Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

Very unfair of the school to disrupt your DD's education in this way. Staff are unlikely to be able to afford full fees on a teacher's salary so going straight to 100% fees is unfair.

I'd move your DD and look to move jobs yourself. There are very good reasons not to stick around at a financially troubled independent school.

Thanks everyone. I understand that you mostly think IABU. My last defence is this: I'm much more concerned about her emotional than her intellectual development at the moment (in my long experience as a teacher both in state and private, it's largely parental support that makes or breaks academic success anyway). But she's painfully shy and sensitive, and I wonder if giving her at least one more year in a school she loves, and preparing her gradually for the change, might be better than just changing her with no warning. Or it might be worse as then she'll be anxious about it. I just don't know which way to turn.

@Poptart4

I can never understand the English obsession with private school. Is it a class thing? Keeping up with the Jones or wanting to be 'seen' a certain way? Or are your state schools totally shit?

Anyway, I don't think sacrificing every little pleasure in life and living on the bread line is worth it. But then, our state schools are perfectly fine where I live.

No. It's because our state schooling system is (not always but generally) not good enough now due to systematic underfunding.

That is awful that they've cut the free places - I would be contacting ACAS. That is the same as losing a huge guaranteed yearly bonus!

They won't reinstate.

Given your update, I'd move her now. She's young enough to settle into a new school quickly. I wouldn't hedge your bets on the free places being reinstated or even the school being around for much longer if financial pressures are such that they have to make such cutbacks.

I work in a private school and we hate seeing kids leave for only financial reasons.

Isn't that the whole point of private school, though - that the majority will be excluded because they can't afford it, however much they might want to come and would benefit, and so will never darken your doors in the first place; allowing you to focus on the small minority who can afford it?

If it was me I would try and keep her there but look for another job in a private school pronto which offers her a place included. Both so she stays in private but also for your job security as it’s worrying they have taken it way completely.

For those who say private school isn’t worth it have you experienced it? Not all are worth it but a lot are and it depends on the child a child who works well and is very bright will most likely do well anywhere, for others the extras really help. My son is in a form of 12 children however lots of things are taught in a group of 4, the attention they get is incredible with the staff:pupil ratio. In our school they have had a 100% pass rate to the local very good grammar school. The facilities they offer and enrichment they can offer are so different to a lot of state schools. Our Ds needs some extra help with things which is all included and he definitely would not be doing as well academically if he was in the state system as he needs the small group and extra attention to keep him focused, he would not manage in a class of 30. We have had to give up things to send him but for us worth every penny.

Does it technically count as a huge guaranteed employment-based yearly bonus, though? Teachers without children of their own won't be entitled to anything, and (presumably), those with multiple children would get the bonus multiple times over?

Maybe keep her there for another term and then try to get a job at a similar private school that does offer free places. Presumably you have to give a term's notice anyway if you resign so can give notice for your DD at the same time. That might give you more time to prepare her for the move.

Having a free school place as a staff perk is quite unusual. Most schools offer a staff discount on the fees. Might the school be able to offer similar?

But she's painfully shy and sensitive, and I wonder if giving her at least one more year in a school she loves, and preparing her gradually for the change, might be better than just changing her with no warning. Or it might be worse as then she'll be anxious about it. I just don't know which way to turn.

I think finding her a new school where she can start in September would give her more than enough time to prepare. Stringing her along at her current school is unlikely to do her any favours. Her friendships will be stronger, she will probably still be just as worried and you'll probably try and convince yourself it's only a few more years until secondary.

As a previous poseer said surely her being settled at a state school at the start of a new academic year is much more preferable than her current school closing with no warning in the middle of one.

It's very rare to get a completely free place - typically teachers pay 1/3 to 1/2 fees long before covid. I knew several private school teachers and their children were state educated. Basically I wouldn't rely on the perk being reinstated instead perhaps you could negotiate on fees?

What are your plans for secondary OP?
If it was to go state I’d do it now, help her get used to larger class sizes etc than it being a huge shock at 11, as a state primary will be smaller than a state secondary

I think you need to start by thinking along the lines of the school not reinstating free places in the future, or them not being to offer much of a discount.

How many children of staff are there and what sort of % is this of the school?

The fewer either are, the more I'd be worried tbh, as they're having to take steps to generate quite small amounts of income to stay afloat.

When benefits are withdrawn, it's usually with a 'hope to restore later' message, but it rarely happens in practice.

Do you really want to be worrying for a year as you scrimp to afford the fees about whether you're going to have to tell your dd next year or the one after that she's changing schools, or are you prepared to make the financial sacrifices for many more years?

If the alternative is 'fine', I would move her now. Honestly, children cope with school changes all the time and if it's going to happen, better sooner than later usually.

I wouldn’t have her in a school that could whip her place away like this. Sorry OP but I think the uncertainty would be too much for me.

Did they do a new contract and end an old one out of interest op?

Or do your contracts naturally end each school year

I would guess the school is in VERY severe financial difficulty and might close any time. Move her now while you can choose because the rest of the class aren’t scrabbling for the few places at state, look for new employment. The agile survive, show her how.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. The thread title is misleading. You can afford the fees but would prefer to spend the money on other things. There are a lot of fee paying parents who make considerable sacrifices to pay for their kids’ education. Those parents at your school pay your salary and have been subsidising your child’s “free” place.

imo, talking about "trauma" and "heartbreak" is a bit self indulgent.

she'll be fine

I think that those posters who have cautioned you to look for alternative posts are right. Things aren’t going to improve any time soon and your job and that of your colleagues may very well be at risk. In which case, the dilemma is academic, because I imagine that funding a place on one salary would be impossible.

If you leave her at the school and the school closes or there are staff redundancies, you will have to move her anyway, as well as finding another job.

’Having a free school place as a staff perk is quite unusual. Most schools offer a staff discount on the fees’

True. It’s not the usual way of doing things. It’s another thing that would make me more concerned about the financial future of the school.

I used to teach in the independent sector @Theemptyvase and I think your school's behaviour is deplorable.

As others have said, legally, how can they change your contract like this?

It's a bit like someone being employed and given a company car allowance of £600 a month then being told, sorry, that's part of your pay cut and you can't have it.

Except this isn't a car it's a child's education.

You need to meet with your Head and discuss it. Unless it's in your contract that the free places are 'as and when they can be afforded' they can't do this.

I really don't think this is the place to debate private V state schools.
Everyone is entitled to do what they feel is best for their child and in your case a very shy child has benefited from the smaller classes where she is.

I think you ought to spend your energy talking to the school - perhaps they can offer some kind of loan to make it easier.

If they won't, I'd feel very awkward in your position, having seen my child forced to leave by what appears to be an uncaring employer.

But if you can - worst case- afford to keep her there for a year, I'd do so.

Private prep schools aren't a fortune and maybe you could supplement you own work with some private tutoring or whatever?

Honestly, if the school are THAT hard up that they need to claw back the fees of what in likelihood is only a handful of kids, then I think you have a bigger problem than paying her fees or not. - as it sounds more likely you’ll be out of a job yourself!

So I’d move her now - you said yourself the state schools is fine, and you can then use the money you are not spending on fees to supplement her education with things like sports and music lessons, tutoring, days out etc as you see fit.

@Florin yes I have experienced it. In my own experience the person paid thinking it would give their children much better chances in getting into a very good university. What actually happened was that the private school was full of rich but not very smart children who were not pushed academically at all. Her children were influenced by this as they did not realise how much their mother was sacrificing for them to go to the school and also did not try hard academically. Her mother was on a low wage and literally sacrificed everything - they could not even go out for meals in fast food restaurants and would constantly ask my mother for money to help her pay for her children’s school. This was while my own mother sent us to state schools.

In the end her children got below the national average for GCSE and A Level and did not go to very good universities at all.

Again I am taking this from a purely academic success standpoint as that is why the mother was paying and if you want something different from private school, ie more one to one support for a shy child then maybe it will be worth every penny.

I went to an expensive Prep school but then to a secondary comp. i was way ahead of the others in my classes and realised I'd such a good grounding in the basics that I could make up for lost ground due to slightly lacklustre secondary teaching and much fewer resources. I got a good work ethic as well.