Thoughts on baby in nursery at 8 months?

[babyblues21]

Just that really. My baby will be in nursery from this age and I'm struggling with the idea. Any experiences, either positive or negative? Would a childminder be a better option at this age so my baby has more 1:1 care?

@babyblues21 my daughter has been in nursery full times since six months, so 730-5pm five days a week. It was a necessity but loves every single minute of it…. When she couldn’t talk her face would light up every time we got to nursey and she would squeal. Now she’s nearly two and still full time from the moment she wakes up all she says is the nursery staffs name; and go go go go. She loves it.

No regrets at all, the staff love her and she loves the staff as well.

I’m a bit gutted as she moves up rooms very soon as she’s been with the same staff for 18 months 😭

@R3ALLY

Please don't be upset. Mine were in from around that age and are now thriving teenagers. Actually I think they settle better a little earlier. It's a personal choice but I'd always go for a nursery for babies over a childminder who might have a range of ages - nursery staff are trained for babies and will be good for scheduled nap times etc. It's stressful now but when you get to know the staff it won't be 'the nursery' it'll be 'oh there's Emma who my LO really likes' and so on. You get to know them. Also - while I'm here - let me just check for the million threads from Dads worrying about this. Oh wait... they don't exist. People work, some choose to, some have to. You are clearly a caring Mum who is thinking deeply about your children, they will be fine x

Thank you x

And yes - such a good point. Why don't dads worry themselves sick about these things? So much falls to us as mummies doesn't it ...

[quote Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx]@babyblues21 my daughter has been in nursery full times since six months, so 730-5pm five days a week. It was a necessity but loves every single minute of it…. When she couldn’t talk her face would light up every time we got to nursey and she would squeal. Now she’s nearly two and still full time from the moment she wakes up all she says is the nursery staffs name; and go go go go. She loves it.

No regrets at all, the staff love her and she loves the staff as well.

I’m a bit gutted as she moves up rooms very soon as she’s been with the same staff for 18 months 😭[/quote]

Oh god love your little one. This warmed my heart. Thank you x

@Jellyred

Find out if the nursery has a parent partnership contact. They can provide reassurance.

While ofsted reports are useful, I do prefer lived experiences.

Sorry if I sound a bit thick but what's a parent partnership contact?

@babyblues21 I’d also view local Facebook groups to see if they have opinions of the nursey, I wouldn’t ask but if you search in the groups they will say.

My kids were both in nursery from just under a year old. It was better for them than being with me, to be honest - they socialised, they had all sorts of activities, it was wonderful. And it was better for my mental health to be back at work, I was a bit bored of being at home by then to be honest. How old is your baby now? You might feel differently by then (sorry if you’ve already posted that, I can’t see it though).

It’s worth remembering that mums went back to work much earlier a generation ago, and in other countries like Denmark children go into childcare earlier and almost always full time because there isn’t a part time culture. Please try to think about the benefits of childcare to you and your baby not the potential downsides xx

DS2 is in nursery 5 days, has been since he was 8 months old in February. He gets dropped off at 8:30 and gets picked up at 5. He loves it, kicks and smiles and squeals when we pull up outside. There are 3 babies and 2 full time staff, both of whom have worked there for over 5 years so I trust that he gets to build a relationship with them both, he's the only full timer and so knows all of the staff and the other kids well. They've said he basically rules the room hah! They're an extension of our family now they truly are the best people I could wish for for my baby.

I don’t know what a parent partnership contact is either 🤣🤣🤣

@Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx

I don’t know what a parent partnership contact is either 🤣🤣🤣

Glad it's not just me 😂

[quote Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx]@babyblues21 I’d also view local Facebook groups to see if they have opinions of the nursey, I wouldn’t ask but if you search in the groups they will say.[/quote]

Great idea, thank you!

@Minionbums

My kids were both in nursery from just under a year old. It was better for them than being with me, to be honest - they socialised, they had all sorts of activities, it was wonderful. And it was better for my mental health to be back at work, I was a bit bored of being at home by then to be honest. How old is your baby now? You might feel differently by then (sorry if you’ve already posted that, I can’t see it though).

It’s worth remembering that mums went back to work much earlier a generation ago, and in other countries like Denmark children go into childcare earlier and almost always full time because there isn’t a part time culture. Please try to think about the benefits of childcare to you and your baby not the potential downsides xx

She's 3 months now x

Mine did 3 days a week at that age. Upped to full time when funded hours were available.
It was absolutely fine. Nursery were great, DC got to know lots of people, was used to being away from home in a fun learning environment, and has developed good social skills.
However, I am fortunate that DC is pretty outgoing and confident.

I think you have to do what works best for you in terms of days/hours in nursery. Whatever you do, people will make you feel guilty (not necessarily deliberately).

My eldest was in nursery from 5 months full time and he thrived. Didn’t effect our bond one inch we’re still really close (he’s now 9). He loves nursery and is still best friends with his best friend from
There despite different schools and living in a different town now. We had an amazing key worker who was wonderful I cried when he left her for the pre school room.

During the time he was there I became a single parent and having such a fabulous environment especially during instability at home meant was amazing. The support he and I received. Also him being there full time enabled me to thrive in my career and after his dad walked out I was able to buy us a house and give him the security he needed

Hi

Mine went in at 9 months. Five days a week. Roughly 8.15- 5.45 . Baby loved it. No problems . I felt that mum guilt, sobbing in the car on way to work. And used to sneak back for peaks through the one way windows. But it did get easier over time. I was jealous that they (allegedly) would nap through the day at nursery, but never would for me on a weekend/holidays and other things like that. I was surprised really, as they where hard work as a baby and really clingy. I think at that age it's harder in the parents. They've turned into a respectful, independent teen.

Sorry, should have explained.

Group of parents with kids at nursery that can be contacted by prospective parents, suggestions etc to bring it to director.

My nursery has one, I’m in the group.

It’s been going for years apparently.

Had been useful for nursery to get feedback. Used for suggestions/improvements to activities, communications, events.

Nursery wall has our names, pics and email so people can contact us with questions in addition to, not instead of information from nursery managers.

My DD went to nursery at 8 months and honestly it was the best thing ever. There is an attachment phase at about 9/10 months where babies struggle to settle with others but getting in at 8 months works well. DD thrived at nursery, she went 5 days a week sometimes full and sometimes part days. Even during term time holidays we paid for her to have a few extra sessions as she enjoyed it.

When she transitioned to school at 4, she was so ready for it and the difference between those children who had done nursery and those who hadn’t was startling. (The reception teacher told me this - I know her personally).

OP, try not to feel guilty or sad. You are doing the best for your baby and it will be fine.

From someone who suffered from pnd and ongoing depression, I wouldn't have been able to put my little boy into nursery that young. The guilt would have been unbearable, alongside the guilt of everything else - not being able to breastfeed etc. But I completely understand how you feel. If I had had more support back then I would have considered going back to work earlier for sure. As it stands I'm still a sahm to an 18 month old and I'm completely exhausted, lost all sense of who I am and frequently feel overwhelmed.

Please do what is best for you because ultimately your baby needs a happy mummy, not a guilty exhausted one x

Ugh, this thread has made me feel sick. My 9 month old started this week and I was feeling pretty good about it (though still guilty) until I read about people who worked at nurseries where they just ignored the babies all day 😢 my daughter still isn't crawling, I hope she's not just plonked to the side all day and then they just lie and tell me she's had a nice day 🥺😭

Just to add. You need to be happy with the nursery. I viewed about 5 and the one I chose was a small setting, secure outside space, purpose built and with qualified staff, with a mix of young and older staff. The manager was always available, we got daily written feedback, and report style end of year assessments. And it felt ordered and in control. Any incidents (one child was a biter), which were few, they were dealt with swiftly. They held open evenings for parents to get to know each other. I think I chose well :-) , but I did have some choice.

Upsides - I feel their immune system was better, transition to infant school was trouble free - for a start they knew how to line up, behave, share, be polite, inclusive etc.

Downsides of using a nursery. Only one I think. Once they leave nursery wraparound childcare becomes trickier. Friends who used a child minder carried on with them as they did school drop offs, pickups and holiday care where I'd failed to grasp how tricky this would be to navigate!

Both mine were in at 8 months and 7 months. Was fine

Oh ! 3 months and 8 months look very different OP. You might need to start looking for a nursery or childminder now but in 5 months time your baby will have changed a lot. She will be interested in watching other children and she will be much more interactive. She may well be crawling and moving herself towards things and people she wants to interact with. It will be easier for you to see things she will enjoy about nursery.
I started leaving my son with his dad one day a week while I worked when he was 4 months. I found it hard to be away from him but it was also amazing to have a break from that constant ´mum’ mode where every second you are aware of what you baby is doing and anticipating their needs in the next few minutes. When I left him with a childminder for the first time at 11months I reread some work stuff for the first time and was instantly able to see problems with the writing that I just hadn’t been able to process while my son was in the house with me. You might find that having some childcare in place helps you feel like you are enjoying time you do spend with your daughter more, because of that mental break.

@aliensprig I am sorry to hear this. I had PND and the nursery was actually the one thing which brought me out of it. Like you I felt I wasn't good enough but the couple of hours twice a week meant I had time for me and heal/de-stress/be me again. Little by little (and therapy in the end) it gave me the strength to enjoy DD again instead of just being frustrated and anxious all the time.

@Forestdweller11
I agree, after school care is suddenly an issue. We were lucky finding a childminder who only does wrap-around care, pre-school and primary school, she doesn't take babies. My friend was astonished that I started looking as soon as we put the school application out and I had a short-list for talking to the day I got the confirmation which school DD got. It felt more difficult than choosing a nursery.

I think a childminder would be better, but if childminder is ill you could be stuck without childcare, whereas that is far less likely to happen in a nursery as multiple staff.

No idea what Bagheera22 said but from the responses I can imagine and agree, ignore it.

Most babies thrive in nursery. Mine were at home with me until older because it suited our circumstances, I didn’t have a career that was important to me and was lucky enough that we could manage financially on one salary.

However, because of Covid, we couldn’t see/care for our grandson until he was 10 months. No bond whatsoever, we were effectively strangers. We met up a couple of times outdoors with mum and dad before my first full day of caring for him when, after scrutinising me closely for 10 minutes and presumably finding me acceptable , he was happy as Larry and got on with it. I imagine the presence of other children would only have made it even easier for him.

So sorry you have suffered PND. That’s also not something I had to consider but had it been I would have done what was necessary for the long-term health of my family unit.

Hope it works out well for you, whatever you decide.