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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU engagement ring

248 replies

Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:05

I split with my ex in November last year after 15 years together, engaged for 8, he's now demanding the engagement ring back after initially telling me to sell it. I told him despite what he paid, £3k, it won't be worth anywhere near that, in fact the highest valuation I've had was £500 which I told him. He thinks I'm lying and has asked for the ring or £3k and will not let up. I don't think I should have to return the ring or pay him any money but AIBU?

OP posts:
Aprilx · 09/07/2021 19:36

@Conchitastrawberry

From google

In UK law the giving of an engagement ring is presumed to be a gift so it is assumed the person who receives it should keep it. So sadly, the simple answer is no. As with any gift, it is given on the presumption that it will not be returned.2

You haven’t read enough, law states:

“The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift: this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.”

So technically he could apply to court for the rings return should he be inclined.

Law aside, I thought it was customary to return the ring if the marriage did not go ahead.

FindingMeno · 09/07/2021 19:37

Tell him you've lost it.

Snowpatrolling · 09/07/2021 19:37

I had this when I got divorced, he asked for the ring back, judge ruled that it was mine as I had fulfilled the contract of marriage.
However if we hadn’t got married it was legally his!
So actually legally it’s your ex’s as you didn’t fulfil the contract.

KarmaStar · 09/07/2021 19:38

Can you take the valuable stones out,replace with coloured glass and return it?😀

Sacredspace · 09/07/2021 19:41

I think an engagement ring is given/accepted as an intention to marry. If you ended the relationship and are therefore no longer planning to marry, in my opinion it should be returned.

girlmom21 · 09/07/2021 19:42

Just give him the ring back.
You're not going to marry him - let him have it. One less thing to have to talk to him about is surely a bonus.

GoingHoarse · 09/07/2021 19:42

If you're no longer engaged to him why would you want to keep his ring?

emilyfrost · 09/07/2021 19:44

Why would you not just give it back? Confused

SergeantCatFlap · 09/07/2021 19:45

Another one for just giving it back. Sounds like you're both still trying to score points over each other. You have kids - just take the high road.

FatJan · 09/07/2021 19:46

I'm confused. He initially said sell the ring, but when you said it's only worth £500 now, then he said give it back or give him £3k, the amount he originally paid.

When he said sell it the first time, did he mean sell it and keep the money yourself? If so, why would it matter how much you sold it for?

Blossomtoes · 09/07/2021 19:47

Just give him the ring if it’s so important to him. Surely it would be worth it to see the back of him?

roguetomato · 09/07/2021 19:47

I really don't get why you don't just give it back. If it was just a ring maybe I can see why you want to keep it after all these years, but it's an engagement ring, and you say you'd sell it if it worth more.

Littlepaws18 · 09/07/2021 19:49

If you married it would be yours to keep, but you didn't, so you should give it back.

Bollindger · 09/07/2021 19:50

If he is nasty anyway, the ring is a small thing to let him stress over, once he has the ring it will be a new thing, like the car, or the Tv.
Tell him No, and your going to keep it for one of the children.
Hope you have gone to Child Support.

thedarkling · 09/07/2021 19:51

@Ghosttile

You can keep the ring but is it worth the hassle?

I’d say he can have the ring for £1k. If he believes it’s worth so much more let him sell it.

This!
Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2021 19:51

Sell it and put the money into accounts for your DC.

ScottishNewbie · 09/07/2021 19:52

I wouldn't be giving mine back. It sounds like it's good you've got rid of such a cheap, petty man!

PurpleRainDancer · 09/07/2021 19:53

@Cabinfever10

The ring was given in promise of marriage you didn't marry him so he gets it back. If you don't give it back and sell it he can take you to court for the retail cost of the ring and he will win. Yabu and grabby by wanting to keep it give it back
Give over @Cabinfever10 Grabby? Ffs OPs been wearing it for 8 years, Don’t be so bloody ridiculous of course she should keep it if she wants to Hmm
Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 09/07/2021 19:54

I’ve watched enough episodes of Judge Judy to know that in America, you have to give the ring back if you don’t get married as it was a conditional gift. That’s not the same in this country (assuming you’re in the U.K) you can legally keep it. I think this may be why some posters are giving incorrect divide , Judge Judy has a lot to answer for Grin

Holyridonkulus · 09/07/2021 19:54

An engagement & wedding rings are gifts so you are free to do as you please

Sounds like you're well shot of him!

Original poster
Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:55

@Bollindger

If he is nasty anyway, the ring is a small thing to let him stress over, once he has the ring it will be a new thing, like the car, or the Tv. Tell him No, and your going to keep it for one of the children. Hope you have gone to Child Support.
That's pretty much what kicked this off, I went to child support as he was paying very little very infrequently. Everything was hunky dory until then
OP posts:
chaosrabbitland · 09/07/2021 19:56

booze and weed over his kids ? , in this case i wouldnt be giving it back , i really think hes got a cheek to ask really being as its not a family peice being as he has got 2 kids with you , its not occured to him you might need the money for them at some point obviously

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 09/07/2021 20:01

Absolutely do not give it back, not just because it's yours legally, but because - as PPs have said - if you show him any weakness, he will be back for more.

Classica · 09/07/2021 20:01

You've had this ring for 8 years and some people are trying to tell you it's not yours to keep? Oh pleeeeease.

Taliskerskye · 09/07/2021 20:02

These things are really not worth it.
The best thing to have done is implied you were really not bothered in anyway at all.

You’re going to have to grey rock for ever more and you do not need anything hanging over you.