Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

I'd move her to a small state primary from the next school year and start saving as much as I could for an independent secondary.

I'd also be more worried about the viability of the current school and my job there.

@steakandcheeseplease I always love the assumption that when people think something so a waste of money it’s because of jealous. I am lucky enough that I could afford private fees. Wouldn’t pay them because I won’t sacrifice my quality of life for something which I believe has a slim to non benefit. People just have different priorities. They are not always jealous.

Move her before the school closes and all the parents are trying to scramble for local state places.

[quote cinammonbuns]@steakandcheeseplease I always love the assumption that when people think something so a waste of money it’s because of jealous. I am lucky enough that I could afford private fees. Wouldn’t pay them because I won’t sacrifice my quality of life for something which I believe has a slim to non benefit. People just have different priorities. They are not always jealous.[/quote]
You are entirely free to do whatever you think it's best.

I do find it very odd to state that money spent on the best environment for your child is a waste.

Move her to a primary school that will offer her stability until the end of Y6. Don't let her spend the next year worrying about an eventual move, just go for it. Once she's out you will be able to tackle the lack of notice given to you of such a change in Ts & Cs and be clear you expect them to release you from your role with similarly short notice so you are in a position to accept a job at a financially more robust school.

I don't necessarily think that a cosseted private school environment is "the best". If I won the lottery I wouldn't spend any of it on private school fees. Perhaps activities and out of school lessons in their interest areas and definitely put some back for uni.

Definitely keep her there! You will manage. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that it's worth it.

Best thing I and my parents (an my child with its children) did was pay school fees from age 4 - 18. Stick at it. Best use of your money. Take a second job if you need to.

We are in no way taking a bursary away from a deserving child, just to clear that up

I disagree. I believe that bursaries should specifically be for children who start life disadvantaged, not for well educated families who can’t afford school fees. Your school chooses to have a policy whereby the children of staff get free places. That money could equally be allocated for places for children from the local sink estate.
You are a teacher, your kid should be fine.
I certainly wouldn’t be making sacrifices to keep your dd there. Private school isn’t worth it.

@OnTheSeaShore

Definitely keep her there! You will manage. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that it's worth it.

Have you read the whole thread. The liklihood of this school actually still being open until this child gets to 11 seems vanishingly small.

OP sorry if it's already been said but is there any way they can offer a discount. I know how important a good school environment can be. I'd feel awful having to move her as well but if you do move her she will be absolutely fine. I'd move her this year and get it over and done with. In saying all that I'm not in the UK so I'm often bewildered and a bit bemused at the obsession with private schooling on Mumsnet . There isn't even a private primary school in the city where I live.

You have my sympathy OP. It’s disgracefully late in the day to be announcing that the free staff/ child places are to withdrawn from September. I also work at a private school and we have had a pay cut forced on us, whilst the fees for parents have gone up. Like many schools we are struggling due to COVID. Morale is very low. Realistically I have to say there is no way the free places will ever be reinstated. Just as I have no faith our salary will ever be re adjusted. Over the last 10 years pay freezes have already eaten away at our earnings. It’s crap. Be realistic about what you can afford to pay and don’t let “mummy panic” drive you into a choice that you can,t afford. You have many years of schooling ahead of you. Secondary school fees are substantially higher than primary. Do you have any other DC? Maybe start making a list of your other options. Are you in catchment for good state primary/ secondary schools? Could you move? Or move job? Try to take the emotion out of it and start to sensibly examine your options. Your daughter will be fine whatever happens, it sounds like she has a wonderful mum so she is luckier than most already! Best of luck, OP.

Going to school and making friends with rich kids when you're not one is a pretty miserable experience

Move your dd and look for a new job. The school is struggling financially and that does not bode well. My dcs school went bust. They did not give any warning to either the staff or the parents, it was literally an email to say they were closing. We had to scrabble to find places at other schools, and the teachers were left without a job.

Despite being shy my dcs settled very quickly at their new school, and it worked out well for us. Dcs are more adaptable than adults.

I don't think turning this into a generic state vs private thread is worthwhile. They always go the same way. I think a pp makes an excellent point about possible breach of contract and also that I'd be formally presenting this with my union rep to the governors with a view to understanding the financial position of the school as a whole.
And for sausage roll no, the point if private schools is not to keep out undesirable kids. (whatever that means) It's to provide the best possible environment for kids to learn, small classes, less stressed teachers jumping through hoops and focusing on the kids in front of them. We'd bloody love it if all schools could be 12 kids to a class and have access to sport every single day but that requires serious long term investment from the gov. We can only provide what we do because of the fees paid. We're not a rich school at all, can't do many bursaries or scholarships but we do do some. We'd love to be needs blind but we just can't. Please don't make sneery assertions about kids not darkening our doors.

@Poptart4

I can never understand the English obsession with private school. Is it a class thing? Keeping up with the Jones or wanting to be 'seen' a certain way? Or are your state schools totally shit?

Anyway, I don't think sacrificing every little pleasure in life and living on the bread line is worth it. But then, our state schools are perfectly fine where I live.

My husband is from Oz and said pretty much same thing to me and luckily made me see sense . Both girls have done really well and enjoyed their state education plus we’ve been on some fab holidays and never had to worry about money! We’ve also moved around during their primary years and they coped brilliantly.

I would move her now. Friendships are so fluid at 6, it's easier now than later.

You are a teacher so academically she won't suffer.

Also she may gain more local friends.

I think you need to have more faith in your daughter.

She found it hard at first but she adapted and she is now making progress. Why do you think she couldn't do the same again? As you say, the other school is perfectly fine.

Surely our daughters grow strong by showing them we believe in them and that they can cope with the challenges life throws at them.

I think for many children shyness is just a phase that you pass through. I look at my super-confident 17 year old and find it difficult to remember at one point he was shy.

Ps despite working in a private school I personally don’t think it is worth the massive financial investment for most students. Unless you are absolutely minted and money is no object consider very carefully. Admittedly we have planned carefully to be in catchment for outstanding state primary and secondary schools. We are saving heavily for our DCs future - university/ further Ed./ flat deposits etc. All things to consider perhaps, OP?

If the school unilaterally removes free/staff discounted places for pupils in their system I'd be looking for work in a more financially secure school. Its either in trouble or does not take its responsibilities to staff/pupils seriously enough. Is the discounted fees package a benefit offered to offset lower salaries?

If you have the money to pay, you also have the money to send her to the state school whilst providing all the extras and cultural capital from an enriched environment without spending every spare penny on fees. However using the word "sacrifice" when simply forgoing material luxuries and extras to pay for some other advantage is frankly inappropriate.

I don't understand how some posters can say it's 'definitely worth it' how can you know without knowing the specific schools?
OP, I have a shy and anxious 5 year old who is also flourishing in his (state) school. We were considering moving areas but might stay put in order to keep him where he is, so I totally get your dilemma.
However, the best time to move them is when they are young and adaptable. If the state school option is good I would go down that route in your shoes. The older they get the more their friendships develop and they become more settled.

Think about the impact of the loss of 'luxury' money on your DC. Will you still be able to afford swimming, activities, toys, days out, holidays? Would you be able to save for that child's future?
Unless I was very wealthy and could still live a comfortable life after school fees, no way would I choose private over a good state school.
My best childhood memories are our family holidays and days out. If I had lost all of them to be in private school my childhood would have been very different and I still succeeded academically anyway.

@onlyhereforthecake did you miss the part were I said that I don’t believe private school is the best environment for my child - or most children really? I think good schools are regardless of fees.

I’d base my decision on free school places never being reinstated. That is a highly unusual perk. More likely, if the school survives, teachers will be given a discount on school fees in the future.

The point raised above about the school closing and so all the parents trying to find a place for their DC in a local state school is also a good one. Assess whether you think that is likely or whether most parents would find and use another private school.
If you value private school for your DC I agree that she would get more value out of private secondary school. I would withdraw her and look at that instead. Give yourself both time to save and the money to give her life experiences

In your case i would consider challenging the removal of your free place as a change of contract- what proportion of reduction of salary are teachers without school places taking? If none then id speak to your union.

There os no way your child will get a free space back- if they backfill her with a paying student then that is a paid place that will always be kept as a paid place.

Id also be looking at whether they are currently advertising any vacancies with this perk. How can they no longer afford to fund your daughter's free space then its not due to covid- we are at the back end of furlough and things are due to go back to BAU. They are using covid as a weak excuse, the financial issue for them would have bitten long ago.

Take her out, far easy when shes young