To ask what age it becomes unusual

[Whyyouso]

To live with parents

At the age of 32 I’ve just managed to buy my first flat. If I’d rented, the rent alone would have been over half of my take home, add in bills etc it just wasn’t worth it. Buying really was the sensible option, but you have to earn enough to get a decent mortgage and have a decent deposit.

I find it slightly concerning that so many people are judgmental of children living at home, and the preferred choice is for them to end up in debt and not being able to enjoy themselves

Late twenties - but it depends surely? London rents are expensive and If I had family there I’d definitely stay home to save for a deposit.
Also assuming there’s enough room in the family home

@Freecuthbert

I think it depends on the situation more than the age.

Excellent point.

The only people I've ever considered weird was a family of two brothers and two sisters who all lived into old age all still living in their childhood home.

OK they would have been young adults during the war years. So I don't know if there was bereavement or MH issues. But it just seems weird that none of them married or made a life for themselves outwith the family home.

yes its really only odd when there are weird family dynamics and/or unexplored personal potential imo.

I think it depends on the circumstances. Just not leaving when they have or could get a full time job and pay rent is odd after 25 I would say, as until then its reasonable that they're getting money behind them and enjoying life before setting down.

I would say its odd before that to still be at home though if you have a family of your own if you could be off renting. I would say it isnt odd to go back home in times of crisis or need for as long as that remains

Though you only have one life and to spend your prime years “saving” and living in your childhood home so you can buy a house seems a little sad to me.

I’m happy to have my adult children here so they can save for deposits etc. Son has moved out with his girlfriend after returning from uni, daughter has her boyfriend around to stay at weekends (he also lives with his parents), sometimes she goes there.

When I returned from uni (with a sick child) to live with my Mum in our childhood home, I had been back for 2 weeks when I answered the door to a council Housing Officer. The Officer told me Mum had written a letter to them evicting me & making me homeless. Mum lurked in the background, she didn’t have the balls to tell me face to face.

I thought I got on well with Mum, paid her rent & bought our food, did all the cleaning before & after work… and then bang, no warning, homelessness. And she wasn’t even the one to tell me!

And that’s why I will always have a place in my home for my kids, no matter what age, because to evict you, and via a third party, is cruel.

Especially today, where people think that houses are pension investments not homes for families & prices have been artificially inflated post 2008 (I strongly believe in houses as homes not portfolio opportunities). But that’s a rant for another day…

Where were we? Yes, it’s normal for adult kids to stay at home if they need to. Your job as a parent doesn’t stop post uni/at 18/after a relationship breakdown.

How can some of you say sad or unusual, there are lots of different circumstances, which aren't shared.
I remember an elderly man I used to chat to, a fellow dog Walker, who, son and daughter, both pushing 60, still loved at home, both had decent jobs and a social life.
The son started getting targeted by yobs, calling him a paedo and such like, no truth in the matter at all, just because he still lived with his elderly parent!!
I hate all 'this what is normal'........ridiculous!!

@Rubyupbeat it’s a fact that it’s unusual... I don’t think people are meaning unusual as in strange but as in not average.

What business is it of anyone else’s? What happened to being inclusive and non judgmental?

Our children have a home with us as long as they need. Would rather have them home at 30, enjoying life along the way and saving for their own investments to secure their futures.

Know plenty of people who are still at home. Our neighbours have 3 children, their eldest daughter is only a few years younger than us, early 30’s returned after uni, has a good career, drives a brand new Merc, regular holidays and saving for a decent house, good on her, she has the best of both worlds, her parents have plenty of room, why not?

We moved here about 6 years ago, bought young, made a profit, upsized and managed to get a jump ahead. Sometimes I think how nice it would be to still be at home childfree with complete financial freedom but we made a few sensible decisions early, we’re comfortable and been very fortunate but we couldn't have done it without support, not everyone is so lucky and house prices are impossible for most once you fall into the renting trap. We’ll hopefully pass that security on to our children the same way our parents helped us, like our neighbours are helping their daughter.

It doesn’t have to be a horrible negative experience, you can still travel, socialise, develop and grow. IMO unless you are fortunate to have acquired a large sum of money staying at home is the best way.

Having a home to fall back on has allowed (and will allow in future) my DC to go off and try different things without worrying about where they’ll live if it goes wrong. Like DS going off to work abroad. He will probably do so again. DD is planning further study. They’re not in a position to buy a house and I’m not in the position to give them a deposit! We live in London so even rentals are £££. I’m glad they’re not shackled to a job they may not like to pay for a roof over their heads for the next 40 years. You can say that’s what being an adult is about, but why should it be? Life is for living. Neither of them are fussed about having DC which is really the main reason for being established. Setting up a nest so to speak. We all earn our own money and don’t rely on the state so what we do as a family is up to us.

I remember an elderly man I used to chat to, a fellow dog Walker, who, son and daughter, both pushing 60, still loved at home, both had decent jobs and a social life.

Two adult children at home makes me think the same as I wondered about the four that I knew.
What happened in their youth, were they discouraged from having partners, something seems off in the dynamics. We're they guilt tripped into staying at home?

One adult child I'd think they just didn't meet the right person, or became a carer but for all kids never to move out just seems odd.

@Lockdownbear

I remember an elderly man I used to chat to, a fellow dog Walker, who, son and daughter, both pushing 60, still loved at home, both had decent jobs and a social life.

Two adult children at home makes me think the same as I wondered about the four that I knew.
What happened in their youth, were they discouraged from having partners, something seems off in the dynamics. We're they guilt tripped into staying at home?

One adult child I'd think they just didn't meet the right person, or became a carer but for all kids never to move out just seems odd.

I think these are valid questions in taht situation especially if they never evem tried to move out

Uni doesn’t start at 17.
Just curious why people race to be the best most outstanding poster sometimes.

What happened in their youth, were they discouraged from having partners, something seems off in the dynamics

Some people just don’t want a partner irrespective of where they live. I have a friend I’ve known from when she was 30 to now she’s in her late 40s. She’s not once had a relationship in that time. She’s attractive, kind and intelligent so she’s not “lacking” in any way. She doesn’t say why she hasn’t dated and I don’t pry. She did buy a house. Although it’s only 10 minutes from her parents place. All her money goes on commuting, mortgage and living costs. She said to me once she wondered what it was all for. She’s spent the past 20 years scrimping and scraping. She often ends up round at her mums or her sisters anyway.

I can see the sense in living at home until you marry or enter a serious relationship (on the proviso that you pay your own way and look after yourself!) because it makes life a lot easier. Obviously not everyone has a good relationship with their parents (I didn’t) but if you do then why not? I have another friend who’s Asian, married late 20’s and went straight from her mums house to her husbands parents house. But no one bats an eye because it’s culturally acceptable.

@Mrstamborineman

Uni doesn’t start at 17. Just curious why people race to be the best most outstanding poster sometimes.

It did for me as my 18th birthday was after the academic year started.

In my experience and where I live University starts when you are 18. If you are still 17 in the September/October and you start Uni you'd have missed the second year of Sixth Form and have no A Level results to get in.

Presume other places differ?

@Mrstamborineman

Uni doesn’t start at 17. Just curious why people race to be the best most outstanding poster sometimes.

Lots of Scottish people leave school start uni at 17. I think we have a year less secondary school (6 years).

So yes the Unis are used to dealing with 17yos and clearly marking their ID as such

Not to mention many leave school after 5th year with the required Highers. Some even have the grades at 16 at the end of 5th year although many stay for 6th year just to broaden their options.

High School in these parts is Year 8-13 in these parts. Year 11being the year they take GCSEs and Year 13 A Levels in May to go to University in the Autumn.

Scotland have 7 years in primary, 6 in secondary. So yes a year less than England

Nat 5 / the equivalent of GCSE are in 4th year of secondary.
Highers in 5th year. Some will have enough to get to uni. Potentially just 16.
6th year Advanced Highers or broaden options.

I don't know why people decide this is some sort of marker of teaching independence, responsibility or a sign of maturity. I moved out at 26, my dsis at 30 and db at 32. It meant that each one of us, walked straight into much better decisions financially. We all bought homes with better options, were financially secure in our careers. None of us were lazy, selfish or took advantage of our parents. Maybe it's a cultural thing. I'm absolutely grateful to my dps, for giving us a good foot forward so much that I will be helping them in older age. We won't be getting any inheritance but in a way we were able to set up ourselves. I have friends who were raised under the leave home at 18 way, and they are the ones who are happy to charge their parents.
My dc will stay at home as long as they want, If it means them saving and setting themselves up well.

@Lockdownbear

Scotland have 7 years in primary, 6 in secondary. So yes a year less than England

Nat 5 / the equivalent of GCSE are in 4th year of secondary.
Highers in 5th year. Some will have enough to get to uni. Potentially just 16.
6th year Advanced Highers or broaden options.

We’re in a 3 tier in England.

R-Yr 4 First School
Yr 5 -Yr 7 Middle School
Then 6 years at High School if you do A Levels.

Some High Schools don’t start til Year 9.

It’s different for 2 tier areas again so it really is different everywhere even in the same country.

Every situation is different. When I went to uni it was the norm not to go back home after, but now a lot of young people do. It’s so expensive to get on the property ladder. I’ve told my DCs they can live with us as long as they want/need to!