Thoughts on baby in nursery at 8 months?

[babyblues21]

Just that really. My baby will be in nursery from this age and I'm struggling with the idea. Any experiences, either positive or negative? Would a childminder be a better option at this age so my baby has more 1:1 care?

Just a suggestion as I know a couple of friends who have done this, have you thought about having a nanny at home? That way your daughter will be in your home environment and it might settle your nerves a little knowing she is in a familiar place. I don't know the costs involved but it could be an option? Wishing you all the best, we all have mum guilt whatever we do. Just know you are doing the best you can x

Our nursery is a really small, family-run one (run by three sisters) which is like a home from home. We went to see another nursery that was much bigger and had excellent inspection reports and facilities, but it didn't feel anywhere near as warm and friendly, so definitely take the time to visit several and see what feels best. It sounds silly but I actually felt a bit emotional when I visited DD's nursery for the first time as almost immediately I knew it was 'the one'. She came with me and I left her for 10 mins with a couple of the key workers while I was shown around, and when I came back she was seated in a circle with the other children helping to turn the pages on a book and totally oblivious that I wasn't there! She absolutely loves it there, and whenever I pick her up, all the kids are having a ball, even the littlest ones!

@IntrovertEm

Personally having worked in baby rooms, no I would not put a baby of 8 months in nursery.

Why not ?

Ignore the troll.

My eldest went to childminder but anytime the childminder was sick or went on holiday I was pretty stuck. My middle went to nursery and with staff rotation sickness/holidays weren't an issue and I found the nursery had much more structure and routine. The childminder was much more like a family setting. They both went in at 6 months and both settled really well very quickly - took me longer to settle!

I don't think you can go wrong with either, it's just finding the balance of what suits you and your child best and finding the right childminder/nursery for you.

I haven't read all the posts but my lg started at 8 months. Absolutely loves it! The staff in her room are amazing, she's been unwell lately and was so excited to get back. She claps when she sees the building and realises where we are.

@amc8583

Just a suggestion as I know a couple of friends who have done this, have you thought about having a nanny at home? That way your daughter will be in your home environment and it might settle your nerves a little knowing she is in a familiar place. I don't know the costs involved but it could be an option? Wishing you all the best, we all have mum guilt whatever we do. Just know you are doing the best you can x

This would be amazing but I just assumed it would be well out of our budget ...

@IntrovertEm

Personally having worked in baby rooms, no I would not put a baby of 8 months in nursery.

How come?

We are a two income family by absolute necessity, so youngest DD was in nursery between 3 and 5 days a week (depending on my shifts) from 7 months old. She loved it. I did feel some guilt, but then you balance that with the fact that you're working to keep a roof over their head, and you know it's worth it.

Lots of families have two working parents - it doesn't reflect on you as a parent. The fact that you care so much does, be gentle with yourself.

I've also worked in nurseries and seen what happens in baby rooms. Staff huff and grumble at hungry, tired or crying babies and complain when they need to pick them up. When parents come to pick their child up they say "They had a lovely day." When the staff members just complained about them all day and only paid attention at feeding times. It's only when they get to 2-3+ that staff seem to enjoy looking after them. Most of the babies I've seen in baby room are miserable all day and crawl around alone playing with each other with no interaction from staff. They occasionally do activities if someone is visiting/they need to take photos/ manager is in the room.

The only reports I ever made about staff were of those in baby rooms. Try a childminder or montessori type nursery until she's a bit older.

OP I hated having to find a nursery, I felt guilty about leaving DD1, didn't want to leave her.

What was clear when I went to the nursery is that the babies and toddlers seemed happy, and the staff seemed to genuinely love working with children.

DDs (going from 8/9 months) loved it. The rooms were geared for them with activities and toys you wouldn't be able to have at home - and freedom to move around a baby / toddler proof environment.

After she left, DD2 used to ask to visit her friends because she enjoyed it so much. If we see the ladies from there now they still stop and chat.

It wasn't always plain sailing - I got proper mum guilt, especially when DD1 went through a phase of crying at drop off (by the time I walked past the window to get to the car she was always having a cuddle and smiling though).

And it meant they settled quickly in school because it wasn't a shock to the system.

They are now in high school / about to go to high school.

Do what is right for you. I think there is so much pressure on mums we always feel guilty (whichever choice we make). As long as they are loved and well cared for, they will be fine.

Mine both went 4 days per week at 9 months old and really enjoyed it. DS's nursery wasn't quite as good by the time DD went, some key people had left, so I took her out and she went to a Montessori nursery instead, which was lovely. As long as you find a good one, your LO will be fine and will have lots of great fun and experiences. It's hard for us though!

I'm going back to work in September, I'll be working 4 days and dc2 (who'll be just 9 months) will be going to nursery. Dc1 is starting school and will use some wrap around provision too.
I feel lucky to have been able to take 9 months leave but, put simply, we need my wages for us all to have a happier life..,and things like food!
Some days are harder than others, especially when mum guilt strikes but I know that it's the best decision for us as a family and that's all that matters.

Be kind to yourself, your little one thinks you're the best and being in nursery won't change that, you just get to look forward to the cuddles at pick up! Hugs to you

I like to remind myself that my daughter has no idea her childminder is paid to look after her. I also like to imagine leaving her in the cave with the older people and other kids whilst we fit and actives go out hunting, gathering and fighting off sabre tooth tigers. I tell myself the expectation of nuclear families is nothing more than social construction . My DD (20 months- been there since 12 months) calls her childminder Nanny having picked it up from the grandchild who's there too. The childminder encourages it and I can see in her eyes she loves my DD. Find the right childcare that you're happy with OP and it will all be fine.

@RaindropsOnRosie I've also worked in baby rooms of nurseries and I can absolutely say that this was NOT the case.

OP, your baby will be fine in nursery, and will be happy and enjoy the company of other little ones too. Visit a few and get a feel for them so you can make sure that you don't send them somewhere grotty like @RaindropsOnRosie works!!

I'm not sure what the other poster said but going by comments I'd assume they're an absolute c**t.
Please don't take to heart what someone has said.

My DS hasn't gone to nursery yet but my DN who is the same age is at full time nursery and has no problems. He adjusted really well. He went at 9 months.

You do what you have to do. With nursery fees it just for us no point in me going back as my wage would be covering the nursery fees so made sense for me to step back a bit as my career I can easily go back into whereas DP doesn't really have a career as such and would find it harder to get back into work.

Your baby will not think you've abandoned her. Truth be told she will be loving all the other kids and the interaction.

As mother's, we do what is best for our children. You're doing what's best for your child. Please remember that.

I know you've had some difficulties from your responses so please don't be hard on yourself. You sound like a great caring mother. There is always someone who will say you shouldn't put them in nurseries because they're dicks! That's what they're there for. It is what they train for x

Your baby will be fine at 8 months.
I went back to work when Ds was 6 weeks, luckily for me it was two days a week. Lots of his friends had gone to nursery at 6 weeks too, and were fine.

I put my dd in at 7 and a half months @babyblues21 I really struggled too but honestly, it has been amazing for her and she has just turned 1 now.

I couldn’t get in to meet any nursery staff because of covid but honestly they are all amazing. We did have a small hiccup just there she was off for 9 days which was 3 weeks she is in 3 days a week just now. First of all she had croup, then a chest infection then we had to isolate for 10 days so when she went back, for the first couple of days there were moans when we were leaving her but no tears, then today when I went to pick her up she was so happy to see me, then realised she was going home and wanted back in to play! 😂

You do what works best for YOU and YOUR FAMILY! Not what others think you should do. You are doing amazing every single day looking after your wee one and its been so hard doing it during a lockdown too, you really are an amazing mummy and yes we feel guilt to start with but I promise once you see them coming on and you having time to be yourself again being back at work it gets easier and I say that as someone who is still suffering from PND.

Ignore the C U Next Tuesday posters that clearly have no idea, your doing great 😊 x

[quote winteroversummer]**@RaindropsOnRosie I've also worked in baby rooms of nurseries and I can absolutely say that this was NOT the case.

OP, your baby will be fine in nursery, and will be happy and enjoy the company of other little ones too. Visit a few and get a feel for them so you can make sure that you don't send them somewhere grotty like @RaindropsOnRosie works!![/quote]
We all have different experiences but I have spent time in over 20 nurseries and even more schools and centres that include EYFS and I have never seen a good baby room.

And I don't work there anymore because of it. And they weren't grotty, they were private nurseries with extortionate fees and excellent reviews.

Honestly op your baby will be fine because it will become normal to them. The staff won’t be strangers, they become a familiar face very quickly.

I went back to work when mine were 3 months (freelance so not much choice) both are absolutely fine and my toddler thrives at nursery.

You will always feel guilt/worry at whatever choices you make but do what’s right for you and your family.

@RaindropsOnRosie what you have said is 100% spot on! I worked in the baby room too and was horrified at how the young babies were treated. I didn’t last long as I was constantly reporting staff members and was eventually fired for ‘not being a team player’. The ones who weren’t mobile were plonked in a chair for most of day and the ones who were too young to socialise would just potter about on their own. Any activities that the young babies did were just for the camera or for visitors, just like you said. OP, use a childminder until your little one is a bit older. When you visit a nursery it might seem impressive and their books might be filled with all the lovely artwork ‘they’ve’ done but it’s all for show in my experience.

@Thatsallivegot that is what I did and my childminder did become a wonderful friend. I was desperately sad to send my eldest at 9 months but had no other option. Childminder provided care and the type of homely environment that was the next best thing to being able to look after him full time myself. Circumstances were different with DCs 2 and 3 and they did not attend childcare, but I would choose a good childminder every time.

DS was in 3-4 days a week from 7 months, and 5 days a week from 9 months.

I had planned to take 11-12 months' maternity leave but had to go back earlier due to changing circumstances. I felt so guilty, and DP and I were both very emotional. DS however was fine!

He's 10 months now. He loves it, his keyworker is lovely and he gets a wider range of toys and experiences than we could offer at home.

DD2 started at 3.5 months. She was only 2 days a week as DH and my mum did the other days.

She absolutely thrived. The nursery adored having such a little baby and she got more cuddles than you can imagine.

Do what works for you. The right nursery will be fine. I picked mine because I loved how affectionate they were with the children, lots of cuddles. Also when DS (DC1) started they put him in the same room as his cousin 6 months older. They were together all through primary, albeit they were in separate classes due to school policy.

@PippaGrace @RaindropsOnRosie
Wow, it's so sad reading that ☹️ I had no idea

5 days isn't too much if that's what works for the family

It doesn't work for the baby. It's too much too young.