Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

Absolutely killing yourself to afford private fees is ridiculous.
What happens at secondary? Where they will hike an enourmous amount.

Of course you can afford it.

Many kids move schools and survive. Scraping the bottom of the barrel to afford school fees is not necessary.

On what basis is the free place being withdrawn? Id be looking at that first. I work in a private school and we hate seeing kids leave for only financial reasons. We try hard to find solutions like spreading payments over longer or applying for bursaries and scholarships. Explore all the options.

Move her to a state primary.

Free places? Never heard of it.

How did she get a free place to begin with?

You have a certain amount of money available.
You can pay the bills either way, which is good.
So it's either private school
Or
Savings, holidays and treats

I would choose the latter tbh but you need to decide which is more important to you and which will give your child the best childhood and adult outcome. A private school and a home life with the basics but without any non essentials, or a state school and a home life with holidays and outings and simple treats.

There are worse things than normal primary schools, she has had some benefit of private too

I did a mixture of state and private in my primary school years due to parents moving around, changes in financial circumstances etc.
I don’t remember moving schools being that much of a trauma. In the early years kids make friends easily.
So if it means missing out on everything else I would move her. It’s not worth it in the long term. And the earlier the better. I think you need to be certain you will get a free place again to keep her in as one year is ok but do you really want to be living like that long term? If you get her into a nice local school she will make friends local to her and the sooner that happens the better for her.
The one thing I struggled with was not having local friends when I went to high school as I had been moved around so much. It matters more then.
We can afford to put our kids into private school, just, but I would rather they had local friends a community to grow up in and money put aside for future house deposits and university.

Move her esp as you say alternative is fine

But how does a free place work and why was it changed?

Usually means a bursary do you mean that?

She will benefit much more from parents who have savings and who are not having to scrimp unnecessary than she would from staying at a school who would happily remove her funded place with little to no warning.

Send her to a state school. She will be fine and you won't find yourself in this situation several years from now when they decide to remove her funding again.

What do you mean by 'free place' what are the terms for that?

Personally I'd move her to state primary in this situation but I suppose it depends on how tight it actually would be.

So you can afford the fees, but just have to make sacrifices? I think that's what all but the very rich do to send their DC to private school, so YWNBU to go that route at all if you want to keep here there. But if so, I'd commit to paying fees for years to come as it's pretty rare to have a free place, especially at primary-level. You may get bursaries etc but can't bank on it and it's almost never 100% so you've been super lucky so far.

Personally, I'd move her to the state school now. My eldest was shy, sensitive etc. and I considered a small prep right up until the last moment, but he's been absolutely fine in state primary and secondary. Most primaries can do nice and nurturing so I wouldn't dismiss them without trying and the bigger range of potential friendships is a benefit. If I had to go private, then secondary seems a better use of the money, the only alternative to that being if it makes sense to fund prep and then hope that helps get them into a good state grammar/super-selective. But in truth, again with my eldest, who is pretty academic too, I don't find he blossoms in competitive/pushier environments so the more chilled and accepting nature of his state secondary has suited him much better than the more 'high achieving' vibe elsewhere. Only you know your DC and your finances, but just be realistic - don't over-estimate what you can afford or under-estimate how your DC might be able to adjust.

I'm not sure I understand why there should be a free place if you can afford to pay the fees. If you can the decision is entirely yours. If you aren't prepared to pay the money personally when you have it then I don't see why she should have a free or have had a free place.

Do you mean you or her dad taught there?

There is no point having a miserable life to pay school fees.

Some of my daughters friends were in a similar position when under 5 funding ended. I think all have done okay in state schools. Some parents made the decision to make sacrifices in order to keep their child at the school, and sadly this year some are having to leave due to financial difficulties due to covid. It’s a tough one, and only you can know whether it is worth it in the end for your child.

My own feeling is that I would prefer to struggle and stay at the school, but we have very specific circumstances and the school is relatively inexpensive compared to most private schools.

I hope you find a solution.

I'm a single mum with a ds at independent school.

My ds was angry and bored and disengaged by year 5 of his state primary school. The catchment senior school was vast and not great reports, so I took a deep breath and enrolled him.

My sacrifices are an 11 year old car (just about to change), no expensive foreign holidays, and generally being a bit careful on evenings out etc.

The advantage I have is that as a single mum, it's my decision alone. Be absolutely sure that you and your partner have completely bought in to the domestic economies. Both of you have to be committed to it.

I took the view that money I spend now will be peace of mind when he's a happy confident teen, not depressed & angry & hormonal.

Is it a free place because she has special needs? If so, I think this largely depends on whether you feel that another school would be able to meet her needs so well. In this case it may be that long term sacrifice is potentially worthwhile. Some organisations may offer funding assistance.

If it's not for special needs, then I would suggest moving her to a state school. No point in putting continued pressure on yourself.

Sounds like you can afford it, and I think private school is worth it generally but not so much at 6yo.
What's the long term plan for fees when she's got 11 years left of school?

I think private 'matters' so much more for secondary.

IMHO / IME the later in the school career you spend on private school fees, the more impact it has on things like A Level results, university destinations and so on.

You seem to get much more bang for your buck paying for sixth form, or sixth form plus secondary, than you do paying for primary and then going state for secondary.

I'd move to the state primary and save up for secondary / sixth form fees.

Op hundreds of private school parents cut out all luxuries to afford the fees.....
It comes down to what your priorities are,
Is your child thriving better at the independent school?
Will this likely change at the local school?
Is the teaching noticeably better due to small class sizes, lack of disruption, or not?
Are there more sports/music opportunities or specialist interests or not?
Will you be able to happily give up some things without being miserable?

Everyone has different priorities and different state school options some good some bad...

I don't want to say too much about the specific circumstances in case anyone recognises me, but yes as a PP said I'm a teacher at the school. They have always offered free places to staff children but due to financial pressures (mostly from Covid) they are having to suspend free places for now and are hoping to reinstate later. We are in no way taking a bursary away from a deserving child, just to clear that up.

She probably would be fine at state school, but she's already revved up to go into the next school year and it breaks my heart to think of taking that away from her if there's any way I can avoid it.

IMHO / IME the later in the school career you spend on private school fees, the more impact it has on things like A Level results, university destinations and so on.
You seem to get much more bang for your buck paying for sixth form, or sixth form plus secondary, than you do paying for primary and then going state for secondary.
I'd move to the state primary and save up for secondary / sixth form fees.

100% agree!!! Waste of money going to private for primary. Complete waste of money.

@Theemptyvase

I don't want to say too much about the specific circumstances in case anyone recognises me, but yes as a PP said I'm a teacher at the school. They have always offered free places to staff children but due to financial pressures (mostly from Covid) they are having to suspend free places for now and are hoping to reinstate later. We are in no way taking a bursary away from a deserving child, just to clear that up.

She probably would be fine at state school, but she's already revved up to go into the next school year and it breaks my heart to think of taking that away from her if there's any way I can avoid it.

Oh I see

Tough change

It’s a hard one as she’s excited but she’ll make new friends

We moved in primary years and I’d say it’s better earlier