AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

They sound bat shit. Another vote to not engage with bat shit as you just can’t win. What is next banning the whole village or county from having a dog?!

I say this as quite an allergic person as well. Yep, peanuts may well kill me!

I don't know why people are so doubtful that someone canhave an anaphylactic shock as a result of a dog allergy.

No one is doubting any allergy can cause anaphylaxis. What some posters are naturally sceptical of is how this child is able to function outside the house or go to school with apparently such a deadly allergy.

You should just move, nothing to be gained from staying apart from all your neighbours on a witch hunt. I couldn’t be chewed with this level of batshittery

That’s nuts

Your neighbours are crazy, YANBU

And I say that as someone who truly hates the neighbours' yappy little dogs.

My cross to bear, not theirs.

I assume that the child wears a hazmat suit outside their own house if they are actually that sensitive?

Completely insane.

They're nuts. Bet the kid's allergic to them too.

Why are people dismissing this? I have horrendous dog allergy.

Sitting next to someone in a cinema could affect me, though not badly. However that isn’t the same as sitting next to someone every day.

The dog in the garden is a non issue. School is less clear cut.

@GreenCrayon

Probably they have built the ckass around that criterion That's not how school admissions work though. You can't only admit children into a school who don't have a dog.

Also it doesn't account for the fact children in the school will all be using communal areas such as the school hall, library and playground. There is absolutely no way this child doesn't come into contact with children at school who have a pet dog.

Honestly if the allergy is that severe they would be home educating their child, there's no way they would risk sending them into school.

Also doesn't take the following years/secondary school etc into account too.

What they want is impossible and unfair to attempt to try and police. They want to literally control the lives of people around them who have nothing to do with them other than simply happening to live in the house next to them. Definitely ignore them! It's up to them and the gp to control their child's allergy not you/anyoen else

Absolutely nonsense... when he goes to school and sits next to someone who has a dog at home what are they going to do then?

We have a dog and despite my dog not being allowed on sofas etc my son would still play with the dog in the morning before school!

@OliviaWainright I really don’t appreciate being called selfish. Surely our decision to have a dog is just the same as their decision to have a child. Buying a dog has always been our dream goal hence why when we brought a house that was the first thing we wanted to do …. Never thought to ask the estate agent if anyone is allergic to dogs!

Yes you guys are correct the only stories we have heard has come from the family and their extended family who also live here. However the hospital stay over Christmas was true because we do know they were in hospital so can’t imagine them making up the rest?

In terms of what they do to protect the child we have always tried to change the subject quickly as it was always hinting that they didn’t want us to buy a dog. We know briefly that there are arrangements at their school to prevent contact

Yeah I'm severely allergic to dogs. Last exposure had severe asthma attack, ambulance dialled etc but eventually under control with Ventolin.

I take antihistamine every day.

No fucking way would I ask my neighbors not to get a dog. That's completely crazy and you are not in the wrong here.

Let them move somewhere without neighbours. Weirdos.

I’d refuse to engage any further with them on this. Let your poor dog out in your own garden. They are being very unreasonable.

Ok, this may sound harsh but the allergy of their child is their responsibility, not yours. And I'm saying this whilst also being very sympathetic towards your neighbours. It must be awful for them, being so anxious over this AND I do feel for the wee girl too. But it is on them to protect their child and not you. You have just as much right to fully enjoy your garden as they do, and if your dog happens to be outside, the parents should order the child inside if they are concerned. Not the other way around. Or erect a protective fence, whatever. You are being more than fair here OP, this really is a new level of madness IMO.

Also - the whole cul de sac if filled with their family members- e.g both sets of grandparents live here. Uncle and just family across the road so really feels like we’re hated by everyone at the minute!

Then why didn't one of their family buy or rent the house that you are in. Family having an adjoining garden and complying with the no dog request would have made more sense, rather than trying to impose their rules on you.

@a8mint it isnt doubtful about the child's potential to have an anaphylactic reaction of course it is a possibility it is the fact that the parents have felt it is appropriate to try and control the behaviour of their neighbours, they can't do that.

Given the update about several family members living in the same close I suspect the op is feeling highly pressured, maybe even bullied given that she said she feels hated by everyone. This is definitely not on.

Unfortunately trying to engage reasonably with people with unreasonable attitudes was never going to work, the fact you didnt refuse to discuss/comply with their request initially is going to make it harder to manage now.

You sound nice, OP. What breed did you get? Without commitment, you could say you're willing to read a report from their allergy consultant that asks a neutral question rather than a leading question stating their patients' neighbour has a dog. The gardens are separated by X high fence. The child uses a playhouse X metres from the boundary. What risks would this represent, what would be the risk factors (dander) and what mitigating factors has the consultant found other patients found helpful in similar circumstances. The consultant might not welcome this but it might be a signal if they are not willing to ask for this or even be helpful to reassure them if the child has proximal dog allergies.

Good luck.

Nobody is dismissing a dog allergy.

We're just saying we don't believe all kids in the school are banned from having dogs to accommodate this.

It's not always a decision about buying a bee dog. I had a dog before my dd started school and the whole family are absolutely attached to her. Would I have had to rehome our family member when my dd started school?

What of the family who bought the house had a dog before they moved in?

If the allergy is that severe that the dd can be ill from being in a garden next door to a dog, that is for the parents to manage, not the dog owners (assuming there is a decent solid fence separating the gardens)

I am NOT a dog person. At all. I don’t like dogs. But
Your neighbours are nutters!!
They can not tell you when your dog is allowed in YOUR garden.
You sound like you are a decent person and they are taking the absolute piss.
Let your dog out into your garden whenever you want to.

Tell them to move to a field in the middle of nowhere.

Absolute nutters.

I would be ignoring anyone implying or directly calling you selfish you can almost garuntee their opinion would be different if they were the ones in this situation.

Nothing you've done is selfish OP. You are not beholden to abide by their rules.

Nobody in the neighbourhood?
Really?

I think the issue is that we are basically the only house in the cul de sac that is not part of this family and for them to all see us killing the previous child in their family they you can imagine the tension that this has caused. I can’t even take my dog out for a walk without having a million dirty looks and I have thick skin but it’s not nice to feel hated.

@Henryhoover12

I think the issue is that we are basically the only house in the cul de sac that is not part of this family and for them to all see us killing the previous child in their family they you can imagine the tension that this has caused. I can’t even take my dog out for a walk without having a million dirty looks and I have thick skin but it’s not nice to feel hated.

Actually bonkers!!! Surely if they don't want you to let the dog in the garden there is even more reason for you to be walking the dog 🤯

No truly nobody in the neighbourhood has a dog, we live in a cul de sac that is far from anywhere else and all the other houses as owned by my neighbours family whether close or extended.

The questions about the school have really intrigued me so I’m thinking when I speak to her to ask “what does the school do to protect your child so we can too”

@OliviaWainright

Having known a child with similar allergies I see this as they spoke to you before you the bought the dog, and you went ahead and bought it anyway. That's a bit selfish. You totally dismissed their worries and fears and did the thing.

My neighbours took to putting egg shells on their front garden to protect plants from slugs. My child has severe egg allergy, and was a toddler who could run into their garden easily (no wall or fence between). I explained the situation and they kindly stopped doing it.

This slightly different situation. Not putting egg shells on plants doesn't have the same impact on someone's lives as not having a much wanted and beloved pet.

Yabu unreasonable to call the op selfish. Neighbours really do not get any say on who other neighbours have in their family be that pet or child.