AIBU engagement ring

[Googlewasmyidea1]

I split with my ex in November last year after 15 years together, engaged for 8, he's now demanding the engagement ring back after initially telling me to sell it. I told him despite what he paid, £3k, it won't be worth anywhere near that, in fact the highest valuation I've had was £500 which I told him. He thinks I'm lying and has asked for the ring or £3k and will not let up. I don't think I should have to return the ring or pay him any money but AIBU?

Would people stop going on about Judge Judy? Judge Judy does not practice UK law, she's completely irrelevant. The actual UK law has been quoted several times in this thread already. I think people are misunderstanding it but it means that if OP's ex wants to get the ring back via the courts he'd have to prove that he and the OP had an agreement when he gave her the ring that she'd give it back if the marriage didn't go ahead. They had no such agreement. So she is under no obligation to give it back. It is her ring and she needs the money for her children.

@Taliskerskye

If you bought a ring at auction and your budget was 3k you would get a great ring. And the resale value in 8 years would be probably about the same, if not more.

relevance ???

@Toucan123

Would people stop going on about Judge Judy? Judge Judy does not practice UK law, she's completely irrelevant. The actual UK law has been quoted several times in this thread already. I think people are misunderstanding it but it means that if OP's ex wants to get the ring back via the courts he'd have to prove that he and the OP had an agreement when he gave her the ring that she'd give it back if the marriage didn't go ahead. They had no such agreement. So she is under no obligation to give it back. It is her ring and she needs the money for her children.

Lol, I'm in the US and even WE don't think of Judge Judy as the epitome of legal procedure. She's a TV judge who makes decisions based on ratings. If she'd acted the way she acts on her show, if she'd handed down some of the decisions she's made on her show, she'd have been removed from the bench.

People on her show may sign an agreement that her decision is binding, but it's not an actual court decision. They agree to go on because the programme pays any settlement and pays for the trip expenses. If you lose you pay the plaintiff nothing, if you win you don't have to chase the respondent for payment.

PS, She was apparently a very effective 'real' judge during her actual legal career so giving props for that.

That ring is bad juju now. Give it back but first, take a hammer to it. What can he do? “Oops. Caught it in the door. Bend it a bit. Here’s your ring.”

@Henrysmycat

That ring is bad juju now. Give it back but first, take a hammer to it. What can he do? “Oops. Caught it in the door. Bend it a bit. Here’s your ring.”

🤣😂

I'd give it back. I wouldn't want it

OP, unlike some posters, I have read the whole thread so posting now is redundant as you have already decided what to do but….

Etiquette and Law are not the same thing.

Also, US and U.K. law are not the same thing!

In the U.K., you can, quite legally, keep it. In etiquette terms, if your broke off the relationship and should therefore return it but, on the other hand, I don’t think etiquette covers 8 year engagements.

The legal stuff (U.K. law, not LA Law) - www.whnsolicitors.co.uk/newsroom/family/broken-engagement-who-gets-the-ring/

@Toucan123

Would people stop going on about Judge Judy? Judge Judy does not practice UK law, she's completely irrelevant. The actual UK law has been quoted several times in this thread already. I think people are misunderstanding it but it means that if OP's ex wants to get the ring back via the courts he'd have to prove that he and the OP had an agreement when he gave her the ring that she'd give it back if the marriage didn't go ahead. They had no such agreement. So she is under no obligation to give it back. It is her ring and she needs the money for her children.

Even Judge Judy applied jurisdiction. Sometimes it wasn't a gift in contemplation.

I couldn't work for a few months (immigration) and I watched a LOT.

[quote DifficultBloodyWoman]OP, unlike some posters, I have read the whole thread so posting now is redundant as you have already decided what to do but….

Etiquette and Law are not the same thing.

Also, US and U.K. law are not the same thing!

In the U.K., you can, quite legally, keep it. In etiquette terms, if your broke off the relationship and should therefore return it but, on the other hand, I don’t think etiquette covers 8 year engagements.

The legal stuff (U.K. law, not LA Law) - www.whnsolicitors.co.uk/newsroom/family/broken-engagement-who-gets-the-ring/[/quote]
as you said... your points are now null and void.. as OP has decided to sell the ring and put the money into her children's bank accounts.

YANBU but why would you want to keep though?

@tintin13

YANBU but why would you want to keep though?

She's sold it and put the money in their childrens bank accounts.. instead of him pissing it up against a wall...

Is why ...

I know you've made your decision, but you never answered if it was a family heirloom that your ex gave you.

I would be interested to know the answer to that as it would make a difference to the answer of whether to keep or return.

@minisoksmakehardwork

I know you've made your decision, but you never answered if it was a family heirloom that your ex gave you.

I would be interested to know the answer to that as it would make a difference to the answer of whether to keep or return.

As she knows how much it cost when he bought it for her im guessing he bought it

He sounds really nasty, I'd say you dodged a bullet by not marrying him. Give the ring back. You know you won't want to wear it again anyway.

@Cabinfever10

The ring was given in promise of marriage you didn't marry him so he gets it back. If you don't give it back and sell it he can take you to court for the retail cost of the ring and he will win. Yabu and grabby by wanting to keep it give it back

Eh?? Is this the actual LAW?

Having known men like him I would just give it back, with a smile. He will hate that!

I think his children getting the money is a perfect solution.

No, it was given as a gift. You have children, one day it will belong to one of them.

@Googlewasmyidea1

And because he's just doing it out of spite and I just don't want to bend to his will. It's a long line of sticks he's using to beat me with and I want to win, just once

And there we have it. Little pathetic games. Surely you're better than that. You're going to look back in a few years and feel embarrassed about this.

I would've just given it back and moved on. I know you're now going to sell and give the money to the children, but I wouldn't have even done that.

Why would you want to keep a ring that has such negativity attached to it?

Why are people mentioning judge Judy which is based in another country with different laws? In fact their laws also vary state to state!

Why are people mentioning judge Judy which is based in another country with different laws? In fact their laws also vary state to state! Mine was sarcasm 😁

It's yours of course, but I don't see why I'd want to keep it in those circumstances really.

Am impressed with the number of saints on this thread who would return it or share it with an abusive ex who doesn't pay for his DCs and who the OP says repeatedly acts spitefully. I'm all for seeing the bugger picture and managing difficult people and know there are two sides to each story but perhaps don't see such widespread generosity IRL.

Because Judge Judy sets internationally binding, unchangeable precedents. Similar for medical diagnosis on American hospital TV shows and schooling at American High Schools. Was genuniely surprised at annual manual pelvic exam in USA from age 19? for which the evidence base is at best contested but the other reasons perhaps less so.