Thoughts on baby in nursery at 8 months?

[babyblues21]

Just that really. My baby will be in nursery from this age and I'm struggling with the idea. Any experiences, either positive or negative? Would a childminder be a better option at this age so my baby has more 1:1 care?

@Babyiskickingmyribs

Oh ! 3 months and 8 months look very different OP. You might need to start looking for a nursery or childminder now but in 5 months time your baby will have changed a lot. She will be interested in watching other children and she will be much more interactive. She may well be crawling and moving herself towards things and people she wants to interact with. It will be easier for you to see things she will enjoy about nursery. I started leaving my son with his dad one day a week while I worked when he was 4 months. I found it hard to be away from him but it was also amazing to have a break from that constant ´mum’ mode where every second you are aware of what you baby is doing and anticipating their needs in the next few minutes. When I left him with a childminder for the first time at 11months I reread some work stuff for the first time and was instantly able to see problems with the writing that I just hadn’t been able to process while my son was in the house with me. You might find that having some childcare in place helps you feel like you are enjoying time you do spend with your daughter more, because of that mental break.

Very helpful. My career is something I've worked hard for and means a lot to me, so this helps, thank you x

My DD who's now 16 was in nursery from 5 months by necessity. It was really hard for me as my DS's were all older when they went. However my DD was fine, as she got older and recognised nursery she loved going in.
OP your DD will be absolutely fine, I know it'll be a wrench at first for you but she'll be well looked after.

Hi OP. Mine was in since 5 months and a half, which is standard for Spain, where maternity leave is 4.5 months and you stick your annual leave on top. You feel a bit guilty but she did so well and she had such a happy face when I dropped her off and when I picked her up again that I knew she would be ok. She is now nearly 3 and in her last month at nursery, as she is starting preschool in September. Your little one will be fine too. A big hug.

*No idea what Bagheera22 said but from the responses I can imagine and agree, ignore it.
*

Questioned whether I even wanted my baby in the first place since I was "dumping" her in nursery at the "first opportunity" and just "ticking a box" by having her.

Vile.

@bobcatinthewild

I think a childminder would be better, but if childminder is ill you could be stuck without childcare, whereas that is far less likely to happen in a nursery as multiple staff.

Can I ask why you think childminder would be better?

@otterbaby

Ugh, this thread has made me feel sick. My 9 month old started this week and I was feeling pretty good about it (though still guilty) until I read about people who worked at nurseries where they just ignored the babies all day 😢 my daughter still isn't crawling, I hope she's not just plonked to the side all day and then they just lie and tell me she's had a nice day 🥺😭

Sending hugs. I'm sure this isn't the case for your little one and these incidents are isolated. x

Downsides of using a nursery. Only one I think. Once they leave nursery wraparound childcare becomes trickier. Friends who used a child minder carried on with them as they did school drop offs, pickups and holiday care where I'd failed to grasp how tricky this would be to navigate!

Such a good point - hadn't thought of this

Today 10:28 babyblues21

*No idea what Bagheera22 said but from the responses I can imagine and agree, ignore it.
*

Questioned whether I even wanted my baby in the first place since I was "dumping" her in nursery at the "first opportunity" and just "ticking a box" by having her.

Vile.”

So sorry. Thankfully, most people aren’t nasty.

I think a childminder would be better, but if childminder is ill you could be stuck without childcare, whereas that is far less likely to happen in a nursery as multiple staff.

I think it is very personal, I viewed a childminder and left and cried in the car, I could not send my baby to her, the TV was on - the 3 kids she had while I was there were glued to it, my baby ds cried walking in the front door and didn't stop crying through the visit. I did not warm to her at all.

The nursery he goes to (after viewing 3) was a totally different experience.

My Dad was horrified at the thought of his grandson attending nursery from 6 months. Seeing how well he progressed there and how happy he was (even went to pick him up a couple of times), he did a complete u turn and was saying how good it was for him to other relatives. Whatever you chose to do, is what is right for you x

My son went to nursery from 7 months old. I chose a nursery because I thought it would be more reliable (ie you are not relying one one person who may get ill) and I also thought that if you have more staff, if a particular child is being a nightmare you can take time out, which a childminder can't. And I didn't like the idea of a childminder having five children of differing ages, with a small baby (can't remember the exact ratios now). My son was at nursery until the summer before he started school.

I chose a childminder for after-school care (well didn't choose as the school didn't, and still doesn't, have an after-school club though subsequently had a breakfast club). My son went twice a week during the holidays before he started school. One thing I noticed immediately was the improvement in his vocabulary because he was spending time with older children.

And those making snipey comments about "shoving kids into childcare" can congratulate themselves on marrying someone rich enough to keep them and the kids do they don't have to work. Those of us less "discerning" in our choice of partner had to work to contribute to the roof over our, and our childrens' heads.

You will be inundated here and hugely reassured with positive responses, these threads are always like that and will often counter their arguments with extreme examples how much better it is than a parent at home who is v depressed and does nothing with the baby (I totally agree) or a sahp who can never get work ever again.
I think it's really difficult for parents these days who don't have family support and the options are often just nurseries or childminders.
I worked in lots of nurseries as I took a year off pre Uni, I adore kids but found nurseries (the ones I worked in were considered good) to be a really unsuitable environment for under 2's, the kids there didn't get enough attention obviously, they didn't have that tactile, warm love from a parent ( of course they get this at home but for a baby hours without is a long time), they didn't get enough fresh air ( huge bugbear of mine), constant illness ( I don't actually think repeatedly getting infections/gastro bugs etc is great for the immune system) and just on the most basic level it's boring. It's not at all this stimulating environment that people might believe. I also didn't like some sleep training methods and yes kids do magically end up sleeping at nurseries but I don't like how this was done.
This is MY opinion and my experiences and I know full well as parents with absolutely no family support how difficult it can be, I know lots of parents don't have have choice but I also don't agree with sticking heads in the sand. Also people can't tell if their baby is happy all day at a nursery and loves it. Under 2s don't socialise with other babies at all, socialisation at this age isn't really important.
I find the attachment theories pretty interesting and the works of Bowlby etc.
My dh and me had to swap over a lot and have both ended up working from home, sometimes I worked f/t, soimetimes he. We definitely made less money initially but now thankfully doing well. However we were also late 20's , early 30's when we had babies so lower salary initially anyway.

we are both back working in established careers now, it wasn't easy but we were both anti childcare pre 2 years and we never have help or even odd babysitting from family.

This is my experience of several nurseries and it's OK for me to have my opinion, it's also fine to have another view. I totally get that plenty don't have a choice and but full time nurseries for a small baby isn't ideal.in my opinion.

@igelkott2021 the overwhelming response here towards nurseries has been very positive.

My little boy had done a morning a week from bring 6 months old.
He loves it. We've never had tears and it's plain to see how much he enjoys going and how much care the staff provide. We get lots of updates and pictures of him enjoying his day.

Previously I thought I'd want him to go to a childminder, but wheb you consider the constant walking to and from school for pick up/drop off in all weather's, the fact that their in a home and any one could pop by, and after watching child minders at soft play repeatedly ignoring the children in their care, and much happier with my decision.

I'd advise the drop and run technique, a quick kiss goodbye and a mummy is coming to pick you up at 1pm then going. Don't hang about.

My DS went in at 4 months i day a week, the nursery LOVED having a baby and made a total fuss of him. I actually wish I'd used a nursery for all the childcare (MIL had him the rest of the week as she pushed for it).

My DD went from 8 months old 2 days a week and my DS went 3 days from 1. Both really enjoyed it and they were well cared for.

Go and look at the nurseries and meet the staff before you make your decisions. Ask about how they get them to sleep and see if it fits with your parenting.

One very modern and beautiful nursery near me was just not wowing me and when I asked where the babies slept, she told me always in a cot, never in a pushchair because nursery manager didn't believe in it. I left. My daughter always slept in her pushchair and I didn't have a problem if she slept in a cot but there was no way I was going to leave her somewhere where they would rather her scream than make her comfortable. That wasn't for me.

I went to a toddler group which was all child minders. It was really interesting. Some were incredible and some were not. I think an excellent child minder is better than an excellent nursery. But an excellent nursery is better than a not so good child minder. Mine went to nursery. Lots and lots of positives but if I had my time again, I would probably find the right child minder.

I agree with @SummerHouse

I think it is very personal, I viewed a childminder and left and cried in the car, I could not send my baby to her, the TV was on - the 3 kids she had while I was there were glued to it, my baby ds cried walking in the front door and didn't stop crying through the visit. I did not warm to her at all.

I had a very similar experience going to see one childminder. Children glued to TV. I also didn’t warm to the childminder’s boyfriend at all, and obviously it was his home. I also wasn’t comfortable with the CM strapping him into a car seat and driving him round for an hour a day.

Not to say that all childminders are bad, far from it, but I definitely don’t think they are automatically better just because it’s a ‘home environment’.

Re sleep training, I Had asked about this as my baby wasn’t a sleeper (we did induction at 10 months but Covid delayed my return to 18m).

While they liked the babies to be in a similar routine, they accepted some wouldn’t and showed me what activities they did with any non-sleepers during nap time.

It's such an individual choice OP there isnt really a right answer. Depends on you, depends on the baby. Nursery for a baby never seemed right to me so ds1 went to a childminder. Other friends didnt like the idea of a childminder so their baby went to nursery. Ds2 was so unsettled at being left anywhere that I stopped work for a few years after which he was fine w nursery .

They are all teens now and all equally fine (or not, depending on their mood).

I also had major issues with ‘but how will I even know if they are happy?’ I spoke with staff about this and their responses were reassuring for as much as you can trust that.

I think a childminder would be better, but if childminder is ill you could be stuck without childcare, whereas that is far less likely to happen in a nursery as multiple staff.

I think a lot of people worry about this being an issue but it never has for us - my childminder knows lots of other childminders, they meet up and visit each other (Covid restrictions permitting) do school runs together etc so when my childminder has been ill (very rare occasion) or she’s had appointments then it’s always been easy to arrange ‘cover’ as such. The first time I sent DS to someone else for the day I was worried he’d be upset but he knew the other childminder instantly and he just walked in to her house like it’s no big deal, didn’t even say bye to me...
I think a lot of childminders have a good social network like this, but obviously it’s always worth asking beforehand.

My DD works in a baby room. All the girls love 'their' babies and their babies love them. Yes some days the wee ones cry coming in but then again they cry when they are leaving.
My DD missed them so much when they were closed during lockdowns. To the girls in her nursery its not just a job they genuinely love the babies.
You need to do what suits your family circumstances. My DD was looked after by family but DS was in nursery 3 days a week and noth of them are very well adjusted adults who certainly don't feel we ever abandoned them.
Please be kind to yourself and don't ruin this time off with your wee one worrying about months to come

Mine son has been in nursery since just before 9 months anything from 2 1/2- 4 days a week 8am-6pm.
He absolutely loves it and gets all the interaction and experiences that I couldn’t give him during Covid.