Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

That's rubbish, how annoying. As PPs have said suggested, I'd be tempted to send her to state primary and start putting money aside for secondary. It may be upsetting for your DD in the short term but you need to look at the bigger picture.
In my mind the advantages of private education are smaller class sizes and more individual attention, whereas the advantages of state is that it is (or should be) a more diverse and inclusive environment. There are good teachers in both sectors.

I don't think they have necessarily changed OP's contract though.

They've changed a staff benefit that affects OP, but her contract will be related to her job.

I think kids go through so many changes throughout school that you should just move her
She will have the exact same experience when she goes from primary to secondary school
Try not to make a big deal of it as it will make her feel like it is

If I were you OP, I would contact your union and consult with them regarding challenging the withdrawal of free school space. It was a benefit in kind that was removed without your agreement and sounds like grounds for a claim for constructive dismissal.

When schools close, particularly mid-year, the pressure on places at the ‘best alternative’ schools is high; both state and private. If you think it’s likely the school may have to close I’d try and get your DD moved ahead of the rush.

I wonder if giving her at least one more year in a school she loves, and preparing her gradually for the change, might be better than just changing her with no warning. Or it might be worse as then she'll be anxious about it. I just don't know which way to turn.

Don't forget that time works very differently when you're little. If you prepare her for it now and she starts a new school in September, that's still a good amount of time. Another year is forever at that age, and the way you put it 'one more year in a school she loves' is so loaded. In your intro, you admitted she found the first year hard, so it's more the school she's got used to, which shows her resilience and she'd get used to the other school too. I know you're focusing on the emotional side, but I'm not sure the emotive approach is helping. If you can possibly step back a bit then I'm sure you really would know what to do - and draw a lot of the angst out of it. Not knowing which way to turn etc makes it sound so much more dreadful than it truly is. My sense is she will be fine whatever and you've even said that in your long experience, parental support is the make or break factor. So have a bit more faith in her and in yourselves and don't let the fantasies and fears overwhelm you.

Can you explain how it's constructive dismissal kgap?

OP's job role hasn't been affected, nor is it dependent on her dd being in the school.

My niece's daughter is painfully shy (though okay with me as she has known me well since babyhood). Her parents were worried about her starting school.
However, she has a lovely teacher, and has made two good friends in Reception class. That is all she needs - she doesn't need to be friends with the whole class or the centre of a social whirl.

I would say make the move now - then get to know other mum's and encourage play dates or meet-ups at the local park.
She will soon find her feet, and will benefit enormously in years to come from either more days out and educational extras/clubs/classes/trips, or more funds available if you save for later school fees or tutoring during the secondary years.

Hmm, slightly more complicated. Unless it was an informal agreement just for your daughter I doubt they can just remove a staff benefit just like that.

Dd was entitled to half fees at the school her dad taught at. Dh asked the direct question (do children of teachers get any fee remission) and HR informed him. If they had attempted to remove that he would have consulted his union as it then formed part of his terms & conditions.

Is it possible negotiate a substantial discount on full fees if you teach there? What is the norm in other independent schools? If you could get half fees then that would be much more manageable?

Do you know OP what the accounts of the school are showing?

In a small prep school there could be anything from 10-20 teachers, some p/t.

Fees could be anything. Near me, they are around £10k-£12 pa for years 3-8.

How many staff have their child at the school?

If the school can't carry the 'loss' of maybe 5 teachers with children there, totalling £60K , then they are in deep trouble.

Are you aware of their finances on a broader scale?

Does the school actually have a fee-paying child lined up to take her place? If not, might there be room to negotiate? A pupil paying something is better than a spare place.

@christinarossetti19

I don't think they have necessarily changed OP's contract though.

They've changed a staff benefit that affects OP, but her contract will be related to her job.

Errr. no. Your contract includes your salary level and benefits.

It's absolutely not worth the sacrifice OP. Your child will not be traumatised by going to a state school. She will be fine. She will benefit more from holidays, extra curricular activities and parents who aren't stressing about the money.

Your ability to pay fees is hanging on a knife edge. It takes one of you to lose your job, have a pay cut, be ill or have a second baby to lose the ability to pay. And that's without the massive hike in fees necessary for secondary school.

I'm aware I'm in the minority on this thread, but would never consider making these sacrifices for a private school. (Mind you, I could have easily afforded private school, and chose not to, so maybe I'm not the person to ask anyway).

Could you pay for the fees for the next year and see what the financial state of the school is then? They might have an idea of when the free place will be available again and as she's ready to go next year it would make sense. You can be very careful with expenses including cutting bills down where possible and still live comfortably. Then prep her for a school move for next year.

Is there anything in your contract (or elsewhere) that states whether this is a contractual or discretionary benefit?

I'd move her now. It sounds like sooner or later she will have to move so why drag it out. I'd also worry about the effect on her if you pay the fees and money is tight. Is that not likely to cause stress at home? If she is a sensitive soul she is likely to be negatively impacted by that.

I mean this kindly Op but you sound incredibly passive here,

If this were me, I'd be beating a door to the head and governors and asking WTF they were thinking of!

It's completely against the interest of any pupil to lose them when they are happy there and flourishing.

But it's also cavalier to end staff perks like this when it's part of your salary in effect.

DON'T STAND FOR IT.

Go and ask questions and be prepared to stand your ground.

And if there is more than you affected, get together as a group and find an employment lawyer.

You seem to be projecting/implying that she would have struggled to fit in to a state school at age 4/5, (as she is so shy/sensitive) but luckily she could get a free place at private school due to your job....i just wonder if theres an element of you overemphasing her shyness. Being shy in itself is totally normal for a 4/5 year old. It doesn't require a private school to fix....
You say you're worried she would be upset at starting a new (normal) school, but is there an element of actually you being the upset one (for personal bias of private good/state bad) - while she will probably be just fine?

Much easier to move a child at 6yrs old than at 8 or 10. State primary won't make much difference in the long run. Save up for secondary if you can.

@LucindaT73

I mean this kindly Op but you sound incredibly passive here,

If this were me, I'd be beating a door to the head and governors and asking WTF they were thinking of!

It's completely against the interest of any pupil to lose them when they are happy there and flourishing.

But it's also cavalier to end staff perks like this when it's part of your salary in effect.

DON'T STAND FOR IT.

Go and ask questions and be prepared to stand your ground.

And if there is more than you affected, get together as a group and find an employment lawyer.

I agree with this. Hugely.

If you have a contract that mentions school places speak to ACAS. They've effectively reduced your salary by what, £8k or so? Which would be even more if you consider that would be an 8k reduction after tax.

For us, the school fees are more important than the luxuries. My Dad pays for one child, we pay for the other and it is TIGHT, but honestly? Given the choice between the independent school vs what... a kitchen extension? Car? It's a no brainer.

That having been said, we had them in a REALLY well-regarded indie for 2 years in primary before we moved city and went state for the rest of primary, and I was a bit anxious about DD1 starting at the indie secondary school and the potential gap between her and her classmates (who had mostly been at private primaries) but she is smashing it. Top 3 in her year, great results in everything, never struggled with maths and her French is better than the kids who did French at primary, so actually I'm super glad we didn't spend the money on keeping them in indie primaries because it kind of seems like it would have achieved precisely nothing, academically. I'd say sport is the only difference I'm noticing - they could all play tennis and hockey reasonably confidently from the 1st day, and mine could not.

So while I would consider private secondary a non-negotiable for us, I actually think that if you send your DD state for the rest of primary and save like a MACHINE between now and then to make sure that SECONDARY is going to be affordable for you, I would choose that route, unless your local primary is really rubbish. Throw a bit of money at tutoring for maths and French in Y6 if you're concerned.

Don't pick private primary over private secondary, unless your local secondary is amazing.

Have they applied this to all staff members. It’s really harsh if they are taking this away from older kids

Of course she's happy where she is now, so if you can afford to keep here there for the next 5 years without making life uncomfortable (and arguably sacrificing other fun stuff like family holidays) then of course consider making the sacrifice and pay the fees.... although if she went to a state secondary after a private primary, that could also be a shock to the system culture /environment wise.

YADNBU. You know your child. Good luck, OP.