Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

Can’t you ask for a discount? Or expected to pay in full?

If you can’t afford fees for the full duration of private school - pull her now easier to adapt than when she is older when it will be more upsetting ....

Haven't read the whole thread and I have children in well regarded state secondaries. I agree with @astoundedgoat. Find a small nurturing primary school - if that's available in your area. Again, if its an option look at small village schools which won't necessarily have great ofsted ratings but which have the right "feel" for your child. Focus on private for secondary - save like crazy and in the meantime look to move schools yourself to one where you will be able to send your DD.

That's effectively a massive pay cut.

1. Move her to state primary.

1. Look for a new job because sounds like the school is really struggling

It sounds very extreme that they are putting you in this position. If their margins are that tight, might they survive another school year? If they struggle on and then close, you will be minis an income and have an older child to have to re-home at a new school. Best make the jump now, ahead of the curve. State primaries can actually be decent and you will have a chance to save some money in case your school goes tits up and you're left without a job at all. Good luck, OP - it's so hard to know what to do.

Hi Op, we were in a similar place although we paid for the school fees. Covid has really shook our businesses and we were seriously considering pulling them both and putting them in a village school near us which is lovely. But we've just had their school reports and parents evening and have decided to dig deep and stay.

Both are excelling and way above the national average and on track for the grammar we want them to go to

We're comfortably off, I was privately educated and yet I wouldn't dream of sending a 5 year old to a private school....

I'd move her now and use some of the money that you save to invest in other ways of boosting her confidence - extracurricular activities such as drama etc. If she is as shy and lacking in confidence as you say she is, maybe the 2 years that she has already done at the private school haven't actually done that much for her? You can support her emotional development as a parent in the same way that you can support her academic development. You don't need a private school to do that.

@LaurieFairyCake

That's a shocker if they've moved from free to zero without doing 70% /50% discount on fees

Even 30% would be helpful

Way to keep your staff happy

I'm sure they'd be happier having a job in two years, instead of the school closing and them having no job...

In your shoes OP, I’ll actually move her to a brilliant state school now. Children that age will adjust quite easily and she can start making new friends. Also you’ve not said if you’ll have more kids as you’ll want to do the same thing for both of them.
I’ll then start saving for private secondary school. That way, you won’t have that much of a financial burden when the time comes. I feel children gain more from going to a private secondary school especially if they go to a good primary school and have lots of parental input.

and if you can't afford prep fees, you cant afford secondary....

@CoastalWave - that’s a huge sweeping statement! It depends on the alternatives available and the child. Independent primaries have much smaller class sizes fit a start.

What about asking for fees to be paid via a salary sacrifice scheme?

You effectively get the fees paid before tax and NI deductions and the school can give you a discount because they will be paying less in employer's NI.

Personally, I think the younger you move her, the easier it will be. Not drag it out for a year as a painful process.

Also, while she enjoys the school, if you have no additional money would she potentially have to miss out on things such as school trips or birthday parties with friends etc. That might make the school experience less pleasant.

And not to be a doom monger, could this be sustained if you / your partner suddenly lost their job or had to go on long term sick? In that case you would have to pull her out pretty quick!

Kids spend a lot of time at school but also at home, if you as a family cant afford luxuries than she is missing out on days out etc and that's also important.

That being said, I completely understand your want to do what is best for your child.

I’ve never got this obsession with private school for anything other then bragging to friends and family. There is a huge difference between being able to afford something and being able to afford something comfortably, in which the later you can’t do. You know your child but you also know your circumstances better then your child and you simply can’t afford it. I understand you think this is best for your child but you need to teach your child that there is a lot of changes in life that they have to adapt through. Stringing it on for another year will only get her hopes up more and instead upset her by the time she’s older to understand more what’s going on. Send her to state school in September and spend all summer doing family things and paying for clubs (with the extra money you would have by not sending her to school) in which she can make friends and enjoy herself so then she’s ready for school. I second those saying that private education isn’t the best, my bestfriend left our school to go to private school (purely because her dad wanted to brag) he wasn’t bragging when she failed all her GCSEs and was doing far worse then when she was at state school.

As others have said, that’s effectively a pay cut. I don’t know what you teach, but is you moving schools an option- or threatening to? Do other staff members have kids affected? Can you get together? It’s a weird thing to cut because the incremental cost of one child in a class is absolutely minimal - for most costs, adding 1 child to a class of 20 does not increase costs. So it’s not cost cutting unless those previously non fee paying children start paying fees. In effect, if all the teachers affected withdrew their DCs, there would be no point in the school doing it. (Possibly unless they’re super oversubscribed and class numbers are maxed out - which is not the case for most private schools.)

I’d keep her there.

She only loves the school because that's the school she goes to. If you manage the transition sensitively then she'll love her new school just a much.

@Watchingyou2sleezes

We're comfortably off, I was privately educated and yet I wouldn't dream of sending a 5 year old to a private school....

Why? My five year old loves it. Even when we had to home school the online zoom classes for her class was excellent.

I’ve never got this obsession with private school for anything other then bragging to friends and family.

Yes, because parents pay for private purely to brag about it, that's the ONLY possible reason.
Nothing to do with the environment, the facilities, the teaching, of course not.

But of course if you know ONE teen who fails, you know them all.

also...staff will never get free places again.

No bursar will go "hmm, shall we kick out paying kids and give up £xxx income, to give free places to staff kids...?"

Why would ANY business do that?

MN absolutely hates private school

(green eyed monsters much )

@Fluffycloudland77

I’d keep her there.

The point many posters are making is there might not be a there to keep her at in 6 months time though.

@steakandcheeseplease

MN absolutely hates private school

(green eyed monsters much )

and weddings, and parties, and landlords, and holidays... Some posters are just very bitter with their lot!

@PerveenMistry

Many kids move schools and survive. Scraping the bottom of the barrel to afford school fees is not necessary.

I moved schools a few times. It is incredibly traumatic. You have the loss of the first school and fear and adjust of going into the next. It ruins the flow of your learning and sets you back academically and makes it very hard to make and keep friends. I still have not quite forgiven my parents, (though I know in some ways they could not help it with family circumstances), and decades later still think I am suffering issues with what happened to me. My siblings though all different personality-types have also suffered. It is too simplistic to say kids cope. Some kids may glide through it but apart from the inevitable change at age 11 it is best avoided if you can afford it.