Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off DH went straight to celebrate with friends after the match?

313 replies

iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:29

Regular poster but name changed for this one...
So DH has always been pretty into football. He's not massively bothered about following the usual league stuff but gets hugely excited for big tournaments. Tonight was a really big deal for him. We have watched a couple of the games of this tournament together so far, and a couple he has watched with a small group of friends who also happen to be neighbours, always at one particular neighbour's house.
I've never been that into it but have always watched the big games and tournaments and always always watched England. He knows this - we've been together for 17 years.
I said after we knew England had made it to the semis that I definitely wanted to watch it. We have two young DC and no babysitters at the moment (DM is our usual babysitter but she has a recently diagnosed spinal issue...whole other thread).
There was lots of umming and ahhing the last week about where he would be watching this one and I made it clear that I wanted to watch it and ideally didn't want to watch it alone! He said he would stay in but seemed a bit reluctant and to be honest I felt like he really didn't want to. I think he was only really doing it to make up for the fact that he went to the cinema this afternoon while I looked after both DC and DM's dog and he just didn't feel he was entitled to go out again today.
Anyway, he stayed in, we watched it together but as soon as the football finished he announced he was going for a 'celebratory beer' at his friend's house and was basically out the door before I knew what had happened. I'm really pissed off and think it was a bit shitty to just leave me to clear up, turn everything off and go to bed on my own while he went out to celebrate with the people he clearly wished he'd been with this whole time! I just feel a bit rejected and uninvolved which is possibly really pathetic.
AIBU to think he should have stayed to have that celebratory drink with me?

OP posts:
SupermanInk · 08/07/2021 08:07

What if she "chooses" to go out on Sunday? That okay?

I think that would be petty being as she describes her husband as being pretty into football, it being a big deal to him and getting hugely excited about tournaments, her, not so much. It’s nice to be around people who are equally excited about stuff you’re into.

I like a certain band, my partner doesn’t mind them, will listen to them but isn’t into them as much as I am. I go and see them with a friend. If my partner decided I had to go with him when they played a bigger venue or more impressive gig, I’d say no. I like going with my friend as she shares my love of them. We reminisce about past concerts, talk about favourite songs etc. It wouldn’t be as much fun with my partner, he wouldn’t be offended.

Sansaplans · 08/07/2021 08:08

@EmmaJR1

I feel like the issue is that OP is the default stay at home care taker. No consideration given to her going out to watch and celebrate. Default position is dh going out.

No problem if that's just because this is his thing - big problem if it's all the time.

Yes the OP decided that was in fact the issue after being told they were being unreasonable.
Strugglingtodomybest · 08/07/2021 08:08

NoProblem123

You sound hard work. Maybe if you were more fun there wouldn’t have been an issue.

Wow, that's quite a bitchy comment!

Beefcurtains79 · 08/07/2021 08:08

Wow, this thread has really bought out the doormats and just all round nasty pieces of work hasn’t it?

“ 1forAll74
It's fine with what he chose to do, don't make an issues out of it.”

NoProblem123
‘You sound hard work. Maybe if you were more fun there wouldn’t have been an issue.’

Jesus wept, threads like this are what give Mumsnet a bad name, it’s horrible to read.

Paq · 08/07/2021 08:09

@thisplaceisweird

Unlike most people on Mumsnet I want my husband to actually enjoy the things he likes and have fun. So I would have been pushing him out to the door to hang out with his friends and enjoy it to the fullest. You must know that he doesn't have as much fun watching with you than with people who are "properly into football".

Wives, you must always prioritise your husband's amusement and entertainment above yours. Always. I think it's in the small print.

ohthatbloodycat · 08/07/2021 08:10

YABU.

Sansaplans · 08/07/2021 08:10

Wow, this thread has really bought out the doormats

And that's not nasty? Personally I treat DH how he treats me, if I wanted to go out for the afternoon and then once the children were in bed, presumably asleep head out to see a neighbour he wouldn't mind, and vice versa. Personally I find it cringey to guilt someone into staying in and watching something with me if they don't really want to, the compromise would be they go out after.

SmokeyDevil · 08/07/2021 08:11

Wives, you must always prioritise your husband's amusement and entertainment above yours. Always. I think it's in the small print.

Yup. Clearly what these posters think. God what doormats they are to their husbands. Hmm

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 08/07/2021 08:13

Doormat? Grin to allow your partner a bit of space, a bit of fun without you every now and then?

It obviously goes both ways

I don’t think that partners occasionally spending an evening with friends equals anyone being a doormat Grin

Some people have a very claustrophobic view of marriage!

floatingboater · 08/07/2021 08:14

For what it's worth OP, I would've been pissed off too. He'd already had the afternoon out, and since you enjoy watching the footie too it seems really mean of him to leave you at home with the dc so he could go out again!

What would happen if on final day you announce that he's responsible for the parenting as you're off to the pub to watch the football with your mates?! Ructions I imagine.

pinkteapots · 08/07/2021 08:14

Lord let the man watch the footie with his neighbours and have a beer. Its just normal chill time anyone deserves. Next weekend he can mind the kiddos you go for coffee / cinema / treat. He sounds pretty normal to me, but tbh you sound a bit clingy.

SmokeyDevil · 08/07/2021 08:16

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan

Doormat? Grin to allow your partner a bit of space, a bit of fun without you every now and then?

It obviously goes both ways

I don’t think that partners occasionally spending an evening with friends equals anyone being a doormat Grin

Some people have a very claustrophobic view of marriage!

You'd be fine being left alone all day and night with the kids, him coming home drunk and the hung over if he had been out with friends, so it turns into two days of you being alone with the kids, yeah? You'd be alright with that, no issues at all?
skippy67 · 08/07/2021 08:17

Football's not your thing. So why are you so bothered? First final in 55 years, chill out. And your doormat comment is unnecessary.

oblada · 08/07/2021 08:19

This thread isn't giving a good name to football fans really. 'man must watch football and drink beer with other men whilst the wife stays home to clean up and looks after the kids' - pretty sad to honest! Neither of them are properly into football they just like the big games and it is sad that the husband couldnt just enjoy it with his wife. Id be pissed off too OP. At the very least he should have discussed his intention properly - it's not like the op can leave too, leaving the kids alone.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/07/2021 08:20

OP why don’t you host on Sunday night, invite everyone round to yours ... problem solved

SupermanInk · 08/07/2021 08:21

You'd be fine being left alone all day and night with the kids, him coming home drunk and the hung over if he had been out with friends, so it turns into two days of you being alone with the kids, yeah? You'd be alright with that, no issues at all?

Well yes. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But then my relationship is stable and equal. I suppose if there’s other issues in the background, this could be another thing. If there are other issues, they need sorting out as both people need to be happy.
But in a happy relationship where both people share the load, this wouldn’t be an issue.

skippy67 · 08/07/2021 08:21

Says in the OP that the husband has always been into football...

lifehappened · 08/07/2021 08:24

@OppsUpsSide don't worry, that's not normal. Would never happen here. I think if he sacrificed going to watch with mates he had every right to go to them afterwards. It was a fricking great game and lots to celebrate . You sound a bit boring OP so mates sounds more fun. Sorry

honeylulu · 08/07/2021 08:25

I've mixed feelings about this one.

On one hand football is clearly one of his "things" that he follows and enjoys with a group of mates and he was itching to do so.

On the other hand I hate the notion that a lot of men are happy to share the drudgery and bill paying of their lives with their partner but as soon as there's any fun or frivolity to be had they are off like a shot to share it with others. I have felt like that in the past especially when our children were young and harder work. My husband often went out Sunday afternoon drinking with a friend and the hurtful thing wasn't that he did so but that he clearly seemed to live for it and be desperate for it to come round each week. But when I suggested we get a babysitter and go out on a Friday or Saturday night to enjoy each others company in a more fun way he'd say he was too tired or that it was a waste of money as "we see each other all the time at home anyway". Angry Things are much better now. Strangely enough they much improved after I made some mum friends and started going out regularly myself. Then it was his turn to do the sad face!

EveryoneIsThere · 08/07/2021 08:26

So what are you doing on Sunday?

Dinosaurballoon · 08/07/2021 08:28

Pandasarecool
“I really don’t understand the problem but I’d shove my dh out the door for a quiet evening alone.”

Honestly same here

Twylar · 08/07/2021 08:31

Seems q fair compromise

mynameisbrian · 08/07/2021 08:32

i would have far preferred to have watched the match with a large group of mates. Instead I was sat with my DH who went straight to bed. Not his fault as he isnt well. However I am going to ensure there is a group of us on Sunday night.

You dont like football, yet decided that you wanted to watch this match with your DH. Then he went out to have a drink with his mates. Dont see an issue, I have no doubt you were really enjoying the game and oozed excitement.

SmokeyDevil · 08/07/2021 08:33

@SupermanInk

You'd be fine being left alone all day and night with the kids, him coming home drunk and the hung over if he had been out with friends, so it turns into two days of you being alone with the kids, yeah? You'd be alright with that, no issues at all?

Well yes. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But then my relationship is stable and equal. I suppose if there’s other issues in the background, this could be another thing. If there are other issues, they need sorting out as both people need to be happy.
But in a happy relationship where both people share the load, this wouldn’t be an issue.

That's not sharing though is it? That's him abandoning you with all the work. I'm surprised you can't see that really. I'd be fine with him going out to watch the football, but not after he'd already left me all day with the kids, knowing I'd have a second day in a row by myself looking after them. I'd expect him to do the majority of the work before the football, so that I do the majority the next day while he's getting over a hangover. Not him have a jolly for two days and me do everything. That's sharing, not your idea.
imscaredpleasehelp · 08/07/2021 08:37

Don't listen to them, I know how you feel. Its shit when you feel like you aren't wanted amd you have to argue for time together. Going to bed alone is shit. Why can't he celebrate with a little drink with you? I hate it when people do t get that you live your husband, want to spend time with him and feel rejected when that isn't reciprocated.