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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can't afford school fees

388 replies

Theemptyvase · 08/07/2021 11:33

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

OP posts:

Bryonyshcmyony · 08/07/2021 12:03

@Theemptyvase

I don't want to say too much about the specific circumstances in case anyone recognises me, but yes as a PP said I'm a teacher at the school. They have always offered free places to staff children but due to financial pressures (mostly from Covid) they are having to suspend free places for now and are hoping to reinstate later. We are in no way taking a bursary away from a deserving child, just to clear that up.

She probably would be fine at state school, but she's already revved up to go into the next school year and it breaks my heart to think of taking that away from her if there's any way I can avoid it.

Ah. OK thats tricky. Do you get a staff discount

Poptart4 · 08/07/2021 12:05

I can never understand the English obsession with private school. Is it a class thing? Keeping up with the Jones or wanting to be 'seen' a certain way? Or are your state schools totally shit?

Anyway, I don't think sacrificing every little pleasure in life and living on the bread line is worth it. But then, our state schools are perfectly fine where I live.

GreenCrayon · 08/07/2021 12:05

@Theemptyvase

She probably would be fine at state school, but she's already revved up to go into the next school year and it breaks my heart to think of taking that away from her if there's any way I can avoid it.

Honestly I really wouldn't hold your breath on them reinstating free places for the children of staff especially if some keep their children at the school and pay for the privilege, it wouldn't make financial sense to then lose these extra fees.

I would move her. She's much more likely to settle and make friends the earlier you make the change.

Bryonyshcmyony · 08/07/2021 12:06

@Poptart4

I can never understand the English obsession with private school. Is it a class thing? Keeping up with the Jones or wanting to be 'seen' a certain way? Or are your state schools totally shit?

Anyway, I don't think sacrificing every little pleasure in life and living on the bread line is worth it. But then, our state schools are perfectly fine where I live.

Confusing isn't it when not everyone feels the same as you about things.

VikingLady · 08/07/2021 12:07

Will you be able to afford private secondary school when she's old enough? Maybe switch her now and start saving heavily for then - private secondary school is far more impactful.

Alternatively I'd pay it for this year and look into moving jobs to another school that does offer free or subsidised places.

newnortherner111 · 08/07/2021 12:08

If they have offered free places to staff, this is a benefit, which to all intents and purposes is part of your employment conditions. Same as for a salesman or woman having a company car. It is like having a pay cut in all but name.

If you cannot persuade them to change their mind, then send to the other school, better to change now then later on.

I think you ought to look for a job elsewhere if the school is under such financial pressures, for your own job security and income.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 08/07/2021 12:08

In your circs I would move her.
And then look for another job.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/07/2021 12:08

That's a shocker if they've moved from free to zero without doing 70% /50% discount on fees

Even 30% would be helpful

Way to keep your staff happy

osbertthesyrianhamster · 08/07/2021 12:09

I'd move her. Waste of money at primary level (unless you're minted).

Ghosttile · 08/07/2021 12:10

’They have always offered free places to staff children but due to financial pressures (mostly from Covid) they are having to suspend free places for now and are hoping to reinstate later’

So you’ve effectively had a big pay cut as that was equivalent to a very large annual bonus. If they’re going from full fees covered to no subsidy at all that’s very extreme. If things are genuinely that dire then I’d be looking for another job and alternative schooling for your DD. It’s not unknown for schools to close mid year with very little notice.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 08/07/2021 12:10

And your dd will be fine.
I had a friend whose parents paid for private primary "because she was shy"
In hindsight the small classes really didn't help. When she got to year 5 she moved her to state primary where she made a good number of friends to move to the state secondary with.
I'd rethink your strategy.

Essentialironingwater · 08/07/2021 12:11

Of course YANBU to spend your money as you please, but it's horrendous they've gone from 100 to 0...could you try to negotiate a discount?!

EvilPea · 08/07/2021 12:11

There’s so much more to life than education in school.
I’d send her to state, and have educational days out, extra tutoring if needed etc etc.

doyouneedtowean · 08/07/2021 12:11

I think YABU. It’s a waste of money and more than likely she’ll have to move anyway and it’ll be easier doing it sooner rather than later.

onlyhereforthecake · 08/07/2021 12:11

100% agree!!! Waste of money going to private for primary. Complete waste of money.

define "waste". If you can't afford it, you can't, but the lockdown has clearly proven the huge gap between state and private!

Many private schools have amazing sports facilities, let alone opportunities and the teaching is way ahead - because most state school teachers can only deal with what little resources and help they have.

You can't say it's a waste when some state schools have fallen behind so drastically, have not supported the kids in the slightest while the private school pupils had so much support.

Poptart4 · 08/07/2021 12:12

@Bryonyshcmyony hit a nerve have I?

In case you're confused this is a forum where people from all walks of life discuss our opinions on all sorts of topics. If my opinion offended you, feel free to scroll past

3peassuit · 08/07/2021 12:12

If it’s part of your employment contract, can the school do this?

cinammonbuns · 08/07/2021 12:13

If it’s more about her being happy, settled. More 1 to 1 and that is worth all the extra sacrifices then I guess that’s your decision. However I would ask yourself what she is getting out of it.

Challengerice · 08/07/2021 12:14

Odd that not even willing to talk contribution

Given the brutality of the cut ie 100-0
I wouldn’t count on a free place being offered anytime soon.

No way

cinammonbuns · 08/07/2021 12:14

@3peassuit uh yes even if it was in most cases employers can modify employer contacts if it fits business needs which it sounds like it does here.

Challengerice · 08/07/2021 12:15

This is a school hanging on by a thread

If I were you, I’d start research in to positions available at the other schools. For yourself.

stupidstupider · 08/07/2021 12:15

That's a massive pay cut for you - is it in your contract? Surely they'll be paying you more now so you can pay towards your fees with that.

CorishPixie · 08/07/2021 12:15

I saved for my eldest to go to Private School for when she turned 11, but my son went in at Nursery. My daughter would definitely say that she preferred having the treats and holidays and going to Private School when she was 11. Although it might be a difficult move for her, at least if you move her now and save for the next 5 years you can almost guarantee than she can do her GCSE's / A Levels in a Private School.

Maggiesfarm · 08/07/2021 12:16

As your daughter has settled and is doing well now, I would keep her at the school. You may find that it is not as difficult as you anticipate and, presumably, your salaries will go up from time to time.

Please don't think in terms of 'sacrificing' and certainly never use that word to your daughter. This is your choice, not hers. Later on she may appreciate it very much but 'sacrifice' is a heavy word, makes children feel guilty and forever in your debt. Do it with a smile.

I hope she continues to do well and, who knows, when she is ready to go to big school she may win a scholarship or bursary, or get a grammar school place.

Take care of yourselves and good luck.

pommedeterre · 08/07/2021 12:17

Private school for the dc at primary after bad state experiences has been the best money I've ever spent and Id much rather trade in other stuff for it. I wouldn't move her, but I would talk to the school.

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