:30

I have endometriosis, which is currently crippling me (been bleeding non stop for 19 days now)

So DH has gone camping for the weekend with friends (he's not the issue, he works 7 day weeks running his own business) on the occasion he takes a day off (rare) he will absolutely do his own laundry, my laundry, gardening etc when I haven't managed to do it because of pain.

The problem is his sister who lives with us! They moved in 3 years ago, his Mum basically kicked her and her boyfriend out as she wanted extra space (don't get me started on MIL).

I work 12 hour days, as does DH then he does his admin and paperwork when he gets home.

He works 9-5 from home, she is furloughed, NOTHING gets done, we've had numerous talks, they don't even empty a clean dishwasher, they leave their shit stacked up on my kitchen sides, their laundry by the washing machine, play Xbox in their room, never ever have picked up the hoover since they've lived here.

We agreed they move in for a year (3 years ago!) they saved to go travelling and went travelling for a year, the first year they were great, then came back to save again to go back travelling and covid hit. No travelling. So they've been in the house 24/7. They are moving out next month (thank the lord).

I got home tonight, DH away, they'd left to go visit his parents for a week 4 hours away, my house was a tip! I've been a mess all week with pain, bleeding, new medication etc. They left their pans with burnt super noodles in the bottom on the kitchen side, plates stacked up (I emptied the dishwasher last night Hmm), no water in the dog bowl, shit stains in my toilet, piled the recycling so high it's ripped over.

I lost my shit, called my husband, told him I was booking a cleaner for tomorrow as I'm in too much pain to lug the hoover about and clean and I sent a message to our group chat telling them they will be picking up the £70 bill. This is fair to me seeing as neither myself or DH leave dirty plates on side/don't clean our shit stains off toilet/don't leave our room an absolute dive/spilled orange pasta sauce from lunch on the cream sofa cushions.

They've read and not responded. They pay us £200 each a month rent. Food, sky, laundry products included and I feel like they've just taken the piss out of us since covid hit.

I've had an arsey text from MIL "I think booking a cleaner is unreasonable and to then charge them for it, it's very petty" sorry? I work my arse off, as does DH and I clean every weekend and do our laundry, this weekend I cannot as I am in awful pain.

Please tell me AIBU? I'm so sick of this all, the sooner they go the better!!!!!

OP posts:
butterflies218 · 10/07/2021 11:24

@gillysSong the man has worked throughout the pandemic 7 days a week to build a successful business.

I'm sorry but he treats me well, he is an amazing person and I'm not going to stop him going to spend 3 nights camping with friends. There is never a problem if I spend a couple of nights away with the girls either.

This isn't a DH problem.

OP posts:
Bassetlover · 10/07/2021 11:31

Unbef*ckinglievable! They are behaving appallingly and treating you like mugs. If I were you I'd change the wifi password until either you get the cleaner payment or they leave. As to MIL tell her they can stay with her if she's that bothered.

Chloemol · 10/07/2021 12:11

YANBU And I would respond to your mil

You may think it’s petty, but YOU kicked them out and we have been picking up the pieces for two people who are incapable of tidying up after themselves and expect us, the people working 12 hour days whilst they sit on their backsides ,to do it. When they come back we will be telling them to pack their things and move back to you until their property is ready

Illogicalmadness · 10/07/2021 12:43

Your mil has brought up a cheeky fucker who is also a dirty human being. Doesn't say much about her parenting skills, does it if that's the end result.

Geordieoldgirl · 10/07/2021 13:21

YADNBU! You have got the patience of a saint and deserve a medal as big as a frying pan! I couldn’t have been so kind for so long. I hope OP that after this you won’t ever consider having them back to stay again, whatever their circumstances or what they want to save for!

Hankunamatata · 10/07/2021 13:24

I politely reply to mil that its non of her business as it's not her house

RealBecca · 10/07/2021 15:13

Id have textes MIL "do you want him back living with you?"

Id also want him moved out. Who needs that in their lives

butterflies218 · 10/07/2021 16:20

I've spoken to SIL on the phone today.

She's apologised and has transferred me the money for the cleaner so I will let it go for the sake of causing friction between our families but I made myself loud and clear that they have taken the piss and I'm not particularly happy.

Cleaner came and did a wonderful job, I will move on from it but I've said that the next few weeks that they are with us, I expect their room to be absolutely spotless when they move and if I ever come home to that again they'll be moving up north a lot quicker than they anticipated.

OP posts:
Skybluepinkgiraffe · 10/07/2021 16:22

Oh well done OP!!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/07/2021 16:23

So MIL kicked them out (wonder why!?) then tells you YOU'RE being unreasonable? Suggest they move back in with her.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/07/2021 16:24

Sorry, just saw your update. Well done! Hope you feel better soon.

butterflies218 · 10/07/2021 16:28

I left MIL on read and she's called my DH asking if she's upset me. He said not upset, pissed off because of the state of the place and he sent her the photos. I've since had another text from MIL offering to come clean as DH told her I'm in pain, I've just replied saying cleaner has already been and left it at that.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 10/07/2021 17:00

Ok well that is sort of a good result. I’m sure the leave date can’t come soon enough. I have chronic pain and am too ill to work. I get how you feel. It is terribly disrespectful.

LookItsMeAgain · 10/07/2021 17:16

It's a bit hypocritical of MiL to be able to lose her rag at these people and kick them out but not appear to extend the same logic and reasoning to you when you lose your sense of reasoning with them.

I would have to spell it out (if I were in your shoes) to MiL that I thought her a hypocrite and didn't appreciate her lack of support when it comes to the situations you've found yourself in because she kicked out SiL and BiL and you and your DH took them on for what was supposed to be 12 months but has turned into 36 months which is in anyone's book taking the piss anyway!

Hope you're on the mend @butterflies218

EnjoyingTheSilence · 10/07/2021 17:34

Well done for standing up for yourself and getting it sorted. They’ve realised they’ve gone too far and won’t take you for a mug again.

Hope you’re feeling better soon

3Britnee · 10/07/2021 17:37

@butterflies218

I have endometriosis, which is currently crippling me (been bleeding non stop for 19 days now)

So DH has gone camping for the weekend with friends (he's not the issue, he works 7 day weeks running his own business) on the occasion he takes a day off (rare) he will absolutely do his own laundry, my laundry, gardening etc when I haven't managed to do it because of pain.

The problem is his sister who lives with us! They moved in 3 years ago, his Mum basically kicked her and her boyfriend out as she wanted extra space (don't get me started on MIL).

I work 12 hour days, as does DH then he does his admin and paperwork when he gets home.

He works 9-5 from home, she is furloughed, NOTHING gets done, we've had numerous talks, they don't even empty a clean dishwasher, they leave their shit stacked up on my kitchen sides, their laundry by the washing machine, play Xbox in their room, never ever have picked up the hoover since they've lived here.

We agreed they move in for a year (3 years ago!) they saved to go travelling and went travelling for a year, the first year they were great, then came back to save again to go back travelling and covid hit. No travelling. So they've been in the house 24/7. They are moving out next month (thank the lord).

I got home tonight, DH away, they'd left to go visit his parents for a week 4 hours away, my house was a tip! I've been a mess all week with pain, bleeding, new medication etc. They left their pans with burnt super noodles in the bottom on the kitchen side, plates stacked up (I emptied the dishwasher last night Hmm), no water in the dog bowl, shit stains in my toilet, piled the recycling so high it's ripped over.

I lost my shit, called my husband, told him I was booking a cleaner for tomorrow as I'm in too much pain to lug the hoover about and clean and I sent a message to our group chat telling them they will be picking up the £70 bill. This is fair to me seeing as neither myself or DH leave dirty plates on side/don't clean our shit stains off toilet/don't leave our room an absolute dive/spilled orange pasta sauce from lunch on the cream sofa cushions.

They've read and not responded. They pay us £200 each a month rent. Food, sky, laundry products included and I feel like they've just taken the piss out of us since covid hit.

I've had an arsey text from MIL "I think booking a cleaner is unreasonable and to then charge them for it, it's very petty" sorry? I work my arse off, as does DH and I clean every weekend and do our laundry, this weekend I cannot as I am in awful pain.

Please tell me AIBU? I'm so sick of this all, the sooner they go the better!!!!!

I'd tell them not to comeback from MIL's.
Graphista · 10/07/2021 18:19

Why on Earth haven't you kicked them out much sooner? Are they DEFINITELY going next month?

I suspect their behaviour is the real reason mil kicked them out to be honest!

Although current issue none of mil business!

which seems quite high to me

@AlCalavicci you're basing that comment on rent alone, these people are getting rent, utilities, presumably wifi, food and general groceries and sky tv included - that's a pretty good deal!

£400 where I live would get you a room in a shared house

and wouldn't include food, groceries and sky tv!

The £400 certainly doesn't include ops cleaning services! They're disgusting pigs!

@LindaEllen you've barely read ops posts clearly - op and her dh have talked to them numerous times - they're piss taking slobs!

Glad the matter has been resolved for now.

In mil position I'd be bloody embarrassed a child of mine was so selfish and disgusting! As should the sisters partners parents be similarly embarrassed!

Shameful way for adults to behave

SmokeyDevil · 10/07/2021 18:28

The sil is fucking furloughed and she's still created that much mess? What a disgusting cow she is. At least they are paying for the cleaner. Thank god they are leaving soon, they can live like pigs in their own house then.

You did nothing wrong op. Anyone claiming so clearly thinks living like pigs is OK. Hmm

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/07/2021 04:07

Well, apart from you having had to clean the loo and empty the dishwasher etc., it sounds like rather a good outcome.

SIL has paid up and I hope is suitably ashamed of herself and her partner (he should be too, of course)
Cleaner has done a good job
MIL has understood that she did something wrong
DH has told MIL, and sent the photos to show her, how wrong she was.
You have drawn your line in the sand regarding behaviour in the house.

No fight, no fall out, and soon they'll be out of your home for, hopefully, good.
Hope that you get somewhere with the endometriosis - it sounds really bad! :( - and that it all works out for you

ChargingBuck · 11/07/2021 13:30

@butterflies218

I left MIL on read and she's called my DH asking if she's upset me. He said not upset, pissed off because of the state of the place and he sent her the photos. I've since had another text from MIL offering to come clean as DH told her I'm in pain, I've just replied saying cleaner has already been and left it at that.
Congrats on this & your previous SiL update OP - cracking result.

Small wonder SiL is an irresponsible slob is it, with an enabling mother like this. "I'll come & clean up the mess my adult daughter made of my adult son's house - but only because my DiL is too poorly to do it."

Why couldn't DH clean up the mess - or organise a cleaner?
Both DH & OP work long hours.
But only he has a ManJob, it would seem ...

Beline4u · 11/07/2021 17:37

Ooooh he'll NO!! I wouldn't let them back unless there are ground rules in place!! Life is far too short to be stressing over people who quiet clearly couldn't give a dam!!

peppermintpat · 11/07/2021 17:54

I've only read as far as your OP and I'm gobsmacked you only charge 2 adults £200 a month!!! I was charging my OC £400 at 23 years of age. No wonder they overstayed their welcome.

Babygotblueyes · 11/07/2021 18:11

Ya definitely nbu. Tell mil she can come and clear their crap up if she feels so strongly about it.

Mamanyt · 11/07/2021 18:23

@burritofan

hmm I am not so sure they already pay £400 a month rent to you which seems quite high to me That £400 doesn’t cover the OP being their skivvy, though, or give them carte blanche to behave like animals.
And it isn't 400 a month, it is 200 a month!

I'd tell MIL if she is that upset over their treatment, she may invite them back to her home.

While I have never had endometriosis, I have had friends who did, and it is a miserable, miserable thing! Take care of yourself.

wishawish91 · 11/07/2021 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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