AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

I'd also be asking what they do to protect their child when they are out and see a dog - they must sometimes have to go shopping/go on holiday/school trips etc etc. And what happens if someone walks past their garden with a dog? Is this child never going to go to a park or the beach?

Exactly. How on earth would that be enforceable?

People are entitled to get a dog (or a cat or a gerbil or a hamster or any other sort of pet they want) without having to get the school’s permission.

To answer some questions:
-the child does not leave the house like ever that’s why the parents spent a lot of money to create her a huge play park in the garden (the inner child in me is very jealous).
-her friends that come to play are few and far and it’s mostly cousins (from across the road) that play with her
-the parents have spoken to us multiple times about how difficult this has been on them so I Can’t imagine them making this much sacrifice for nothing.
-in Terms of school I don’t really know- I know she has a special teacher who doesn’t have a dog but in terms of the other kids I don’t really know

I did watch a documentary once where a child was so allergic to dogs that they did have to be really careful going for walks to cross the road etc, and couldn’t walk in the park. Their life was extremely restricted.

Assuming you believe the severity of the allergies, as it sounds like you do, then YABU. It’s not about rights. Your dog could kill their child, full-stop.

[quote OliviaWainright]@Henryhoover12

They couldn't give their child away though, could they? You didn't have the dog when they asked you not to get one, but still proceeded to do so.

It sounds like the kid has a fairly difficult time of things, and maybe the garden is their one safe space where the parents don't need to worry. It must be hard to lose that safe space.[/quote]
Alternatively they could move to somewhere remote with lots of outdoor space and no neighbours if they really wanted to protect their child. Instead of relying on enforcing unenforceable rules.

I would love to know where this school is that nobody has a dog because one kid is allergic - what a load of bulls**t .

What are they worried about regarding the garden?

Is it that your dog will get into their garden and come into close contact with their child (& hence life-threatening)? If so, ensuring the fence is secure and your dog can't get out should sort that.

Or do they think that something airborne can affect their child? If that's the case, I agree with those saying to speak to their allergy consultant to understand the actual risk and what (if anything) you or they need to do to remove that risk.

I don't think you're selfish to have a dog, but do understand their perspective as if I told a neighbour that something could kill my child and they went ahead and got it anyway, I'd be very upset. It must be so worrying & all consuming at times to have a child with allergies so severe that they could die and it does sound like they end up in hospital on a reasonably regular basis so it must be serious!

Good luck - I hope you can find a compromise that works for you all.

Their child has the allergy, its their problem.
Your garden, your dog, if your dog is out, they gey their kid in. Simple.

If they feel that strongly, they need to buy a detached house with no adjoining gardens.

They're nuts for dictating this to you

Wow. This is just wow.

Ask them for a doctors letter detailing their son”s allergy to dogs.
Give them a timetable of when your dog will be in your garden.
Send them a link to the local estate agents,

@BoxHedge I truly believe their child has severe allergies probably the same as the documentary you watched. I don’t doubt the severity of it. We have been more then compromising to them but we need some back from them. For example not have their kid in the garden all the time so atleast our dog can use the garden

I would not be speaking to the allergy consultant. The onus is on the parents.

I wouldn’t want to be found liable for doing or not doing something accidentally because I’d had a conversation with an allergy consultant.

It’s up to the parents to manage.

Good fencing resolves this.

Dont faff around arranging a time for your dog to go for a wee - one hot day and a big drink of water will put paid to that plan.

the child does not leave the house like ever that’s why the parents spent a lot of money to create her a huge play park in the garden (the inner child in me is very jealous).

But surely her parents leave the house. To go to work, the shops, to get a haircut or to visit the doctors etc. What's their logic in isolating the child to this extent if they are then going out and potentially coming into contact with people who have dogs?

@BoxHedge

I did watch a documentary once where a child was so allergic to dogs that they did have to be really careful going for walks to cross the road etc, and couldn’t walk in the park. Their life was extremely restricted.

Assuming you believe the severity of the allergies, as it sounds like you do, then YABU. It’s not about rights. Your dog could kill their child, full-stop.

It's up to the family with the allergic family to move in that case. It's utterly unreasonable to restrict whether someone living next door to you has a pet. For a lot of people, pets are very important and are like family members. If your child is so allergic that they might die if they come near a dog, you have to organise your life accordingly. It's not for strangers or neighbours to restrict their lives to make yours easier.

@FeatheredHope

Wow. This is just wow.

Yes it's almost unbelievable

I think you need to write them a letter stating that you understand their concerns about their DD and you are willing to go some way towards alleviating their concerns, however you have a right to allow your dog in the garden and will be doing so in the future. If they do not want their child to be on the garden at the same time then the onus is on them to take her indoors.

You don't say what the fence situation is but maybe you can agree to share the cost of putting up a high, solid fence so no hair can blow through.

It all sounds a bit bonkers I must say!

@OliviaWainright

Having known a child with similar allergies I see this as they spoke to you before you the bought the dog, and you went ahead and bought it anyway. That's a bit selfish. You totally dismissed their worries and fears and did the thing.

My neighbours took to putting egg shells on their front garden to protect plants from slugs. My child has severe egg allergy, and was a toddler who could run into their garden easily (no wall or fence between). I explained the situation and they kindly stopped doing it.

@OliviaWainright I think it’s extremely unreasonable to suggest someone doesn’t get a dog to accommodate their neighbour’s kid’s allergy. It’s the neighbour’s kid, it’s up to them to manage their kid’s allergies. They can’t expect other people to change their lives and lifestyles for them. They would need to move to a detached/remote property if they are worried about neighbouring dogs.

Asking a neighbour to not have pets it’s not comparable to asking them (or expecting them?) to not use eggshells in the garden

This is insane. Can you say that before you let the dog out for a wee when he needs it, you'll holler over the fence so the kid can go inside for 5 mins whilst the dog relieves himself? That seems the most sensible way forward to be honest...I wouldn't ask them how the school manages it or what they expect, they'll just take the piss.

Ask to see the epipen! Seriously, I once interviewed a parent for a school place who spent most of the time talking about her child’s extreme allergies to milk, eggs, nuts,cats etc , for which she said the child had been prescribed epi pens. I explained that we had an procedures in place for protecting children with allergies, which would include

A) an quick interview with the Senco to set up an individualised protocol which would then be shared by all staff including class teachers, TAs , support staff, lunch time supervisors and office staff. That could be done the same day.

B) two labelled, up to date epi pens to be held in school. One in class, one in the medical room.

After which we would be happy to enrol the child and start her.

At which point she became very cagey, said she wasn’t sure if the child’s epi pens were up to date, wasn’t sure she could get a doctors appointment to renew, and btw wanted the child to start the next day as she had work booked (!). I said that we could not do that because she had disclosed the severity of the allergy, and we would not be able to follow our procedures without the pens.

I had a phone call later that day, she had decided not to take up the place.........

I know allergies are important, which is why I had helped to develop our procedures, but I could tell she was exaggerating both her child’s condition, and need for an epi pen but why I don’t know.

The issue is I can’t imagine them ever moving because their whole family live in this street and always have (from what we gathered the houses seem to be passed through the generation)

I also agree that a timetable won’t work- if the dog needs to pee the dog needs to pee. But also why is our dog restricted to 5 minutes a day in the garden. When we have family bbqs and he’s trapped inside it’s not fair.

I would literally stop this nonsense right now and just let the dog out.

it’s up to them to make accommodations for their child’s allergies. Not you. Within reason. Don’t be encouraging the dog to go up to the child, but if they want a solid fence, they pay for it. For example.

It might not be enough in this case, but I know several people who have used Petal Cleanse on their dogs very successfully to combat allergens.

Personally my inner cow would get the better of me and I would have already called the school pretending I can a child with allergy to cats and see if they could accommodate them in a call with no cat owners? When they say no, I'd casually say, of you have done the same for the poor little girl with a dog allergy in the village/town etc.

Having a dog is meant to be fun, playing in the garden doing training with a puppy is a joy and something you have to do little and often in the early days.

For those you are saying you are selfish, if they had a child with a severe dairy allergy, would you give up dairy products in your own home in case you hospitalised them?

Your neighbour needs to understand that their needs do not trump yours, as long as you are keeping your dog off their property and potentially, I would cross the road if I saw them walking but that's all I would change in my behaviour.

I am struggling to understand how the school can ensure that no trace of dog enters the building, do they not hire cleaning staff with pets? As a pet owner (dog, cat and horse), I always have some sort of fur/hair on my clothes no matter how hard I try to be hair free!

LOL @ speak to the allergy consultant

Hello , I'm just ringing to check to see if child x really does have a bad allergy or if her parents are bat shit crazy...what do you mean you won't discuss it with me,I'm a MUMSNETTER if you please!!!