To ask what age it becomes unusual

[Whyyouso]

To live with parents

Less and less 'unusual' I would say as the cost of living is so high. Some cultures it is traditional to stay living in multigenerational families anyway. Some people stay to care for family, some find it hard to leave home. Everyone is different. Though my kids seem to want to escape asap!!!

If they are single in their 40's and still at home not paying their way and no intention of going anyway, that is unusual.

Friend remained living with parents to save up. Got too complacent and has now inadvertently found herself in the position of being their carers, and so feels trapped.

I guess it depends on circumstances. My parents have asked to move in with us temporarily- we have the most room of my siblings and I’m actually looking forward to having them to stay. My DH doesn’t feel the same but I actually get along really well with my parents.

My sister and her partner live between my parents house and her partner's parents house. The partner lives 40 miles away from my sister. Both are saving for their own place halfway between the two locations but have quite low wages. My parents like having them around (both women are early 30s) but they met at uni so have both lived independently until graduating. Her partners parents are happy for them to come and go as they please. I don't know if its because both of them are youngest children perhaps.

DS still lives with me at 21 and he can stay as long as he likes, he's pretty housetrained and considerate. I moved out at 17 and had him by 21 and he seems much younger than I was at that age, but there is no rush to evict.

Well I know two brothers one about age 51 and the other 55 who still live with their mother at home, I find that strange that the brothers at least wouldn't move out and live together at least! Still the mother seems content!

DH was 29 when I met him and living in the parental home. He had moved out for 3 years for uni, then a year for his PGCE, he taught for a few years and then went travelling so when he was in the UK he lives at home to save money. I didn’t think it was weird. It was quite snug sleeping in his single bed though when I stayed over!

@kissmelittleass

Well I know two brothers one about age 51 and the other 55 who still live with their mother at home, I find that strange that the brothers at least wouldn't move out and live together at least! Still the mother seems content!

Exactly - why not move out and buy/rent together as brothers.

I suspect t they’re asexual and just not fussed about relationships

One of my cousins is 37 and still lives with his parents. He didn’t go to uni but he has lived with housemates in her early 20s then moved back home. They relocated cross country a few years ago and he went with them - he works full-time but as far as I can tell spends all his money on Lego. I don’t think he’s ever had a girlfriend.

Tbh I suspect some additional needs of some kind - he’s very bright but never quite fitted in.

My friend is 43. Apart from uni and a brief spell in their rental 4 houses down, she still lives with her dad. Her mum did pass away though so I think it makes the circumstances slightly different. It also has some cultural reasons as it's common in their culture to live with extended family. I think it just stands out more as she's not married with kids.

I think it’s down why you are doing it.
You could have a set up in your 30s or 40s that’s mutually beneficial to both parties. You could be saving for a deposit. You enjoy each other’s adult company. Any number of reasons.
I think if you’re doing it because you never quite got to grips with life, then that’s a bit sad, whether that’s in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and so on.

I have a friend aged 36 living at home with her parents after she suffered a mental health crisis. She's in the best place to recover.

She's a lovely person and I really hope she gets back on her feet soon, for herself, as it is apparent it's having an effect on her. It does feel like there's an odd shift to the friendship when she 'asks her mum' if she can meet me for coffee (she needs a lift) and reminds me of being much younger when I drop her off and make polite small talk with her parents.

Honestly, 18.

I understand that there may be exceptional cases where this is not possible (e.g. disability), but I believe that grown adults should stand on their own two feet.

I finished my degree at 21, moved back to my parents, started working but soon moved abroad for a post-grad degree and lived there for almost 3 years. Returned back home for another couple of years to save up some money to move with DH in UK, so completely moved out in my late 20s. However, if situation had been different I'd have probably moved out in the following years after finishing my degree and starting a job, after saving up a bit of money to afford that. So probably in my mid-20s. Which is pretty common in my native country (in Eastern Europe)

If families where able to do generational living and have space for it, what's the problem. It used to be common place. Less housing needed. Children have extra support through grandparents, aunts/uncles so less child care is needed. More wages under one roof. Doesn't work for everyone but is still 'normal in many many countries. Where my dh is from if the son gets married their new wife comes and lives with his family even when they have kids. They don't bat an eyelid

@kissmelittleass but why would they move out and pay rent somewhere else when they are quite content and their mother is happy. What a waste of money and another house off of the market when they are happy where they are

On the continent it's very normal for different generations to live together - and Asia even more so, they're both so much more family orientated IMO. Here we seem to prefer to follow American models for some reason where it's considered somehow weird for families to live together, kids should be raised to be 'independent' and not need anyone from the day they're born and should leave home as soon as possible.

My uncle still lives with my grandma, he is 49, my grandma still does just as much for him as she does for his brother who is 5 years younger and disabled. She still washes his clothes, makes his pack up lunch, his dinner, brings him tea, ironing. It's quite sad to see and I sometimes feel bad for my grandma who is in her 70's and never has a moments peace. Looked after my disabled uncle before for her but I won't look after the non disabled one, he's a manager of a company and perfectly capable of doing things himself.

That's a fair point about the reasons why. I know of someone else who had MH issues and ended up moving back.
And during covid it's been a blessing for both parties not to be living alone. They are currently benefiting from having each other.

I also know someone else who has moved back after divorce and two kids for childcare reasons.

One danger of being the adult child still at home, is you risk becoming a carer for elderly parents and then being unable to move back out. Being a carer isn't likely to happen overnight, it's likely to creep up on people slowly.

Everyone has a different timeline for these things and that's fine.

I would not get a partner who never lived independently though. My dh and I both lived away from our families (few thousand miles ha) and imho it just makes for more independent and self sufficient adults. We had to sort EVERYTHING by ourselves from washing to every single bill and budgeting so when we got together, running of the house was incredibly smooth. From experience, many people I've met who lived at home are still treated like teenagers. I know a guy who didn't know how to set table, how to cook basics etc at 32 because parents coddled him so much. Equally a woman at 28 who was similar to him above, because she never needed to learn anything. Mum was home and wouldn't let her do it.

@Cupcakeschocolate yes they seem happy at home with their mum BUT they are grown men in their fifties so yes!!! it does come across as strange that they wouldn't rent or buy a flat/house to live in together!!
They have never had a relationship with anyone but I'd say their living arrangements wouldn't help, they both hold down full time jobs so would be quite capable of outgoing expenses..

@Tal45

On the continent it's very normal for different generations to live together - and Asia even more so, they're both so much more family orientated IMO. Here we seem to prefer to follow American models for some reason where it's considered somehow weird for families to live together, kids should be raised to be 'independent' and not need anyone from the day they're born and should leave home as soon as possible.

But the houses are different. We weren't all in a three bed semi. You have 2+ flats in a house. Downstairs was always older gen, upstairs younger gen. The houses here aren't build for this. And tbh I am not against it because living lile that can lead to some issues like disagreementts over upkeep, this and that. Positives are, there is always someone watching kids

If the family is happy then why should it matter to anyone else? People have their own preferences about 'red flags' in relationships but I would see MUCH larger ones than this. To best honest, I would be more concerned about large levels of debt or no savings in a potential partner than a person who enjoys living with family and gets along well with parents and siblings.

I think that loneliness is a common reason. Living alone can be very isolating and if you get along well with parents and siblings then that can be much more social and pleasant. Perhaps house shares work for some but I've had lots of friends really struggle in house share situations and still find it enormously expensive. If you don't go to Unit then it can be harder to find house mates. Another important reason is being single. It takes much longer to save up for a house deposit if you're single whereas if you meet a partner it may only take a few short years.

So many people struggle on the renting ladder for years because they moved out quite young and never had sufficient savings behind them. If someone gets along very well with their family, has independence by working, paying a fair share and doing a reasonable share of the housework then I think living at home at any age can work perfectly. It very much depends on the set-up and the personalities of everyone involved. I could not live with my father under any circumstances but I get alone very well with my mother so it really depends.

If a future partner got along very well with his family and had huge savings then I wouldn't be turned off that's for sure

I have three generations living in my house. The youngest generation are In their twenties and my sons and one sons long term girlfriend working and saving for deposits to buy in the expensive area we live in and work in.
The oldest is my mid 80’s housebound mother who without being able to live and be cared for by me would need to be in a care home.
I am a widow in my 50’s.
The home is large enough for everyone to have separate living areas and bathrooms. I don’t enter my sons spaces without invitation nor do I clean or furnish these areas. They are theirs to do what they will with.
Once they have saved enough they will buy and leave. One day mum will die and then I will down size. Keep enough to rehouse and see to my needs and then divide the rest between my sons.

How many on this thread have adult children of 25+ living with them or is it like the teens drinking alcohol threads where a lot of the posters have young DC not teens