AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

From speaking to them they do seem like they are overly cautious but then again who wouldn’t be if their child’s life was a risk. She is also their only child so I wonder if that affects it. They very very rarely go out hence why the kid is always in the garden because she’s bored out of her mind. They have splashed out on a massive garden play area for the child (again hence why she is always there)

They sound decidedly over anxious!

Of course you can allow your dog into the garden.
They have no rights on your use of your own space.
You want to be fair to the dog too.

If you want to stay friendly (and pander to their anxiety a bit.) you could give them times your dog will not be outside. Dogs have regular habits.

Just because you’ve heard stories it doesn’t make it true.

My friend told me she weighed ONE POUND when she was born. She wasn’t lying, that was the story she knew. She also says she’s deathly allergic to strawberries. Also not true. She has a crazy mother who made her believe this things.

Just because people tell you something it doesn’t make it true.

I'm usually an advocate for taking severe allergies serious but this cannot be real? His allergy is so severe and airborne that he cannot share the same air as a dog. this would be a massive problem in day to day life.

I don’t think anyone thinks you have been selfish OP! Quite the opposite. I hope it can be resolved amicably and calmly. However severe the allergy, they cannot expect you to never let your dog in the garden or rigidly control it. The onus really is on them to find a solution.

The kid is very allergic to dogs, we have heard stories in the past and it does seem very bad. She spent Christmas and new year in hospital because of this. The school have out very strict things in place for her so I don’t doubt the severity of her allergies.

I'm not doubting their child may well be allergic to dogs but surley they realise that their child has to live in a world where dogs are a common occurance. Whilst it must be awful to have a child with such an allergy they should not be imposing such stringent restrictions on the lives of others.

The child's allergy is unlikely to get better but equally dogs are not going to magically disappear, they need to find a more realistic long term plan.

YABU for agreeing to their ridiculous demands in the first place. Why did you even discuss it with them, it's none of their business whether you get a dog or not, or whether your dog is in you garden or not (unless it's being a barking nuisance)? Time to put your foot down and knock this nonsense on the head.

Ensure if you own the boundary fence it is 6ft high and solid wood (not woven or metal chain link) beyond that it is not your problem

@motogogo

Ensure if you own the boundary fence it is 6ft high and solid wood (not woven or metal chain link) beyond that it is not your problem

Excellent solution. They could do that too instead of expecting others to bow.

If it was a nut allergy would you allow them to vet your shopping bags?
Stop engaging with them. What can they do?
And let your flaming ddog outside!!

I find it hard to understand how they’re going to navigate life with a child that allergic to dogs. Poor them it must be really anxiety inducing.

But you should let your dog out.

Grow some bamboo alongside the fence between your garden and theirs, it will grow nice and tall and they won't be able to tell when the dog is out there. You can not be expected to keep your dog inside all the time. Maybe if they are at all reasonable and you think it is a adjustment you are willing to make you could arrange a schedule - e.g. your dog goes out between 8 -9am, 1-2 and 6-7. Really, though you shouldn't have to restrict your dog's access to the garden, the neighbours should move to a property with no chance of encountering a dog!

I’m sorry but they are crazy! They can not control other peoples lives. What if you had already had the dog before you moved in?

Also I find it very very hard to believe that the girl is in a class without any other pupil or teacher owning a dog!!

I would say there are only 4/5 kids out of 30 in my child’s class that don’t have a dog!

I totally understand having a child with allergies is hard, mine has allergies (ended up in hospital multiple times) but I don’t stop others just because he has allergies.

I would not think twice about letting your dog out in the garden, I wouldn’t engage with them anymore on the matter. As long as your dog isn’t jumping up at the child then there is nothing they can do. They won’t be able to complain to anyone such as the police/council as they would be told it’s their problem not yours.

I find it it very hard to believe that the school can accommodate a child that can’t be in any class with anyone that owns a dog. I mean, what do they do put a questionnaire out to parents asking if they or their relatives own a dog? OP your neighbour is batshit. It’s their responsibility to ensure the child is kept safe from any allergies and you should be able to enjoy your garden without worrying. I wouldn’t have been as understand \ing if she’d approached me with a list of demands.

@Hankunamatata

I really cannot believe that no one in their class has a dog

Probably they have built the ckass around that criterion

They sound incredibly scared and totally dismissive and disrespectful of you and your dog’s needs. I imagine in their minds as a dog is a potential murderer of their child, it is worse than vermin.

I know it’s hard work, but can you present her with a schedule? Your dog has the right to 50% of the time outside and the child 50%. A puppy needs to go out every hour so think about a routine, which works for you. And I’d present it ASAP. School holidays are just around the corner if she isn’t off already.

Could you ask them if it's possible for you to have a phone chat with the allergy nurse at their child's clinic, so that you could see if there is anything else you could put in place, and help you better understand how you can help. That way you seem like you are taking it seriously, and then you can also ask the nurse what exactly is reasonable to expect?

Most dog allergies are to proteins in either their saliva or deal skin cells (dander) actual dog hair isn’t normally the trigger, so if there’s a good fence their child should be relatively safe.

Even if this child is allergic to the fur (the only bit that can affect them over the fence) it’s the parents responsibility to keep them safe.

If there isn’t I would think about getting a 6’ solid fence (maybe they will split the cost with you) but I wouldn’t do any more than that or you’ll just encourage them.

We just feel like we’re to blame as nobody else in the neighbourhood has a dog, but then again if it was that much of a issue they should of purchased a house in the middle of nowhere.

I know we sound like massive doormats but we watched one too many episodes of nightmare neighbours so when we found our neighbours to be so lovely we really didn’t mind following these rules. They were also so kind to us always bring us over cakes etc. It’s just very hard when someone is screaming at you that you are killing their child to not feel like a horrible human

A dog in your garden will not cause a child in their garden to have an attack. If they are that concerned they should be keeping their child in or moving house. They haven't control over others' lives!

If the parents are that anxious they should be seeking advice from their doctor.

yanbu
I'm severely allergic but I'm fine outside unless a dogs licks me or I get covered with dog hair.

Probably they have built the ckass around that criterion
That's not how school admissions work though. You can't only admit children into a school who don't have a dog.

Also it doesn't account for the fact children in the school will all be using communal areas such as the school hall, library and playground. There is absolutely no way this child doesn't come into contact with children at school who have a pet dog.

Honestly if the allergy is that severe they would be home educating their child, there's no way they would risk sending them into school.

Probably they have built the ckass around that criterion

But even if they did, does their chid never leave the classroom? Because what about PE? Lunchtime? Playtime? Most schools merge classes for certain things.

Plus, have the other 29 families in her class all committed to not letting their child pet a dog when out and about?

Sucks their kid has a dog allergy but they cant dictate how you use your private space, really it should be up to them to manage it, not up to you. If the child is as sensitive as they're implying I wonder how they manage it day-to-day because there's so many dogs it must be impossible to anticipate every time they come in to contact with dog hair from someone else or if a dog has brushed up against something or even walking down the street. You cant keep poking people with adrenaline injections or taking endless antihistamines. Maybe they are just so cautious they're forgetting to be reasonable with you?

I mean. How can you police that? What if a family with a child in the class wants a dog? They’re refused and told to remove their child?

Can’t see that working.

What if a child in the class goes to stay with granny who has a jack russell? They’re banned from visiting their grannny?