To ask what age it becomes unusual

[Whyyouso]

To live with parents

Why do you ask OP?

I used to judge when I was younger but now I'm almost 50 and I think...if you get on with your parents, they're not all up in your face and you can lead a full life, why move out unless you want to live with a partner or spouse?

The Italians never do....

I'd say after mid 20s. I moved out when I was 23 for a few years and then returned to my parents when my relationship broke down. I permanently moved out when I was 30 but was very aware when I moved back in that I was in a minority.

I bought a flat with DH at 23, but times were very different. 100% mortgages and lower property prices (SE).

DD (20) is back home from uni for the summer and is struggling a bit as she’s used to her independence. We’re very laid back but I do get it. She’s worked out that she can afford to rent on her uni city when she graduates, even if it’s a minimum wage job to begin with .... she certainly couldn’t do that around here.

well it would be a bit odd after you are dead but apart from that.....

Personally I moved out at 26, but I had been away for uni. Starting wages in my profession are low so it made sense to live at home if I could.

I think it depends on your relationship with your parents and circumstances. I had plenty of space and independence so it didn't hold me back.

I think it makes sense to make your early 20s a bit easier if you can.

I have relatives where three of the adult children still live with parents at 57, 55 and 50. Along with a 21 year old granddaughter.

The daughter that moved out to get married is no longer in contact with them.

It makes me laugh all the “rules” people are putting on it being “ok”. What business is it of yours anyway? I mean I know OP asked the question so people are answering, but ultimately other people’s living arrangements are nothing to do with anyone else. I find all the judgement a bit sad.

My DD is 30 and is at home. In her early 20s she lived in a “crappy bed sit” and became so depressed she was suicidal. So of course I had her back home. When she was 25 she moved in with her partner. He became abusive over time. So when she felt able to leave him, again there was no question, she could come back home.

DS is 31. He has ASD. Despite his difficulties he landed a job abroad. It was covid that put an end to that. So he’s back at home too. He isn’t interested in a relationship. So he couldn’t care less if women won’t date him because he’s living at home!

They will both probably move out again at some stage but I don’t really care when. They cook for themselves, do their own washing, pay their way, chip in with chores. We live like it’s a house share. I stopped being “mum” a long time ago in that regard. It’s also pretty handy to have DS around when I need to move heavy furniture! Financially it makes sense for all 3 of us.

I was forced to leave home at 16 and as a result made some pretty poor choices and really suffered with my MH. The one thing I was adamant about with my own DC was that as long as I was alive they’d have a roof over their head if they needed it.

My brother is 35 and still lives at home. It’s not odd, he goes off travelling (or did) a lot and has had periods of living away but usually ends up back there at some point. Can’t see him ever leaving permanently to be honest!

Houseshares aren't always that common in certain areas of the country. Big cities yes, and places with large student populations but smaller towns not so much.

And yes once people get sucked into renting it's then very difficult to save for a deposit to buy.
20/25 years ago banks used to do 100% mortgages, l know someone who bought with a 110% mortgage, the extra 10% was to cover legal fees, and cost of moving.
Banks just don't do that any more. Making it doubly hard for people who are young with no savings to move out.

Anything beyond the early 20s starts to raise eyebrows for me. If they've got to their mid 20s and have never left home it's a bit of an eyebrow raiser.

I think it's more usual for people to live 'at home' into their mid-late 20s because of house prices. I think whether it's odd, depends in whether they're still living as children (having their washing done for them etc.) or whether they've transitioned into housemates with their parents and are just sharing space.

I’d say beyond mid twenties is unusual. But still absolutely fine, and much more common in expensive cities and in other countries where families are interdependent and the usual/norm is to mutual support within the family as needed and irrespective of age.

I think it depends on the situation and the parents. If parents are laid back or maybe away a lot themselves then it's different to having a mum there 7 days a week who treat you like you're 16, cooks all your meals and does all your laundry.
The fact of how much you earn also makes a difference; someone with a good wage who is staying with their mum and dad just for convenience, into their late twenties and thirties is a bit weird and lazy. (Different if they've moved back in for a fixed period to help them save a deposit or are on a very low wage)
The dating situation is weird and dating a 30 year old man who still lived with his mum and dad would put me off. You don't really become an adult until you leave the nest and have to manage adult things and be financially independent.
I hope my kids leave by their mid-twenties, but living in London they'll definitely need to have someone else to flatshare or buy with.

It’s hard to say. An old school friend of mine still lives with her parents in her late 20s. She’s an only child and they’re older parents (they’re in their early 70s now), she gets along well with them and enjoys living with them. I can’t imagine it personally but then I was never particularly close to my Mum and left home at 16.

My Uncle is still at home in his mid 50s, that’s a bit weird. He was married and had two DC in his 20s but he’s lived with my Nan on and off since that marriage ended, she’s always done his washing.

I left at just turned 26, when I could afford it but a bit later than planned- was away a lot 16-22. Also I had a bit of a burn out/breakdown at 23 so I was grateful that my parents gave me space & time to recoup and get some cash together. Big house, too so we all had space. Quite a few friends left around a similar time. I haven't forgiven a friend who moved out a few months before me - so I was the last one in that group at home- saying "FINALLY!" to me as if I was about 50. Cheeky bitch had lasted 2 seconds at uni & was living home at a lot longer than I technically was!

I am 31 now, 3 mates still home. A 31yo boomeranger who is home for pandemic but planning to move soon, a 40-something who has only been away for uni. Has health conditions and inherited shared ownership in the family home and cares for his parents - it's all v codependent, and 32 yo with a 37 yo sister who both just seem v happy there. They can afford to be a very selective free lance journo and an author this way. They're utterly cosseted, not sure they'd cope without mummy.

It depends on the circumstances. I moved out and then moved back in my early 20s and then permanently out when I was 25. Late 40s now but if anything in my life changes in the future, I could see myself moving back in with my parents. I know I am always welcome there and it will always be my home if I need it to be. Dd is only early teens but she also knows she is always welcome to live with me or her grandparents.

Glad to see everyone has caring duties for parents that some children provide at the forefront of their thinking. Well done.

Its a difficult one these days as renting ridiculously expensive in many areas (including where we live) and getting on the property ladder takes quite a few years to save so I wouldn't judge anyone in their 20's living at home

Though I know a man of 58 who has never left home and still lives with his 86 year old mum in the room he's slept in since he was a child.
Thats a bit odd

Back in the day peopled lived in multigenerational households. If everyone is happy then why move out.
I have a colleague in her 50s who has always lived with her parents. Her Dad passed away a few years ago and now she and her mum have each other for company.
I left home at 18 for uni and wouldn’t have wanted to move back home but each to their own.

I think its totally to do with the circumstances and how independant/self reliant and helping with running the day to day household they are.

If they work, if the parent needs support, if they are cleaning, tidying, doing their own laundry, if they pay bills, if they are saving rather than spending it all up, if they are able to socialise in a respectful way in the home, then I think it doesnt matter, so long as both child and parent are happy with the arrangement.

if they are living like a teenager, leaving mum to clean their pants and mess, and tantrumming because their friends cant come for a sleepover at 40, then Id have serious doubts.

I don't think there is an age really. It all depends on life circumstances. I have friends who are happily single living with their parents, some who moved back in with their mum with their kids after a divorce where the dad disappeared because it made childcare easier, some who are unhappily living with their parents because of finances or relationship breakdowns, and others who left home at 16 and never looked back. Those who live at home live independent lives, contribute financially to the household, do their own laundry etc and in some cases are carers to their elderly parents. Not everyone wants to set up home with a partner or live by themselves, and as long as both the parent and the adult child are on board with it I don't see a problem with it.

I'd say 30 as that gives plenty of time to be financially able to live independently.

I have an old school friend of 47 who still lives with parents.....always has done. Her brothers moved out years ago. She has a god job and is always posting her purchases on social media. Yeah sweetie....but you still live in mummy and daddy's spare room!

I have a neighbour who is mid thirties and has never lived independently or had a relationship as far as I know, she does suffer with anxiety and depression and her father died when she was a teenager. I think she and her mum rely on each other a lot and they both work for the same cleaning company.

I don’t really think of it as being “odd” as you can see there are a lot of reasons including financial ones, why staying at home might work better for her and her mum. My own family of 5, including 2 DSS’s have left home permanently once at university or moved for jobs between 18-22 and not returned. They know however that we would always have them back if they needed our help.

Surely it depends on circumstances, how you all get on, what size the family home is, are there job opportunities locally etc. I don't think there is a "right" age.