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Original poster

Thoughts on baby in nursery at 8 months?

304 replies

babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 20:51

Just that really. My baby will be in nursery from this age and I'm struggling with the idea. Any experiences, either positive or negative? Would a childminder be a better option at this age so my baby has more 1:1 care?

OP posts:
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Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 19:49

Oh god this debate isn't really helping tbh. I have no parents so sadly I don't have the convenience and peace of mind that comes with being able to leave my child with family. I literally have no choice but to trust strangers who I am paying. I don't think it helps me to start thinking that potentially none of them are trustworthy 🙈

OP posts:
LaMadrilena · 09/07/2021 19:49

My DD will be going 5 days a week from around 8 months. Me and her DF get 4 months leave each, and don't have any other options. It worries me a bit, but there are plenty of people who do this and I don't think their children turn out emotionally stunted! We all do what we have to do, and try not to feel too guilty about it (despite the best efforts of some...).

Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 19:50

This thread is starting to talk me out of a career that I worked my arse off for the best part of a decade for (and completed many university degrees to be qualified for 🙈😂)

OP posts:
brushlaptop · 09/07/2021 19:56

@babyblues21 can you take extended leave or just another year off if you are super nervous about it? That's what I've done with my son. I was a management consultant for 10 years worked super hard to get to the position I was in but couldn't part with him and now having another baby in 3 months so figured I would take some time off of work while the kids are young then go back when ready.

Either way nursery or not I'm sure your daughter will be fine!

Legaleaglenot · 09/07/2021 20:01

Haven’t read the thread but my DC hated nursery, were fine at CM.

NopeNotGonna · 09/07/2021 20:02

Hi op, I've worked in a baby room in a nursery for over 10 years. 8 months is actually a very good time for your baby to start because the earlier the baby is, usually, the easier it is for them to settle as they haven't reached the separation anxiety stage yet.

Over the years I've had babies come in for 1-5 days, some for a few half days a week, even some who were put in for half a day a week. Honestly I can you tell you in most cases the babies who were in 3-5 a week days settled much quicker. This is just my experience before anyone jumps on me, not me bashing anyone's childcare choices.

Your baby will be absolutely fine. Please ignore any negative comments you have received, nursery is not a bad choice, there are many benefits for both you and baby.

brushlaptop · 09/07/2021 20:02

Totally not trying to convince you o give up your career btw but I tried going back after 9 months wasn't ready at all and it didn't last long and wasn't a pleasant experience but other women are different and can't wait to get back to work. So individual. For me it was right to take more time off.

PippaGrace · 09/07/2021 20:04

@shouldistop That is a bit of a different situation to be fair. If you’re in a small village and you all know each other it’s hardly the same thing as leaving your kids with complete strangers.

Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx · 09/07/2021 20:17

@babyblues21 please don’t let this thread make you feel that way, (I’m the mum who commented a few pages ago re full time from 6 months baby used to squeal etc).
In my DD room I’d say there are around 12-15 babies… there are 4 staff members full time plus extra that come and go. We are in a similar situation to you with zero family members to help us out, CM I think for those that work full time aren’t hugely helpful as what happens with sickness etc? At least with nursery if the key person is sick, life goes on….

I can yours is one near a hospital etc, ie NHS, I’ve only ever heard good things about those (I am emergency services but not NHS) but we all hear about the good the bad and ugly in terms of child care.

The fact that the manager sounds so warm on the phone is such a huge plus, go with your instincts with it 🥰

Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 20:18

[quote brushlaptop]@babyblues21 can you take extended leave or just another year off if you are super nervous about it? That's what I've done with my son. I was a management consultant for 10 years worked super hard to get to the position I was in but couldn't part with him and now having another baby in 3 months so figured I would take some time off of work while the kids are young then go back when ready.

Either way nursery or not I'm sure your daughter will be fine! [/quote]

No I couldn't do this because my financial circumstances wouldn't allow for it. I'm having 9 months mat leave and that's all I can afford to take sadly. I'd love another year off with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 20:21

[quote Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx]@babyblues21 please don’t let this thread make you feel that way, (I’m the mum who commented a few pages ago re full time from 6 months baby used to squeal etc).
In my DD room I’d say there are around 12-15 babies… there are 4 staff members full time plus extra that come and go. We are in a similar situation to you with zero family members to help us out, CM I think for those that work full time aren’t hugely helpful as what happens with sickness etc? At least with nursery if the key person is sick, life goes on….

I can yours is one near a hospital etc, ie NHS, I’ve only ever heard good things about those (I am emergency services but not NHS) but we all hear about the good the bad and ugly in terms of child care.

The fact that the manager sounds so warm on the phone is such a huge plus, go with your instincts with it 🥰[/quote]

Thank you. Yes there's a lot to be said for instinct isn't there. I had a lovely chat with her and I felt really warm inside afterwards Smile

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Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 20:35

@NopeNotGonna

Can I ask... In your 10 years have you witnessed anything in the baby rooms that has concerned you?

OP posts:
Sparklykins · 09/07/2021 20:38

We used a childminder at 9 months and she settled in straight away. She even went down for her naps easily when she put up a fight at home. I think if I'd waited until she was 1 it would've been a lot harder, I couldn't even leave the room without her screaming at that point.

I noticed her learning more straight away, I think it's really good for her to be around other kids.

It's also made me a lot less anxious. I know that if I'm not doing everything correctly to help with her development then there is an expert working with her too, so it takes the pressure off. Also nice to get a bit of a break too.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 09/07/2021 20:43

[quote babyblues21]@NopeNotGonna

Can I ask... In your 10 years have you witnessed anything in the baby rooms that has concerned you?[/quote]
I dont think thats going to be helpful at all. In 10 years im going to say most people have witnessed dodgy practice in any role they're working in.

JassyRadlett · 09/07/2021 20:53

Please don't feel guilty. Nursery becomes a part of your village when raising a child.

This is so true for us. Many of our kids’ nursery staff are still part of our village one and five years later.

In our nursery the baby room was fairly small and the littler babies were in hot demand for cuddles from the nursery managers and floating staff. They were flexible to the babies’ routines and needs - more so than a childminder who was doing school pickups would have been able to do (and more than I would with my second child!)

We chose a nursery with relatively low staff turnover (I have a higher turnover rate in my professional team) and the baby room was always a mix of some of the most experienced staff and some of the younger and newer carers.

They were so gentle and nurturing with my two naturally shy/reserved kids - we have no local family and nursery was such an important part of making their worlds bigger.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 21:16

I dont think thats going to be helpful at all.

Obviously it is to me, hence why I asked.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 21:17

@JassyRadlett

Please don't feel guilty. Nursery becomes a part of your village when raising a child.

This is so true for us. Many of our kids’ nursery staff are still part of our village one and five years later.

In our nursery the baby room was fairly small and the littler babies were in hot demand for cuddles from the nursery managers and floating staff. They were flexible to the babies’ routines and needs - more so than a childminder who was doing school pickups would have been able to do (and more than I would with my second child!)

We chose a nursery with relatively low staff turnover (I have a higher turnover rate in my professional team) and the baby room was always a mix of some of the most experienced staff and some of the younger and newer carers.

They were so gentle and nurturing with my two naturally shy/reserved kids - we have no local family and nursery was such an important part of making their worlds bigger.

How lovely x

OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 09/07/2021 21:18

@babyblues21

I dont think thats going to be helpful at all.

Obviously it is to me, hence why I asked.

Ok. No need to be snippy. Ive tried to be really helpful to you on this thread. Good luck with finding a nursery where nothing has ever gone wrong in 10 years.
Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 21:19

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I'm not being "snippy"; nor am I looking for a nursery where nothing has wrong for 10 years. You're misunderstanding what I was asking that poster and why, and I don't have the mental energy to explain it to you. Thanks for your other helpful contributions on the thread though

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GettingItOutThere · 09/07/2021 21:30

Put her in and don't feel guilt OP, we have to work!

One of mine went at 9 months and thrived. Nursery does become your village, we have such a good relationship as its so much trust to put on "strangers", but listen to your child too.

She will get upset at random intvervals, it happens, it is normal. You will get upset too (normal)!. We have to be tough sometimes

thebemusedone · 09/07/2021 21:32

I had bad PND and was suspicious and paranoid about everyone. In my twisted view at the time, no one could look after my DS like me and he couldn’t possibly be safe without me there so I get all of your worries and more. It only served to make me more exhausted constantly being on edge and being the only one doing for him.

Thankfully I recovered to go back to work which coincided with him being about 9 months. Going back to work helped my recovery too as it went from lockdown, stuck in the house with a baby, who, as amazing as he is, they don’t give you a great deal back (!) to having others to talk to and some outside baby world mental stimulation.

It has been a really lovely age - he settled so well that on his first trial visit, they suggested we could leave the room as he was so happy. He’s never ever cried going in and always holds out his hands to them at drop off time. When we pick him up, he will rush to the door, bang on the door shouting for us and greet us with the most beautiful, huge smile - they don’t forget who you are, as much as I worried about that too!

I hope you make a decision that feels right for you and your family ❤️

Pawsin · 09/07/2021 21:46

I have worked in EY for years, and been to many many nurseries. Some brilliant, some awful. It's impossible to judge them as a whole as they're all just so different, like the way you couldn't judge all restaurants as a whole. And I'm sure childminders are the same.

I think the key thing people need to remember is that with a 1:3 ratio with babies it is never going to be the same level of care that a mum to one baby provides. Even with the most lovely, attentive nursery practitioners if all 3 babies are crying/wanting different things at once it's impossible to immediately meet all their needs.

I'd be asking them questions like what is their staff turnover like, ensuring they have a good mix of ages of staff (mostly teenagers would avoid personally), how often they rotate toys, what methods they use to put babies to sleep, what they're behaviour policy is like/how they deal with challenging behaviour, etc. I also think it's a good idea when having a visit to ask random questions to the staff, such as 'what's the youngest child you have at the moment' or 'what's your topic/planning based on this week'. The reaction will probably tell you more than the actual answer, and how well they actually know the children/are engaged with what's going on.

KatieB55 · 09/07/2021 21:53

I think it's quite normal to be apprehensive but baby will be fine. My first had to go two days from 4 months and I found it really hard leaving him but he became a very sociable child, learned to share early and loved the nursery staff.

brushlaptop · 09/07/2021 22:04

I think go in with the opinion that it seems great but if this nursery isn't right you'll fine another and it will be fine. You'll get really stressed if she's upset there or you don't like it and you don't have other options but there are loads of nurseries so have a few lined up, go for it, and know that if it doesn't work out it's not the end of the world there are others 🤷‍♀️ navigating parenthood was never meant to be easy!

reluctantbrit · 09/07/2021 22:19

@babyblues21

This thread is starting to talk me out of a career that I worked my arse off for the best part of a decade for (and completed many university degrees to be qualified for 🙈😂)
Don't think like that. You and your future as as important as your baby is and who you choose to care for it.

DD is now 14, typical teen with a huge sense of self-importance but on the other hand she will come and cuddle, shares her chocolate and spend time with us. So I doubt that 4 full days of nursery did harm her. She is still in a circle of friends she met at nursery and all the girls are the same.

Just because you decide on childcare it doesn't mean that there is no bond with your child and a atranger raised it.

For us it was even worse in the eyes of some people as DH and I both travelled for work a lot before she was in primary school.