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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU engagement ring

248 replies

Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:05

I split with my ex in November last year after 15 years together, engaged for 8, he's now demanding the engagement ring back after initially telling me to sell it. I told him despite what he paid, £3k, it won't be worth anywhere near that, in fact the highest valuation I've had was £500 which I told him. He thinks I'm lying and has asked for the ring or £3k and will not let up. I don't think I should have to return the ring or pay him any money but AIBU?

OP posts:
neverenoughchelseaboots · 09/07/2021 19:16

I was taught in a law lecture at uni that an engagement ring is a promise to marry or words to that effect and a legal case ruled that it had to be returned (which would set a precedent for future).

All other gifts do not need to be returned.

NoEffingWaytoSurvive · 09/07/2021 19:19

I gave my ex-h the engagement ring back because it was his grandma's but I would have kept it otherwise.

Original poster
Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:19

@PocketSize

Do you want to keep it or sell it? *@Googlewasmyidea1*
Honestly? I love it but I'd sell it if it was worth £1k or more. I could do so much for me and the kids with that money. He has plenty, doesn't need it, he's just still bitter about the split and is trying to hurt me anyway he can
OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 09/07/2021 19:19

Give him the ring and let him sell it, then be gleeful when he gets little for it

CassandraTrotter · 09/07/2021 19:20

Tell him to fuck off. He is testing your boundaries. Giving him the ring back wont make him less of an arsehole.

Newmumatlast · 09/07/2021 19:22

@Cabinfever10

The ring was given in promise of marriage you didn't marry him so he gets it back. If you don't give it back and sell it he can take you to court for the retail cost of the ring and he will win. Yabu and grabby by wanting to keep it give it back
Yes I think this is right
Conchitastrawberry · 09/07/2021 19:22

From google

In UK law the giving of an engagement ring is presumed to be a gift so it is assumed the person who receives it should keep it. So sadly, the simple answer is no. As with any gift, it is given on the presumption that it will not be returned.2

user1471442488 · 09/07/2021 19:22

Just give it back, why do you want to keep it?

Original poster
Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:23

@CassandraTrotter

Tell him to fuck off. He is testing your boundaries. Giving him the ring back wont make him less of an arsehole.
Pretty much what I said Grin
OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 09/07/2021 19:25

I really can't understand why you'd want to keep it. I would give it back in your shoes.

Original poster
Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:27

@user1471442488

Just give it back, why do you want to keep it?
Because he doesn't need the money and I might in the very near future
OP posts:
cabbageking · 09/07/2021 19:27

Don't assume it is yours.

Get some specific advice.

claralara42 · 09/07/2021 19:28

@user1471442488

Just give it back, why do you want to keep it?
Because it's hers, and she wants to?
Mrstamborineman · 09/07/2021 19:28

An engagement ring preempts a marriage. You are not getting married. Give the ring back.

Mrstamborineman · 09/07/2021 19:29

You are not fulfilling the purpose the of ring. It is his. Return and move on.

grapewine · 09/07/2021 19:29

If you give it back will he fuck off? If so, do it. Waste no more time on this man.

Original poster
Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:29

And because he's just doing it out of spite and I just don't want to bend to his will. It's a long line of sticks he's using to beat me with and I want to win, just once

OP posts:
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 09/07/2021 19:30

If it was a family heirloom I'd say give it back. If it isn't, then it's yours. Do you want to keep it for your own child one day? He might be more receptive to you keeping it if he knows it will go to one of his kids.

Original poster
Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:31

@grapewine

If you give it back will he fuck off? If so, do it. Waste no more time on this man.
Sadly not, there'll be something else after this
OP posts:
Ghosttile · 09/07/2021 19:31

You can keep the ring but is it worth the hassle?

I’d say he can have the ring for £1k. If he believes it’s worth so much more let him sell it.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 09/07/2021 19:32

Cross posted. Sod him then. He can't make you return it. Mind he doesn't pressure one of your kids to take it one day and give it to him.

Original poster
Googlewasmyidea1 · 09/07/2021 19:33

@RoxanneMonke

*The ring was given in promise of marriage you didn't marry him so he gets it back. If you don't give it back and sell it he can take you to court for the retail cost of the ring and he will win. Yabu and grabby by wanting to keep it give it back*

I don’t think this is true. It was a gift, so the OP’s to do with as she sees fit. Was the break up mutual?

No it wasn't mutual, it was my decision when he chose booze and weed over me and the kids
OP posts:
dottiedodah · 09/07/2021 19:33

I thought it was yours to keep tbh.he is being unreasonable. Just tell him and get a written valuation if you can to show him .he sounds like a dick to me!

ScaredNotAnxious · 09/07/2021 19:34

@Cabinfever10

The ring was given in promise of marriage you didn't marry him so he gets it back. If you don't give it back and sell it he can take you to court for the retail cost of the ring and he will win. Yabu and grabby by wanting to keep it give it back
This is incorrect. In law, engagement rings are in a gift on engagement and only need to be returned if you don't get engaged. They're not wedding gifts, they're engagement gifts. If they were engaged then it's OP's gift and she's under no legal obligation to return it. It may make her life easier to return it - but, legally, it's hers.
RandomMess · 09/07/2021 19:34

He should have got around to marrying you a lot sooner then shouldn't he instead of choosing booze and weed...