Thoughts on baby in nursery at 8 months?

[babyblues21]

Just that really. My baby will be in nursery from this age and I'm struggling with the idea. Any experiences, either positive or negative? Would a childminder be a better option at this age so my baby has more 1:1 care?

Mine went 5 days a week from 8 months on and she absolutely adores nursery. She has her group of friends, many more structured activities than I would ever think of doing, and has learnt to eat new and interesting foods there.

I do slightly object that I should find it hard or a wrench to be away from my daughter - I do not! I love my own life and my own career and then I love going to pick her up each evening and having a fab weekend full of fun. I am not sacrificing my relationship with her in the slightest and resent the opinion that I had to do it for financial reasons otherwise I would be a SAHM as that is what all women should want to do in society!

My son started nursery at 11 months. He started a month before I went back to work so we could both get used to it. I started looking around nurseries around 6 months so I had time to decide on the best place. Took tours, asked questions, even did a pro and con list!
He had a little moan during the first setting in session and after that he was fine.

He's 16 months now and still loves it. It's part of his routine and he knows what to expect. He runs to the staff in the morning arms up ready to play! I collect him at the end of the day and the smile on his face makes any guilt go away. Our weekends are full of quality time. Nursery are brilliant about telling me about his day and listening to any concerns too.

Please don't feel guilty. Nursery becomes a part of your village when raising a child.

Please don't feel guilty. Nursery becomes a part of your village when raising a child.

Oh wow. I love this. Such a beautiful way to put a positive spin on the heartbreak of leaving my baby. Thank you!

@moonlight1705 and I object to the constant assertions on here that people who chose not to put their babies into nursery or other childcare institutions from a very young age are all mindless morons with no ambition.
The comments I have seen here and all this defensiveness when more than 90 percent of this thread is positively glowing re early years thread is weird , it's like an echo chamber.. All this "don't listen to them, who ?
Everyone is massively supportive of nurseries for babies on this thread, look at the majority of replies. Among the comments re sahp I have read "I'd be a loony if I was sahp", "I like to get dressed up and have a life" etc etc .
I, like other parents I know who were sahp are all back at work, I have a degree and masters and believe it or not managed to read, socialise with my friends and dress well during my time as a sahp when my kids were small.

@Ahnowcomon

I think the "don't listen to the negativity" type comments are offering support on the back of the troll who commented early on in the thread, implying that I didn't really want my baby if I was "dumping" her in childcare at a young age.

[quote Ahnowcomon]@moonlight1705 and I object to the constant assertions on here that people who chose not to put their babies into nursery or other childcare institutions from a very young age are all mindless morons with no ambition.
The comments I have seen here and all this defensiveness when more than 90 percent of this thread is positively glowing re early years thread is weird , it's like an echo chamber.. All this "don't listen to them, who ?
Everyone is massively supportive of nurseries for babies on this thread, look at the majority of replies. Among the comments re sahp I have read "I'd be a loony if I was sahp", "I like to get dressed up and have a life" etc etc .
I, like other parents I know who were sahp are all back at work, I have a degree and masters and believe it or not managed to read, socialise with my friends and dress well during my time as a sahp when my kids were small. [/quote]
Wowzers ok

Also literally no one has said SAHMs are mindless morons with no ambition?!

@Ahnowcomon I would suggest your experience of being a sahp doesn't represent all and anyone with a different experience of being a sahp isn't having a dig at you or sahp s in general

@babyblues21

Also literally no one has said SAHMs are mindless morons with no ambition?!

Exactly

I had a lovely childminder, OP. I wanted my dc to be in a family-type environment rather than an institutional one. It worked really well, and they carried on with the childminder for pick-up and after school care. My children loved her and liked playing with the few other children there.

How is it a "wow ", it has been insinuated a lot on this thread. Also the op asked for opinions and they are overwhelming positive, this is all a fact. I also quoted what was said on this thread by pp re sahp. All of this is fact, there's nothing wow about it.
Anyway op at the end of the day if your happy with the nursery and feel comfortable then that's all that matters and from what pp have said here they seem to have very good experiences. I was just giving you my experience of working in some before. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I didn't see that message op and that's a terrible comment.

Personal recommendation is a massive bonus when looking at childcare - if you know people who use it and are happy then it’s a great, great start.

Please don't feel guilty. Nursery becomes a part of your village when raising a child.

This is so true and a lovely way of putting it

[quote PippaGrace]@RaindropsOnRosie what you have said is 100% spot on! I worked in the baby room too and was horrified at how the young babies were treated. I didn’t last long as I was constantly reporting staff members and was eventually fired for ‘not being a team player’. The ones who weren’t mobile were plonked in a chair for most of day and the ones who were too young to socialise would just potter about on their own. Any activities that the young babies did were just for the camera or for visitors, just like you said. OP, use a childminder until your little one is a bit older. When you visit a nursery it might seem impressive and their books might be filled with all the lovely artwork ‘they’ve’ done but it’s all for show in my experience.[/quote]
Exactly this. Nurseries all for show and money. There were always plenty of toys and books but the babies weren't shown how to use them and they just played alone. They were seen as nuisances. The staff didn't care about their development or reaching milestones and would occasionally do quick tests to make sure the babies could actually do what they've written.

I was also told I wasn't being a team player, I wasn't invited to the Christmas do and they stopped telling me when the staff meeting was as well as other important things I should've been at. When I left I reported each nursery and constantly was on the phone to the LA.

@Fernando072020 @Moraxella
You're not the only people who didn't know, the parents of the babies there raved about the nursery and although their children were happy they weren't actually being looked after, they just looked forward to the occasional activities they did together. Even meal times where staff should've been paying a lot of attention to them were rushed and the babies weren't given enough time to finish their food or even milk at times.

@babyblues21 I've PM'd you x

That's not my experience at all of the nursery my son went to. I popped in to collect or drop at several different times, nothing was just for show. Ds is almost 5 now and hasn't been at his baby nursery for 2 years. The manager emailed me to ask me to bring him in in his uniform when he starts school. I often see the staff out on the local field with the babies and picnic blankets etc.

Even meal times where staff should've been paying a lot of attention to them were rushed and the babies weren't given enough time to finish their food or even milk at times.

😱 I seriously hope this nursery isn't running anymore

OP, it will be hard at first but I bet you’ll find as you both settle in, that she will be absolutely fine and happy and YOU will feel much better about yourself.

I only returned to work 2 days a week and my child didn’t go to nursery, but I felt more like me having time away from home. I’m sure it will help your PND.

I spoke to my work before returning about reducing hours, so if you were going to go down this route, I’m sure you can contact them before you go back?

On last thing, the thought of going back to work after maternity leave was horrific, but once she turned one (I went back when she was 13 months), for some reason it didn’t feel so terrible.

@shouldistop That’s lovely and I really hope that was the case at your nursery. Every nursery practitioner that has contributed to this thread (bar one) has said otherwise. We all have almost exactly the same stories. That can’t be a coincidence, surely? All the staff had worked at various other nurseries before and when I confronted them they told me that their previous nurseries were the same. Make of that what you will. Of course most parents are going to give glowing reviews of their nursery experiences, but they never worked at those nurseries, they have no idea what was really going on behind closed doors.

Mine went from four and five months pt, and financially I didn't even have to go back to work! Would have ended up on antidepressants otherwise though. We had zero family help. No GP clamouring for sleepovers or to have the GC alone here. Those threads are alien to me.
Now 18 and 16 and never a single regret. We're all bonded well enough and they're top set independant teens who've never given us any trouble.
And my pension looks great.

@PippaGrace in fairness though all childcare settings are the same. Do you really know what goes on at a childminders, grandparents, school etc?

I haven't read all posts but just wanted to offer my opinion. I'm a childminder and have also worked in lots of nurseries. Please try not to worry. You most definitely are not a bad mum for using childcare.
I would advise you look around both settings (more than 1 of each if possible)
You will know when you've found the right one. In my experience the nurseries I worked in were ok but nothing great. If you go down the nursery route I would recommend a smaller one over big. The issues I had were in a room of 12 babies although there were 4 staff some babies struggled as it was such a busy environment. It really depends on the individual child.
Now I work with an assistant and we have up to 6 little ones and go out and about. Only up to 2 babies. We rarely have a day off for sickness but do close for our holidays which can be a problem for parents if they have no other help. However we do give the best part of a years notice.
I'm 100% certain whichever childcare you use your baby will be fine. And please don't ever think they won't love or need you anymore because they will. Even after some children spend 55 hrs a week with me they still are so excited to see their mum. That bond can never be broken x

I think it completely depends on the child. If your daughter is sociable she will love nursery. If not then it could be worth looking into more 1
to 1 care, if you have a junior nanny or au pair it can sometimes be the same price as nursery especially in London.

@Justgettingbye That is true. Mostly. My parents raised me so I think I have a good idea of who they are as people and what they are like with children. Once children are a little older they can talk so I wouldn’t lump school in the same category. We’re talking about young babies who can’t speak for themselves.

@PippaGrace possibly but I live in a village with only 2 nurseries. One for 0-3 and one for 3-5. Most of the people working in them also live here and have children at either nursery. I don't think they'd be able to keep a big secret of them actually being terrible.