AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

Probably they have built the ckass around that criterion

That's a ludicrous suggestion!

So the child never goes on public transport, to a restaurant, or any other enclosed space with the general public? Yeah, right.

Is it a shared garden?

Poor kid. Whether because of her allergy or her parents' anxiety.

You're the one who knows them and you don't seem to doubt it, so what do we all know. I think you need to agree a timetable with them, that's fair for everyone.

Mad fuckers! Let them move.

If they are screaming at you it seems their anxiety is out of control. Don't engage with them let your dog do whatever it wants on your property.

I cannot believe that that child really doesn't come in to contact with people who have had dogs near them! I'm severely allergic to them but it is down to me/my mum when younger to manage my life around the situation.

A whole school/neighbourhood with no dogs- really!!

If the child's allergy is that severe, can she not take daily antihistamines?

@TiredButDancing

Probably they have built the ckass around that criterion

But even if they did, does their chid never leave the classroom? Because what about PE? Lunchtime? Playtime? Most schools merge classes for certain things.

Plus, have the other 29 families in her class all committed to not letting their child pet a dog when out and about?

Exactly. And is the teacher banned from owning a dog? Just that one teacher taking the class for their entire time in the school, or is the entire staff banned from having dogs in case they ever have to teach this kid? The other parents have all willingly given up their right to get a pet?

I call BS from the neighbours.

I’m severely allergic to dogs. I wish l wasn’t though.😢

Outdoors is no issue, as long as the child isn’t close. I’ve reacted severely outside, but it’s only when ld interacted with the dog.

Dog hairs on classmates is a possibility. I’ve been known to react quite badly to people with animal hairs on them. But only if I’m close. As long as they aren’t sat together there should be no issue.

I do get severe reactions ( can’t breathe) I understand to some extent the classroom, but not the outside.

Anti histamines don’t have much effect.

YANBU but you it would probably more useful to tell her what your plans are rather than just doing it really.

She can have one big stress and get it over with rather than quietly seething every single time your dog goes outside until she explodes.

The stories about the child being incredibly allergic, such as being in hospital over Christmas: I presume the stories have all come originally from the parents? This hasn’t come from a consultant at the hospital? The severe restrictions placed at school – you’ve been told this by them, or the Head? I just can’t imagine thinking about getting a dog, and then my DC coming home from school and saying, ‘sorry Mum, we can’t get a dog as Billy’s mum said it’s not allowed because of his allergies’. Whenever I used to pick up my child from school, they tended to be at least 3 dogs there with parents, sometimes many more. Does she demand they leave? Or have they all had two already rehome them because of her situation?! I think she doesn’t want a dog next door, for whatever reason. Perhaps her child does have some sort of pet allergy, but I really cannot imagine that is it is so severe that the neighbours’ dog is a real threat.

A whole school with no dogs is just not true.

If her child was that allergic, she wouldn't be able to be in school at all.

Poor kid

@30degreesandmeltinghere

If it was a nut allergy would you allow them to vet your shopping bags? Stop engaging with them. What can they do? And let your flaming ddog outside!!

This.

Do either of the parents work outside the house?
The child was hospitalised at Christmas, where did that exposure come from? Family? Shops? School?

They’re scared for their dc but they’re being very ott!

If you want to solve it amicably, might be worth suggesting you go 50/50 to have a brick/stone wall built. That way, there's little chance of fur or dander being inhaled through the gaps if child and dog happen to be either side.

As said above, there must be children in her class who have dogs. Does the child ever play with other children at the park, sit on a bus, in a cafe, go shopping, near the doctor? I bet they do.

It's very sad and difficult if the child is severely allergic, but at the same time I totally understand your dog was a much wanted pet (I was desperate to cats as soon as we owned a house and I'd have been so upset if I could have them).

Politely reassure her that you have no intention of inviting her over to play with the dog.

There's no way they can control if anyone in the kids class has a dog. Even if they did, why would this be any different than going to the cinema, restaurant etc and being next to someone with a dog. M

They're absolutely batshit crazy

If it were me I would write her a letter saying that come September you will need to start letting your dog use the garden whenever suits you as a family.

Tell her that gives her 6 weeks to make different accommodations, making space in the front garden for her child, arranging established tall plants on the boundary, or if she's in rented accommodation or council property time to establish a move.

If you wouldn't mind, you could suggest popping a doorbell by the fence, or your back door so you can ding it when you are letting the dog out so she can hear it (the noise would be on her side) to bring her child inside promptly if she feels it's life threatening for him.

But make it clear that although you are sympathetic, you need to start using your own garden for your needs to suit yourselves.

Totally bonkers.

Just ignore them and let him out. She can't have THAT bad a reaction if a dog is in a whole other house/garden!

Also - the whole cul de sac if filled with their family members- e.g both sets of grandparents live here. Uncle and just family across the road so really feels like we’re hated by everyone at the minute!

Load of nonsense and I say that as a mother of a severely allergic child. The child must be in contact with the allergen surely? I would like to know under what circumstances she was hospitalised as I can almost guarantee it wasn't from a dog in the next garden.

If this was me, and I could confirm that the allergy is as severe as they are saying, no I wouldn't get a dog assuming you live close to each other. I wouldn't want to be causing someone else to be seriously ill. I would just be too nervous about it.

But if I had a child with an allergy that severe, I would not be living close to near neighbours. I am quite sensitive to noise. We live in a rural area and generally not close to other houses. Because living anywhere else just wouldn't work for me.

I don't know why people are so doubtful that someone canhave an anaphylactic shock as a result of a dog allergy. The parents are understandably worried that their child could die if your dog dog getsi too close!
It is incumbent on the dog owner to fence it in, not your neighbours to fence it out. So i think the suggestion of a solid 6 foot wooden fence is a good one. If the gardens are very small, i suppose allergens could still get to the child. You need to talk to them again i think about a fair compromise

Having known a child with similar allergies I see this as they spoke to you before you the bought the dog, and you went ahead and bought it anyway. That's a bit selfish. You totally dismissed their worries and fears and did the thing.

My neighbours took to putting egg shells on their front garden to protect plants from slugs. My child has severe egg allergy, and was a toddler who could run into their garden easily (no wall or fence between). I explained the situation and they kindly stopped doing it.

@Henryhoover12

Also - the whole cul de sac if filled with their family members- e.g both sets of grandparents live here. Uncle and just family across the road so really feels like we’re hated by everyone at the minute!

Don't let that impact what you do. You are not the problem neighbour no matter how many of her relatives think you are.

Sounds like they just don't like dogs and don't want one next door.