Treated like a maid in this house, so I've booked a cleaner!

[butterflies218]

I have endometriosis, which is currently crippling me (been bleeding non stop for 19 days now)

So DH has gone camping for the weekend with friends (he's not the issue, he works 7 day weeks running his own business) on the occasion he takes a day off (rare) he will absolutely do his own laundry, my laundry, gardening etc when I haven't managed to do it because of pain.

The problem is his sister who lives with us! They moved in 3 years ago, his Mum basically kicked her and her boyfriend out as she wanted extra space (don't get me started on MIL).

I work 12 hour days, as does DH then he does his admin and paperwork when he gets home.

He works 9-5 from home, she is furloughed, NOTHING gets done, we've had numerous talks, they don't even empty a clean dishwasher, they leave their shit stacked up on my kitchen sides, their laundry by the washing machine, play Xbox in their room, never ever have picked up the hoover since they've lived here.

We agreed they move in for a year (3 years ago!) they saved to go travelling and went travelling for a year, the first year they were great, then came back to save again to go back travelling and covid hit. No travelling. So they've been in the house 24/7. They are moving out next month (thank the lord).

I got home tonight, DH away, they'd left to go visit his parents for a week 4 hours away, my house was a tip! I've been a mess all week with pain, bleeding, new medication etc. They left their pans with burnt super noodles in the bottom on the kitchen side, plates stacked up (I emptied the dishwasher last night ), no water in the dog bowl, shit stains in my toilet, piled the recycling so high it's ripped over.

I lost my shit, called my husband, told him I was booking a cleaner for tomorrow as I'm in too much pain to lug the hoover about and clean and I sent a message to our group chat telling them they will be picking up the £70 bill. This is fair to me seeing as neither myself or DH leave dirty plates on side/don't clean our shit stains off toilet/don't leave our room an absolute dive/spilled orange pasta sauce from lunch on the cream sofa cushions.

They've read and not responded. They pay us £200 each a month rent. Food, sky, laundry products included and I feel like they've just taken the piss out of us since covid hit.

I've had an arsey text from MIL "I think booking a cleaner is unreasonable and to then charge them for it, it's very petty" sorry? I work my arse off, as does DH and I clean every weekend and do our laundry, this weekend I cannot as I am in awful pain.

Please tell me AIBU? I'm so sick of this all, the sooner they go the better!!!!!

I'd be telling them not to come back. Change the locks while they're at mils and have their stuff outside for when they return.

Thank you everyone, sorry I needed somewhere to rant and didn't expect so many replies.

They had nowhere to go as were both on a low income, his family is up north and she was at uni when they were kicked out by MIL so she could use their bedroom as a snug.

As mentioned in my first post, the first year was fine, I did have to teach them how to use a washing machine etc but we all got on pretty well. They didn't hoover or anything like that but did clean up after themselves etc.

Then they went travelling and the agreement was they could come back for a year to save for either travelling or a house.

His family have moved abroad and their house up north is free from next month, they are moving there.

The last 12 months have been hell with them, it's like they just decided to take the piss and that's that. My DH has had words with them multiple times.

I don't want to fall out with anyone but I just reached the end of my tether when I got in to that state last night after working all week and being in pain.

To answer a few questions, our landlord knows they live with us and amended our rental agreement (we've been here 8 years and we are lucky to have a nice landlord).

I have had multiple surgeries for endometriosis and I am seeing my consultant and surgeon again next month.

I've taken photos and wish I could put them on here but it would be outing. I'm well aware for the past 12-18 months I've been a doormat but I've had 2 miscarriages, poor mental health, surgery, worked full time throughout and have daily pain from endo but I was just trying to do a nice thing for SIL and her partner. Lesson learned.

In regards to the cleaner, I have cleaned the toilet, emptied dish washer and put stuff away so it needs dusting hoovering and mopping (things that escalate my pain). I wouldn't leave it the state it was in last night for the cleaner to do.

They have three options that I can see here.
1 - clean up after themselves
2 - pay for the cleaner to clean up after themselves
3 - get their own place and have an intensive crash course in how to look after themselves!

“More space” sounds like an excuse instead of telling them they’re slobs to be honest! Though MIL has no right to interfere if she wasn’t willing to deal with them either.

I am 100% in agreed with you, but how are you going to make them pay for the cleaner?

@Wrotten they will, my DH called his sister last night and she said to add it to their rent so they know 100% what they've done it wrong.

If the £70 is not transferred before they come back you will take it out of their rent and oops that means they will need to leave on Monday - oh dear MIL they'll have to go back to you....

Great news,glad they are paying up

@AlCalavicci

I dont blame you for booking a cleaner at all , getting them to pay for it , hmm I am not so sure they already pay £400 a month rent to you which seems quite high to me but my rent is very low so I may have the wrong perspective . Hindsight is a wonderful thing , but you should of told them right at the start of them staying with you / starting to leave a mess that you were not happy and you would raise the rent in order to pay for a cleaner if they didn't sort themselves out.

That includes food and everything else. Where I am a one bed flat is £800.

MIL is well known for kicking her kids out when she's bored of them (around aged 19) my DH was left essentially homeless as she had another baby and took his room (it was a double room), and moved him to a box room that only fit a single bed and one small chest of drawers. He worked full time and was woken up every night by the baby and MIL told him to move out when he said he was so tired as baby had woken him all night again.

He moved in with me and my parents at 19. Funnily enough my parents adore him, he paid his way, was and still is respectful and hard working etc.

The last born is the angel child (born to another man, she can't stand their dad who I get on with the most, he's always treated me like another daughter) and he already has over £20,000 saved for his future and they own another house not far from us which they rent out which will be his when he's older.

Funnily enough, I rarely see eye to eye with her.

I am so sorry about your health. You have deserved to have your family doing everything they possibly can to make your life easier. I really cannot see why you've been doing any housework At All.

Talk to them about it and let them know that you're struggling, and that they NEED to pull their weight, otherwise they're going to have to move out.

Once they know the score, it can't come as any surprise to them when you do actually ask them leave once they continue treating you like shit, knowing you're in so much pain.

I agree take photos and send to mil. Let her see what you are having to deal with. Get the cleaner. Tell them unless they pay for cleaner they can't come back.

My son pays me £425 per month as a contribution to household it covers his share of council tax, water rates, gas, electricity, Sky sport, By sport, Netflix, Disney +, super fast internet and all food and cleaning products. £400 for 2 people is very low contribution.

"I think booking a cleaner is unreasonable and to then charge them for it, it's very petty"

"Dear MiL - I wish it was "petty". If it was petty, I would be able to deal with it myself, despite my illness. However, it's not petty, it's a huge disgusting mess, which I am too ill to clean.
£70 is a tiny fee to pay for never doing so much as pick up a hoover in the 3 years they've lived here, despite multiple requests that they clean up after themselves like adults. Why don't you let them live with you again, & review what your notion of "petty" is when they are trashing your house instead of mine?"

Plus - they left the dog without water ???! Fuckers.

You’re where you are because you and your H decided to accept their behaviour. The solution isn’t hiring a cleaner because you’re going to be embarrassed about letting another person into your house to clean skid marks off your toilet. The solution is to kick them out.

Taking photos and blaming MIL doesn’t solve anything.

YANBU
YANBU
YANBU
YADNBU

If MIL doesn’t want them to pay she can come and clean. You need to rest so you can get better.

@AlCalavicci

I dont blame you for booking a cleaner at all , getting them to pay for it , hmm I am not so sure they already pay £400 a month rent to you which seems quite high to me but my rent is very low so I may have the wrong perspective . Hindsight is a wonderful thing , but you should of told them right at the start of them staying with you / starting to leave a mess that you were not happy and you would raise the rent in order to pay for a cleaner if they didn't sort themselves out.

Yeah, completely the wrong perspective.

Does your rent - low or not - mean that somebody else cleans up your mess, deals with the food stains you leave on the furniture, scrapes off the food left burnt onto pans, sorts the laundry you leave by the washer & the dishes you leave piled up in the kitchen, & does all your hoovering for you?

Also, what's hindsight got to do with it?
It's a reasonable expectation that all adults in a household muck in with the chores. Being told that upfront should be unnecessary. Once OP discovered what lazy entitled slobs they are, she had repeated discussions with them - which changed nothing. It wouldn't have made any difference to their attitude if OP had spoken to them before or after they moved in. They don't listen.

@AgentJohnson I've cleaned the toilet. I wouldn't expect a cleaner to do that ever. Or anyone other than the person who did it.

I've never hired a cleaner before but I've cleaned up the worst of it and it's just hoovering dusting mopping.

You are kinder than me . I would have had the locks changed already

I think I would also take photos of everything from the skid marks to the overflowing bins and burnt dishes and post on whatsapp and ask who will be cleaning these up then?

How will a cleaner help? It's a maid they need.
No matter how many hours my dh had worked he wouldn't leave me at home for a jolly camping trip, nor would he foist his awful family on me.
You have a dh problem, get them out of your home.

YANBU at all but is it worth falling out with them just as they are about to leave?
OP isn't falling out with them. She's merely reached the end of her tether & is stating a boundary (3 years too late, but that's another issue). If the cocklodging duo decide to "fall out" with OP over it, that's down to them - just like their mess id down to them.

I would take photos, show them the mess you came home to and ask them to clear it up.
They've been asked to clear up for 3 years.
They haven't.
Why do you think asking them again will change anything? (especially as they are not actually there this time! - do you expect OP to live with their shite all weekend?)

Explain that you are too ill to do it and if they can’t do it themselves then the cleaner will be arriving on Monday and the bill will go to them.
They can't do it - they are not there for a week now. That's kind of the whole point of the thread - they made a huge amount of shitty mess, then packed their bags for a week away, & left it all to OP to deal with.

@GaspGulpScream

You are kinder than me . I would have had the locks changed already

Me too

YANBU or petty.

Tell MIL she can have them back since she thinks living with selfish filthy pigs is acceptable. Tell her their things are going outside and you've changed the locks. come and get it.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. You have the patience of a Saint, I'd of kicked them out ages ago