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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

999 replies

Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 14:45

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

OP posts:
Smallbutnottinykitten · 08/07/2021 15:38

How have you killed a previous child @Henryhoover12?

Clymene · 08/07/2021 15:38

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Why are people dismissing this? I have horrendous dog allergy.

Sitting next to someone in a cinema could affect me, though not badly. However that isn’t the same as sitting next to someone every day.

The dog in the garden is a non issue. School is less clear cut.

Do you think it is realistic ( or indeed enforceable) to forbid any of the kid's classmates to have a dog? Of course it isn't.
GCandproud · 08/07/2021 15:39

They need to move to a detached house without next-door neighbours if this is an issue. Alternatively, their kid has to stay indoors. How can they ever go outside with the child or go to the park?

GreenCrayon · 08/07/2021 15:39

No truly nobody in the neighbourhood has a dog, we live in a cul de sac that is far from anywhere else and all the other houses as owned by my neighbours family whether close or extended.

My goodness it sounds like something out of a horror film!

Clymene · 08/07/2021 15:39

Sounds like you've moved to Royston vasey

parkerpop · 08/07/2021 15:40

@Smallbutnottinykitten

How have you killed a previous child *@Henryhoover12*?
Think it's meant to be precious child 😂
Zilla1 · 08/07/2021 15:40

OP, if any family members have a go, just say you'd love to see a report from the child's allergy consultant to understand the risks. Something informative and helpful would be very welcome.

Good luck.

BichonFrizz · 08/07/2021 15:40

So a cul de sac with only relatives living in it and you? No dogs in the neighbourhood? School somehow magically control the contact of all staff and pupils to something 33% of households have?

This is a lot to take in

Tal45 · 08/07/2021 15:40

Why don't you say to them that you are happy to keep the dog in when their child is in the garden but there needs to be some agreement as to the times of day you can use your own garden and their child stays in. For example their child can be out between 10 and 12 and 3 and 5 and you won't let the dog out, but at any other time your dog may be in your garden.

If you don't want to speak to them then I would put a note through the door out lining these times.

BelleClapper · 08/07/2021 15:41

Wait, all of the neighbours are related?

Where on Earth do you live?

ginghamstarfish · 08/07/2021 15:41

If it is so serious then yes they need to move to a house with no closely neighbouring gardens. Sounds like there may be some exaggeration on their part though, I'm no dog lover and it's hard to be ANYWHERE these days that doesn't have them around.

EL8888 · 08/07/2021 15:41

@Smallbutnottinykitten l was thinking the same. Their reaction is rather hysterical about you “killing her”. I though she was alive?! I appreciate having a child with major allergies but they need to try to keep it in proportion

BelleClapper · 08/07/2021 15:41

@BichonFrizz

So a cul de sac with only relatives living in it and you? No dogs in the neighbourhood? School somehow magically control the contact of all staff and pupils to something 33% of households have?

This is a lot to take in

Yup.
Tal45 · 08/07/2021 15:42

....And I would definitely get this sorted before the summer holidays start or it's going to be a nightmare!

Rosesareyellow · 08/07/2021 15:42

can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog

Yeah right Hmm tell them to jog on.

onlyhereforthecake · 08/07/2021 15:42

Probably they have built the ckass around that criterion

and make the class sign a contract committing not to purchase a dog during primary school?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 08/07/2021 15:43

Don't get into negotiations about times, you've to be able to open your door and let the dog out for a wee when he needs one. Stick to getting a suitable fence in place.

OliviaWainright · 08/07/2021 15:43

@Henryhoover12

They couldn't give their child away though, could they? You didn't have the dog when they asked you not to get one, but still proceeded to do so.

It sounds like the kid has a fairly difficult time of things, and maybe the garden is their one safe space where the parents don't need to worry. It must be hard to lose that safe space.

GCandproud · 08/07/2021 15:43

Having known a child with similar allergies I see this as they spoke to you before you the bought the dog, and you went ahead and bought it anyway. That's a bit selfish. You totally dismissed their worries and fears and did the thing.

Why the fuck should anyone arrange their life according to what their neighbours want? If they need a dog-free zone around their house, they need to move somewhere that doesn't have houses nearby. What if your neighbour told you that they were extremely sensitive children screaming and could you please not get pregnant. Would you think it was selfish to get pregnant anyway in that case?

parkerpop · 08/07/2021 15:43

@onlyhereforthecake

Probably they have built the ckass around that criterion

and make the class sign a contract committing not to purchase a dog during primary school?

And then high school....then uni Hmm
blahblahblah321 · 08/07/2021 15:43

@OliviaWainright

Having known a child with similar allergies I see this as they spoke to you before you the bought the dog, and you went ahead and bought it anyway. That's a bit selfish. You totally dismissed their worries and fears and did the thing.

My neighbours took to putting egg shells on their front garden to protect plants from slugs. My child has severe egg allergy, and was a toddler who could run into their garden easily (no wall or fence between). I explained the situation and they kindly stopped doing it.

That's a bit different to expecting your neighbour to never get a dog whilst they live there!
earthyfire · 08/07/2021 15:44

Your life shouldn't be impacted by your neighbours, you do not live together. Unless you garden is a shared garden then they can't really dictate to you about having a dog. I think you've done everything you can to accommodate them and now they are just being unreasonable. I would ignore them from now on.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 08/07/2021 15:44

Op - what about the fence? What type of fence do you have?

parkerpop · 08/07/2021 15:44

And never to visit a grandparents or aunt & uncles house is they have a dog.....

onlyhereforthecake · 08/07/2021 15:44

AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child?

of course not.

I'd make sure there's a fence, I would not punish the dog. It's very unhealthy and bad for the poor thing to be locked in all day.

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