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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughts on baby in nursery at 8 months?

304 replies

babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 20:51

Just that really. My baby will be in nursery from this age and I'm struggling with the idea. Any experiences, either positive or negative? Would a childminder be a better option at this age so my baby has more 1:1 care?

OP posts:
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5
Original poster
babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 21:28

@baldafrique

5 days is normal for working mums with careers ffs

I thought so too.
I'd be interested to hear why this poster thinks 5 days is too much. And I did actually say it would vary between 3 and 5 days each week.

OP posts:
Bumbers · 08/07/2021 21:29

My Dutch colleagues all come back at around 3 months and their kids go to nursery. It is seen as totally normal and they are all very happy, good relationships etc. I really wouldn't worry. :-)

MouldyPotato · 08/07/2021 21:30

7-8 months is the norm in my friendship group. I'm an outlier at 1 year but had medical reasons to wait longer before returning to work. I would say it helps if you can get them into nursery for a week or two before you need it if at all possible because it gives you time to adjust a bit.

Maddiemademe · 08/07/2021 21:30

So glad you are seeking help and I am so sorry you have had to endure so much already. I suffered severe PND and as much as I know it won’t feel like it now it does get easier.

The fact you are so concerned already shows what an amazing mother you are. At my nursery the baby room was absolutely lovely and the little ones all thrived. You will both be fine. Please have an unmumsnetty hug from me and know that your LO is lucky to have such a caring mum.

baldafrique · 08/07/2021 21:31

@babyblues21
Some mothers dont really get the concept of working OP, that's all

Original poster
babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 21:35

I have considered the possibility of dropping my hours to 4 days a week, but I'd have to weigh it up financially and also speak to my boss which I obviously can't do until I return from mat leave. I'd lose a fair bit of income but maybe it's a sacrifice I'll need to make for my baby. At least until she starts school then I could go back up to full time maybe.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 21:36

@Maddiemademe

So glad you are seeking help and I am so sorry you have had to endure so much already. I suffered severe PND and as much as I know it won’t feel like it now it does get easier.

The fact you are so concerned already shows what an amazing mother you are. At my nursery the baby room was absolutely lovely and the little ones all thrived. You will both be fine. Please have an unmumsnetty hug from me and know that your LO is lucky to have such a caring mum.

Thank you Thanks

OP posts:
MissSmith80 · 08/07/2021 21:36

OP, my now 2 year old started nursery at 8 months old. Nursery were amazing - he wasn't the youngest there. He is a happy, confident, friendly boy. He will be an only child for us so it is important that he has the opportunity to build friendships with children of a similar age.
He is our world and I think about him so much when I'm at work but I am a better mum for working and he will grow up with a strong, capable, female role model.
We have amazing times together as a family but he loves nursery too - runs in every morning.
His development is amazing too, they do so many varied activities that I couldn't pack in to a day even if I tried.

Keepitonthedownlow · 08/07/2021 21:37

3-5 days a week from 9 months here, no issues.

LadyMcLadyface · 08/07/2021 21:37

OP my son went to nursery about 9 months, I started a new job (FT with a commute) and felt horrendously guilty so I know what it's like but he settled in really well and I think it would've been tougher had he gone later - young children adapt amazingly well. He loved his time at nursery, it was great for his confidence and social skills and we have a wonderful bond. I hope some of these comments have reassured you as it is so hard to get used to the idea of your baby going off to nursery but it's harder für us than for them!

ohnana · 08/07/2021 21:38

My little girl started 3 days a week at 9 months and then she settled and loved it so much she now goes in 4 days. She’d spend every day there if she could as she loves it and all they get up to! She’s now 18 months.

I was nervous at first but she’s thriving! Our nursery as a more home from home kind of setup. Have a look a round and see what works for you. One reason we chose a nursery over childminder was holidays/sickness. Having to take annual leave when they wanted holidays, or risk or days off if childminder unwell or having to isolate etc. We have no family support so not backup.

Nursery has been a real support system for us during pandemic. Would be lost without the lovely team and my little one runs in waving every day so excited to be there!

KRoo22 · 08/07/2021 21:39

My second started nursery at 8 months, last July when he had been round so few people. He is now 20 months, they do so much wonderful (and messy!) stuff with him, he is ahead of his milestones (I get this isn’t important but for reassurance purposes) he is a wonderfully happy little boy who very much loves his mum. I have no regrets!

SinkGirl · 08/07/2021 21:39

Sending hugs OP - please ignore the unpleasant posters.

Remember that in some countries there’s no paid maternity leave at all, or a very small amount, so it’s not at all uncommon for babies to go into childcare as small babies.

Many people don’t understand what it’s like to not have parents or family to take care of their kids for them while they work, or they’re well off enough that they don’t have to work, and just can’t imagine what it’s like to be in this situation. But for many people this is just the way it is.

We had twins and knew we wouldn’t be able to afford nursery as my health was / is crap and I couldn’t manage a decent job any more. So we figured we wouldn’t send them at all. We ended up sending them when they were 2 as they’re both disabled and they qualified for some funded hours because they receive DLA. It was absolutely the best thing for them, and developmentally they were much younger than their age (0-11 months in most areas at that point).

I also had to leave them in nicu when they were babies - one for 2 weeks and one for two months. It was absolutely horrendous having to go home every night without them, but it hasn’t affected their relationship with us even though they were tiny preemie babies.

Your baby knows and loves you - you don’t need to worry Flowers

dontputitinyourmouth · 08/07/2021 21:40

Both my children were in nursery from 9months, both settled really well and thrived there. This may be anecdotal but they both then adapted to school really well and had no issues settling in and no drama leaving me, some children were still crying at drop off for months after starting school, my two ran off.
Please don’t beat yourself up, we all do what we need to do and I am honestly a better parent when I have time at work and able to have a grown up conversation, during lockdown last year I was furloughed and was so irritable being at home all the time and trying to homeschool them both, staying at home jst isn’t for me.

PollyRoe16 · 08/07/2021 21:41

My lo went when he was just under 12 months and absolutely loves it. I think it's a great thing for them to be around other children and take part in activities they wouldn't always do at home.

olidora63 · 08/07/2021 21:46

Your baby will be absolutely fine . My granddaughter started at 13 months and absolutely loves it .💐💐

Mirabelle47 · 08/07/2021 21:47

8 months is a great age. My elder daughter started at 7 months and I realised afterwards that she had actually been bored at home with me. Babies love having other children to watch! All types of childcare have advantages and disadvantages, but I personally felt my children were very safe at nursery as there are lots of different adults around and the whole setting is designed for them. Please stop feeling guilty!

Thatsallivegot · 08/07/2021 21:48

Find a childminder and builder up a relationship. Find one you would pick as a friend

TheDevils · 08/07/2021 21:50

@babyblues21

I have considered the possibility of dropping my hours to 4 days a week, but I'd have to weigh it up financially and also speak to my boss which I obviously can't do until I return from mat leave. I'd lose a fair bit of income but maybe it's a sacrifice I'll need to make for my baby. At least until she starts school then I could go back up to full time maybe.
Something to bear in mind is that it is much easier to work full time when your child is in nursery - they're open all year round, you have flexibility with drop offs/pick ups, they tend to be open long hours.......etc.

When they start school is when you really need the flexibility!! That's my experience anyway.

Do what feels right for you x

Anothermother3 · 08/07/2021 21:53

Mine started at 1. First 2 work nursery really lovely staff was planning on that for number 3 but due to covid went with childminder - I knew her from playgroups and definitely would be picky. I think for little ones if it’s the right person it can be really good. Some childminders only take a few children. Have a look at both and honestly if they are warm and consistent at nursery or CM your lo will be okay. It’s horrible leaving them but after they settle with someone they will be okay. Go with your gut feeling with childcare it’s about warmth and connection with the children over anything else.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 08/07/2021 21:54

Op you'll be ok. I promise.

I had awful guilt and anxiety when I put Dd into nursery 5 days a week at 9 months. Simply couldn't afford any more leave abs had to work ft. I cried the day I left her. By god was I wrong! She adored it. By the time she was 1 she was howling when I came to pick her up!

The house was a tip as we spent all our time with dd at weekend but she's 12 now and it's better, a bit!

DS came along and we did same for him. By 4 it was clear nursery wasn't right for him so we found a childminder but he's now 9 and as independent and happy as can be.

They both made and still make friends very easily and I think that's a positive from nursery. Think positive!

JustMarriedBecca · 08/07/2021 21:58

7 or 8 months here for my second. My eldest was closer to 15 months.
Baby was fine. I struggled massively. I knew I had to go back to work (was two days in nursery, two days with grandparents and a day with me). I honestly felt unbelievable guilt. I felt like it impacted my relationship with him. In all probability, that was probably in my head but I am around more now as a result of lockdown and our relationship is stronger. I regret (a) going back so early and (b) such long hours. It's only because of lockdown I've got that time back.

However, for me I went back because of my career. Not because of the money. Had I needed to work to be put food on the table, I'm sure I wouldn't have felt so guilty or selfish.

accentdusoleil · 08/07/2021 21:59

My eldest went to nursery at 6 months and the second at 9 months . Both enjoyed the time there. Great for socialising and learning from other people.

We don't Have family near us so it was nice for them to mix with other people

The nursery were great . Lots of babies there. That's why they have a baby room

Do what you need to do and can afford

If it doesn't work out you can change

Stillfunny · 08/07/2021 22:00

It is tough enough to be a working mother without being criticised for your childcare choices . Ignore that nasty troll. And that is one remark
compared to all the supportive ones.
I have been involved with childcare in every capacity , as a nanny , teacher , SAHM and childminder.

I stayed at home with mine and you what ? They as adults question why I didn't pursue a career !
Please feel confident in your decisions . I promise you, your baby will not be distraught from being in a nice nursery . And she will even be asleep for some part of the day. One day will not make a difference , 5 days is normal, so you dont have to lose money for that.

Your daughter will always know who you are in her life, will be secure in a routine. As she gets older , she will have a great role model - a woman smart enough to know when she needed help with PND and got the treatment she needed and a mother who wanted to work and provide equally to the family , who chose the best care arrangement she could.
All you mothers are doing a great job in this modern work / life situation. Raising children is so difficult now and really you all deserve so much credit . Flowers

IntrovertEm · 08/07/2021 22:00

Personally having worked in baby rooms, no I would not put a baby of 8 months in nursery.

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