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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU engagement ring

248 replies

Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:05

I split with my ex in November last year after 15 years together, engaged for 8, he's now demanding the engagement ring back after initially telling me to sell it. I told him despite what he paid, £3k, it won't be worth anywhere near that, in fact the highest valuation I've had was £500 which I told him. He thinks I'm lying and has asked for the ring or £3k and will not let up. I don't think I should have to return the ring or pay him any money but AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/07/2021 20:43

@DolphinFC

Legally it's yours.

Morally it's his.

Depends on what kind of a person you are.

Your choice but I think I know your answer.

What?

Morally I'd be keeping a gift that would be spent on booze and drugs as a moral imperative.

Guavaf1sh · 09/07/2021 20:45

I’m with DolphinFC

ScaredNotAnxious · 09/07/2021 20:46

[quote StoriesAboutJanuary]@ScaredNotAnxious

Under the The Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 states:

“The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this **presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.”

So you’re not quite right.[/quote]
An engagement ring is given at the point of engagement. If it's given when someone proposes then that's the "express or implied condition" that you must get engaged. If you give someone a ring before asking them to marry you then that's not an engagement ring - it's just a ring.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 09/07/2021 20:47

You should give it back. An engagement ring is given on the promise of marriage. You didn't get married. You return it.

Classica · 09/07/2021 20:47

The ex chose booze and weed over being a proper partner and father, he told her to keep the ring, he doesn't pay child maintenance and yet the OP has a moral obligation to hand a £500 ring back?

I don't think so.

BlueLobelia · 09/07/2021 20:47

@Wrotten

https://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/experts/article-7256151/amp/Do-engagement-ring-called-wedding.html

However, the law says, under the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970, that 'the gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.'

I was going to say this.
BlueLobelia · 09/07/2021 20:49

FWIW, when my brother got divorced he asked his solicitor if he coukd get the engagement ring back because it was a family heirloom.

Soliitor said it was a frequently asked question, but the answer was no.

Notonthestairs · 09/07/2021 20:49

I like the idea of splitting the difference and you giving the ring back in exchange for £1500!

I think after 8 years it's yours to do with what you will.

BlueLobelia · 09/07/2021 20:49

@MrsTerryPratchett

Go halfsies. If he's convinced it's worth 3k, he should therefore give you 1.5k and you will gladly return it to him.

Watch him magically understand jewelry mark up in a heartbeat.

Wanker.

Or indeed yes this. :)
SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2021 20:51

The ring was given in promise of marriage you didn't marry him so he gets it back. If you don't give it back and sell it he can take you to court for the retail cost of the ring and he will win. If that were true any woman with an engagement ring from a man who is subsequently dumped could sue for failure to fulfil the deal

WeAllHaveWings · 09/07/2021 20:51

@Tinkywinkydinkydoo

I’ve watched enough episodes of Judge Judy to know that in America, you have to give the ring back if you don’t get married as it was a conditional gift. That’s not the same in this country (assuming you’re in the U.K) you can legally keep it. I think this may be why some posters are giving incorrect divide , Judge Judy has a lot to answer for Grin
Gotta love a bit of judge Judy, there was a recent episode where she told the fiance he wasn't getting the ring back after 10 years of engagement as while the ring was normally a contract on presumption of marriage, and should be returned when the contract was broken, 10 years was taking the piss (or some other legal wording) and she could keep it 🤣
Shade17 · 09/07/2021 20:52

Stick it on eBay with a good description including size, weight, details of the stone(s) etc. You should get more than offered by jewellers.

BlueLobelia · 09/07/2021 20:54

@SleepingStandingUp

The ring was given in promise of marriage you didn't marry him so he gets it back. If you don't give it back and sell it he can take you to court for the retail cost of the ring and he will win. If that were true any woman with an engagement ring from a man who is subsequently dumped could sue for failure to fulfil the deal
Indeed a former Australian Prime Minister Paul Keating was sued on this basis. It was quite the scandal at the time, but googling I am having trouble immediately finding a reference.
AcrossthePond55 · 09/07/2021 20:55

After 8 years and giving him 2 DC, I'd say you're entitled to keep it.

AnnaSW1 · 09/07/2021 20:56

I'd tell him I'd given it to a charity shop

StrawberrySundayz · 09/07/2021 20:59

Why would anyone want to keep ring when the engagement is over?

Classica · 09/07/2021 21:00

@StrawberrySundayz

Why would anyone want to keep ring when the engagement is over?
Because she says she might need the money as he's not great at paying child support...
Itsprobablynotcominghome · 09/07/2021 21:01

Put it on home insurance. Flush it down toilet. Claim. Use the money to buy a similar looking ring that’s dirt cheap. Give ring to man. Man dumb. Man don’t remember what ring looked like exactly. ???. Profit.

Janaih · 09/07/2021 21:01

As is often the case, we must look to 90s rnb for guidance:

Case closed.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 09/07/2021 21:02

Under the The Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 states: The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason

As this says, the presumption in UK law is that you can keep the ring. To have a claim on it, your Ex would have to prove that you had agreed between you that it would be returned in the event of marriage not taking place.

DeciduousPerennial · 09/07/2021 21:02

It’s yours. He can ride off into the sunset on his unicorn wearing his invisibility cloak, which seems as reasonable as asking for a ring that’s been yours for 8 years.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2021 21:03

Sell it and put the money into an account for your children.

DolphinFC · 09/07/2021 21:06

Is an engagement ring a gift with the same status as say an ipad or a fish tank? Or is there an element of emotional significance that puts it into a different category?

If the OP was bought a fish tank as a gift them no way should she give it back.

Does an engagement ring go in the same category or is there something different and special about them? Cause you can't have it both ways.

OVienna · 09/07/2021 21:07

@AcrossthePond55

After 8 years and giving him 2 DC, I'd say you're entitled to keep it.
Spot on
Simbacatisback · 09/07/2021 21:07

@AnnaSW1

I'd tell him I'd given it to a charity shop
Many years ago one of my colleagues turned up at work with a VERY very expensive engagement ring. Her family were very well known- her brother is still a name that most people would recognise

It was the day her divorce came through . She met her ex for lunch and gave him back the rings. He refused

She turned in the office and tried to give them away, we all declined but she said she wasn't taking it home

I called a major charity and they sent a courier over within 40 minutes (central London). I told them who she was and the last valuation