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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why many people don't want to know their baby's gender during pregnancy

806 replies

pearlsandpetals · 08/07/2021 14:53

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all!
I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

OP posts:
Pumpkinbrew · 10/07/2021 07:59

@littleblackcat22 so now I'm supposedly nasty along with apparently calling anyone who does decide to find out the sex inadequate parents and also you are now policing what is apparently "relevant" or not to comments on a thread.

Pumpkinbrew · 10/07/2021 08:03

Oh and also look down on others who do.... okayyy then.

Honestly, get a grip. I'm pregnant yet you've got your knickers in a twist as you've taken what I wrote the completely not even wrong way. You've taken it in some very strange, messed up way.

Think you need better comprehension skills.... also heaven forbid someone comments and mentions previous losses given the fact that is part of the reason why I always chose to not find out. But wait that's apparently not relevant. Go jump on someone else for your imaginary nonsense.

ambereeree · 10/07/2021 08:03

First baby we found out and second left it as a surprise. As for buying things I bought white sheepsuits hats etc for the hospital and bought everything else once baby was here. Pram and carseat were bought couple of weeks before due date.

MondeoFan · 10/07/2021 08:05

I wanted a suprise then second time I wanted another suprise
I like a suprise after all the hard work

LittleBlackCat22 · 10/07/2021 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

joles12 · 10/07/2021 08:07

Tried for 6 years to have a baby - was absolutely delighted when finally we got to 24 weeks - really didn’t care what sex it was - just knew that we would love our much wanted child whatever it was. As other posters have said it is one of the true surprises in life. Lots of lovely newborn stuff in neutral colours.

womaninatightspot · 10/07/2021 08:09

I never knew with my first two. Third and final was twins I did find out with them partly because I was scanned fortnightly. Also when you're having twins anything you can do to prepare helps.

Hardbackwriter · 10/07/2021 08:09

It took us two years and three miscarriages, I also didn't really care what sex it was - so I said yes when the sonographer asked if we wanted to know, because it wasn't a big deal either way. I will never forget holding him for the first time and saying 'he's here, he's here, he's really here' - having my baby safely was the most special moment and surprise I could imagine, I didn't need an extra one.

moofolk · 10/07/2021 08:11

It just seemed weird to me to find out the sex. I had no urge to.

It would be weird to know the baby's sex, and probably name, before birth.

I met all of mine when they were born, and they then became named humans.

moofolk · 10/07/2021 08:12

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints

Cor, antenatal testing has really improved if they can determine gender from a scan.
Hahaha sonographers shouldn't assume. Not very sound of them eh, definitely not ultra sound
Pumpkinbrew · 10/07/2021 08:15

@LittleBlackCat22 aww am I not? Here was me thinking I was Grin Hmm

You certainly have some ongoing issues and considering other posters have clearly stated thoughts that you're accusing me of having said it is somewhat strange you're imagining all sorts with my post.

You have deliberately gone out of your way to nitpick at my post and see something that isn't there. Not good for blood pressure you getting so worked up and outraged over something you have imagined is there Wink

Beline4u · 10/07/2021 09:09

I've known 3 people who found out and who prepared, when baby came along, baby was a different sex.

I think the world has gone a bit nuts in terms of gender reveals, having to be prepared, having everythingsitting perfectly. When all is does is stress you more. What happens if it doesn't go the way you prepared? Even down to planned labour's can change at any given second.
I think, so long as you have your baby's bag sorted and your own. The rest can be sorted after. People stress and strive for perfection and control when there is no need. I never found out what I was having, we ordered moses basket and pram/car seat but didn't pick it up until a few days before birth. The feeling of pushing to find out is a great!!

jobling · 10/07/2021 09:14

I wasn't going to find out about the sex either and delayed doing so and then I questioned why. For me I wanted to know so I could prepare room/clothes/names/mentally etc and it truly helped me bond with her more knowing what sex my baby was going to be, for me it was just frustrating not knowing because although I just wanted a healthy baby, in my heart of hearts I really desired a girl!
At the birth I was more concerned that my new born was in good health than what sex she was so to know that in advance was better for me.
Either way having a baby is the most overwhelming miracle you'll have in your life! Smile

starlight13 · 10/07/2021 09:23

Because it is one of the few things in life that is natural and imo, how it should be.
We have become so untuned with our bodies due to medical interference.
I would never have dreamed of finding out with my children but when I tuned in to my body and thoughts, I knew their gender.
Look at it the other way, eg they tell you you are having a boy and you spend all those months talking and bonding with them as a boy and baby is actually a girl - how do you feel then? What have you inflicted on your child?
Just enjoy your pregnancy and don't bow to the constant pressures of society and make the most of the surprise.
I guess soon they won't offer gender confirmation scans if we are going down this crazy road of non gender specific- how is that all going to play out?

mumda · 10/07/2021 09:31

Brooklyn 99 did one. Hysterical.
They're just another commercial additional to the having a baby process.
They didn't allow it around here 26 years ago over fears of girls not being as welcome perhaps in some communities.
Now you can go to a retail unit on the high street.

Madness in my opinion.

wooda180 · 10/07/2021 09:50

I wanted to find out with my first 2 and had one of each so we didn't want to with the last, unfortunately as soon as the nurse put the ultrasound wand on my stomach he was bum up and legs akimbo so there was no surprises for us the day he was born 😂

Cockermummy88 · 10/07/2021 10:34

I wished I had found out. For my very own personal reasons, which I won't share. Mainly because this is a toxic and judgmental place and I'm sure someone will find a way of telling me I'm wrong rather than offering support. The people who think you shouldn't find out seem to be mainly very harsh and opinionated. These threads only exist to get people riled up and it's completely inappropriate and waste of time. Yet here I am feeling compelled to join inSad. Your baby, your journey! Do what you think is best at the time. Motherhood is complex and people should be more understanding. I wonder if DadsNet would be full of this crap.

Spanielstail · 10/07/2021 10:38

It's the baby's sex OP. Not their gender.

Sale thing. Go and play in pedants corner.

Spanielstail · 10/07/2021 10:38

*same

aSofaNearYou · 10/07/2021 11:31

@bellie710

Not saying you have to agree but I find it odd that people are so obsessed with finding out the sex. We did fertility treatment which took 3 years to have our first child I just cant imagine the sex being that important, each to their own but personally I find the desire to need to know what you are having and not wait odd.
This kind of thinking is just so bizarre, though. It's not about being "obsessed" with the sex it's just about that information being available and not really feeling the appeal of it being a surprise at birth. There are so many comments on this thread and yet nobody seems to have any answer to WHY there's any particular reason to wait, if you're not bothered about surprises.
aSofaNearYou · 10/07/2021 11:50

@starlight13

Because it is one of the few things in life that is natural and imo, how it should be. We have become so untuned with our bodies due to medical interference. I would never have dreamed of finding out with my children but when I tuned in to my body and thoughts, I knew their gender. Look at it the other way, eg they tell you you are having a boy and you spend all those months talking and bonding with them as a boy and baby is actually a girl - how do you feel then? What have you inflicted on your child? Just enjoy your pregnancy and don't bow to the constant pressures of society and make the most of the surprise. I guess soon they won't offer gender confirmation scans if we are going down this crazy road of non gender specific- how is that all going to play out?
Guess I shouldn't have succumbed to the societal pressure to have an emergency C Section and should just have let myself and my DD die like all the people in the past who were more "in tune with their bodies", then!
PopcornAndWine · 10/07/2021 12:45

@aSofaNearYou And also no-one has yet answered my question about why they have an opinion at all about what other people do. Choosing to wait - totally get that; calling people who find out "odd", saying they must be "obsessed with the gender", saying you "don't understand why anyone wouldn't wait".... those attitudes I don't get at all!

Beline4u · 10/07/2021 12:59

@ PopcornAndWine
"why they have an opinion at all about what other people do"

Why not? It creates discussion? And people ask what other peoples few? The only difference (I think) is people can actually become pricks and push their thoughts- which is wrong. I find it interesting hearing views and respecting others opinions.

Noterook · 10/07/2021 13:00

[quote PopcornAndWine]@aSofaNearYou And also no-one has yet answered my question about why they have an opinion at all about what other people do. Choosing to wait - totally get that; calling people who find out "odd", saying they must be "obsessed with the gender", saying you "don't understand why anyone wouldn't wait".... those attitudes I don't get at all! [/quote]
Yeah exactly, we found out it wasn't really an active choice, we just didn't choose to not want to know and the sonographer said at the appointment. Wasn't a huge deal.

PopcornAndWine · 10/07/2021 13:22

@Beline4u

@ PopcornAndWine "why they have an opinion at all about what other people do"

Why not? It creates discussion? And people ask what other peoples few? The only difference (I think) is people can actually become pricks and push their thoughts- which is wrong. I find it interesting hearing views and respecting others opinions.

People explaining their own reasons for waiting is one thing, to basically say those that find out are somehow wrong or attributing twisted motivations to them is quite another. For something that has zero impact on the baby's life or health, I find it very strange.