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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughts on baby in nursery at 8 months?

304 replies

babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 20:51

Just that really. My baby will be in nursery from this age and I'm struggling with the idea. Any experiences, either positive or negative? Would a childminder be a better option at this age so my baby has more 1:1 care?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
July2mebabywouldJuly2me · 08/07/2021 23:00

I couldn’t get in to meet any nursery staff because of covid but honestly they are all amazing

How do you know if you've never met them?

BrandNewHeretic · 08/07/2021 23:02

@July2mebabywouldJuly2me

5 days isn't too much if that's what works for the family

It doesn't work for the baby. It's too much too young.

Judgemental rubbish.
Anonymous48 · 08/07/2021 23:02

8 months is a long time to have off after having a baby. You shouldn't feel any guilt. I went back to work full time, leaving my daughter with a childminder, when she was 8 weeks old. (I got 6 weeks paid leave and took another 2 weeks unpaid.)

Anonymous48 · 08/07/2021 23:05

@MrsJBaptiste

Remember havimg 9-12 off on mat leave is a new thing and a luxury! A lot of us on here only got 6 months mat leave. My son was 2 weeks late and I had to finish work at 38 weeks so I was back at work when he was 5 months old. Was the norm 15+ years ago...
6 months is a luxury! My daughter was born at 36 weeks so I didn't have any maternity leave before she was born. I got 6 weeks after and went back to work when she was 8 weeks.
Anonymous48 · 08/07/2021 23:07

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Always remember OP that babies going into care at 3 months is pretty standard in the USA, where mat leave is pitiful.
6 weeks actually. Not many people are able to take 3 months.
Ellabellaboo2020 · 08/07/2021 23:07

@July2mebabywouldJuly2me read my post my dd is now 1 been going there since she was 7 and a half months old I have met every single one of them now we don’t do drop off like a McDonald’s drive through window 🤷🏼‍♀️ Some of us have to work to keep paying the mortgage, to make sure our kids have everything they need not all of us have the luxury of being at home with our kids 24/7 who are you to say 5 days is too much? For your child maybe but every child is different. But judge away if it makes you feel better…….

parietal · 08/07/2021 23:15

both mine went to nursery full time from 6 months. My job was pretty full-on including international travel.

they are now happy & thriving teenagers with good memories of their nursery, and we are still friends with some of the other families we met there.

your baby will be fine.

Malbecfan · 08/07/2021 23:21

OP, my DD1 was in nursery for 3 - 4 days per week from almost 6 months old, DD2 from 4.5 months old. They are now in their 20s but maternity leave wasn't as generous then. DD2 is half way through a prestigious university course, DD1 just graduated with a 1st class Masters degree from Cambridge.

Ignore all the tossers who tell you what a terrible thing you are doing. My DDs adored nursery and the nursery did all the craft things that I loathed. We still had loads of time together but they were happy and well cared for when I worked and it was good for my mental health and finances. Win - win!

sunflowerdaisies · 08/07/2021 23:26

Mine went at 9 months and thrived, she loved it, but also still loved her days with us (she was in 3 days a week). When we had our second it was too expensive for both to go to private nursery so we used a childminder for the younger when the older went to pre school and was collected by the childminder. They also loved her and both had a super bond.

Advantage of nursery was no closing for sickness/holidays. Childminder was cheaper as we only had to pay for hours we needed. Both settings seemed nurturing and kind. Both still talk about their childminder years on, they really loved her.

July2mebabywouldJuly2me · 08/07/2021 23:27

Judgemental rubbish

You don't like my opinion, that doesn't make it rubbish or judgemental.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 08/07/2021 23:29

I put my youngest in at 6 months as I had to go back to work. He absolutely loved it and got into a routine very quickly. There were about 8 babies of a similar age and 2, sometimes 3 adults looking after them . It was an amazing nursery and he stayed there until he started school at 4. Absolutely zero regrets and my DS still talks fondly of it at 19 !

ShitPoetryClub · 08/07/2021 23:45

Babyblues21, honestly your baby will be absolutely fine, they adapt very quickly. Please don't worry, after a week or so it will be second nature for you both. I had to stay home with my 3 because I couldn't afford to put them in nursery and I felt guilty because they would have loved it. We each of us have to do what we can and just muddle through. Flowers
There have been some complete arseholes on this thread. Don't let them get to you.

alongwiththesunshine · 09/07/2021 00:10

I haven't got experience of my own children in nursery but I will tell you to change your perspective of things..

Yes no one will love/look after your child like you will! That's obvious but I would view nursery as a social bonus. Your daughter will be VERY sociable. I met a three year old the other day at the park, been in nursery since 5 months, very well spoken, very confident and adjusted. My dd of same age lacks in social skills a lot.
She will learn how to be part of a group and interact. And of course after a few months she will be walking around owning the baby room being a little leader. Then when the 2s and 3s hit. All that energy will be zapped at nursery while she's ruling the roost and playing.

Playing is sooooo important for children! And I guarantee your daughter will get far more play hours in than mine have while being at home all this time!

Don't even second guess it!

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 09/07/2021 00:14

I would personally try for a childminder. If your baby has a more gregarious personality a nursery is fine, but sometimes babies find a nursery too noisy and do better under the consistent care of 1 caregiver.

The man who wrote 'raising boys' said that on average boys in particular are better served not being 'in an institution-like setting' at an early age.

PutBabyInTheCorner · 09/07/2021 00:24

My 3 have been with a childminder full time since they were six months old.
It's been great. They're all clever, well adapted, loving children. I've never felt a moment of guilt about it though.

MargaretFraggle · 09/07/2021 00:24

Hi OP, sorry you have been struggling Flowers

I just wanted to say my niece and nephew were in full time nursery from 6 months. Dsis has a full time job, she could not go part-time. They are now wonderful young adults with zero ill effects from going to nursery! I went back to work at 6 months out of choice because I struggled being on maternity leave. I worked part-time and have never loved going to sit in a nice quiet office more!

Moraxella · 09/07/2021 00:58

@RaindropsOnRosie @PippaGrace
That’s just made me cry at work 😥
My baby went at 9 months, now skips in excitedly at almost 2 and genuinely seems to love it. But I can’t get the thought of them being left and deserted when they were tiny. I used to try admins spy what they were up to when I collected and they were always being hugged at the end of the day.

RainbowMum11 · 09/07/2021 02:07

I would think that both parents have jobs & careers.
It's not that long since maternity leave was 12 weeks.
My DD started with her childminder at 8 months.

sheusesmagazines · 09/07/2021 03:35

It’s 100% fine! My friend sent her baby around the same age. My sister (in the US) sent both her children full time from 4 months. They are lovely preteens now. In fact, full time “daycare” there from 6 weeks is very common.

Don’t listen to anyone tell you it’s not fine. It’s fine! My 2.5 y/o DS goes full time and he loves it so much that he even goes in when me or my partner have weekdays off (we pay for full time too because of changing shifts). When nursery was closed last year his development clearly stalled.

People in these threads like to shame to get a reaction or justify their own choices. I even had a fellow parent shame me at our settling in sessions (someone on 15 free hours for 2 year olds) saying how she “might” get a part time job but “doesn’t understand” how people leave their children younger. Some of us have to work and pay private rents/mortgage! Lots of parents have to work and women need to have careers too. It’s all fine!

Hopeisnotastrategy · 09/07/2021 03:47

@CaptainMyCaptain

My DD was in nursery from 3 months from necessity. She was fine and had good relationships with the staff. She's an adult now and still has find memories.

A good childminder can be great but if they are ill or decide to give it up you can be left in the lurch.

This. My daughter went to nursery full time at four months and it worked extremely well.
Baycitystroller · 09/07/2021 03:50

Mine were in from 6 months and were fine.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 05:25

[quote Moraxella]**@RaindropsOnRosie* @PippaGrace*
That’s just made me cry at work 😥
My baby went at 9 months, now skips in excitedly at almost 2 and genuinely seems to love it. But I can’t get the thought of them being left and deserted when they were tiny. I used to try admins spy what they were up to when I collected and they were always being hugged at the end of the day.[/quote]

I'm awake doing the night feed and this just made me cry too. 😥

I don't think I can send her to nursery based on this.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 05:28

@July2mebabywouldJuly2me

5 days isn't too much if that's what works for the family

It doesn't work for the baby. It's too much too young.

In what way doesn't it "work" for the baby? Can you explain what evidence you have of this, please? Can you send me links to negative outcomes for babies of FT nursery at 8 months?

Can you offer me constructive solutions as to how I can continue to meet my family's financial obligations without my FT income?

Can you say anything (at all) that is more helpful than "it doesn't work for the baby, it's too much".....?

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 05:30

@RaindropsOnRosie @PippaGrace

can you please be more specific about what you observed that made you uncomfortable in the settings you worked in?

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/07/2021 05:37

@Ellabellaboo2020

I put my dd in at 7 and a half months *@babyblues21* I really struggled too but honestly, it has been amazing for her and she has just turned 1 now.

I couldn’t get in to meet any nursery staff because of covid but honestly they are all amazing. We did have a small hiccup just there she was off for 9 days which was 3 weeks she is in 3 days a week just now. First of all she had croup, then a chest infection then we had to isolate for 10 days so when she went back, for the first couple of days there were moans when we were leaving her but no tears, then today when I went to pick her up she was so happy to see me, then realised she was going home and wanted back in to play! 😂

You do what works best for YOU and YOUR FAMILY! Not what others think you should do. You are doing amazing every single day looking after your wee one and its been so hard doing it during a lockdown too, you really are an amazing mummy and yes we feel guilt to start with but I promise once you see them coming on and you having time to be yourself again being back at work it gets easier and I say that as someone who is still suffering from PND.

Ignore the C U Next Tuesday posters that clearly have no idea, your doing great 😊 x

Thank you x

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