Was neighbour or myself BU?

[NeighbourWoes]

We live in a building of flats which have communal gardens front and back. The back is much bigger and more for recreational use and the front is more of a flower bed type garden but still a decent size. To get to the back garden we have to walk around a street and use a key so it's not very convenient. Myself, DH and DS (2) live on the third floor and since lockdown we got into the habit of watering the flowers in the front garden. This was initiated by the communal gardener who got DS a watering can etc.

We do it probably 4 or 5 times a week, for 10 minutes a time. DS likes to fill up the watering can from the hose pipe and it's a sedate activity where we enjoy looking at the flowers but by no means make much noise or anything like that.

The hosepipe is directly by one of the ground floor flats windows. This ground floor flat doesn't have direct access to the communal garden but their window from the kitchen/ living room looks out directly onto it. This flat is occupied by a single older lady in her late 70s and we have always had a bit of a chat and been very friendly and she chats about DS etc.

This morning DS and I were in the garden for approximately 10 minutes just after 8am. We thought no more of it. This evening as we were coming in the neighbour came out of her flat very angry and exasperated and said that this morning was ridiculous because she was trying to have her breakfast and look out of her window and we were "right there". (I did notice this morning that she shut her curtains as we came into the garden.) She asked us to stop playing in that part of the garden but from the off was quite aggressive. I said I didn't ever realise this was an issue at all and she barked "I'm telling you right now it is!" She said it was ridiculous that we were so close to her window.

The issue is that's where the hosepipe is for filling up the watering can plus all the plant pots. Previously she has always come out and thanked DS for watering her pots saying it saved her a job so I have no idea where this came from.

I said to her that I was sorry she was upset but it's a communal space and she was very agitated. DH then arrived home and asked what the problem was and she was shrieking a bit and he told her "it won't happen again", but I'm annoyed as it's not her right to tell her we can't use that part of the garden.

I walked away and got quite emotional because all during lockdown I've struggled living in a third floor flat with no private garden and this is one thing DS looks forward to each day and asks to do, and this previously friendly neighbour suddenly became hostile and has spoilt that for him.

Who is being unreasonable?

I can never understand people like this, presumably because it's a bit of a pain to get to this bit of garden, she doesn't see many people there and views it as "hers". Communal living is all about give and take though, I wonder if she'd mind it less if it was after 9am perhaps? Anyway, YANBU.

She definitely does see it as "hers". She sometimes has her windows fully open and she will sit by them reading or whatever and humph a bit if someone is in the garden.

She is being unreasonable , and I’m sorry but your husband was an idiot to say it won’t happen again . It’s a communal garden so you can use any part of it whenever you like provided you are not out there making an antisocial racket at stupid o’clock . I would send your husband downstairs to tell her that on reflection and after chatting to you that you will be continuing to water as you have been .

I think YABU. I used to live in a flat with communal gardens and there is no way I would have pottered around right in front of the ground floor occupants windows… even though I was technically allowed. Never did so once and certainly wouldn’t have thought this was reasonable five times a week at 8am.

Do you think she could have something going on? Start of dementia maybe?
Just a thought as you say she’s previously been very friendly and talked to your ds about watering the garden.

Just carry on but a tad later than 8.00 am. There must be gardeners going in to take care of the space surely?

Her age is irrelevant - it's communal space.

Just to clarify today was the only morning we have ever done it we usually do it on an afternoon.

Your ds is entitled to be there...
As are you..
She can keep her curtains shut of she doesn't want to see either of you..
Miserable bag..
Her not you op!!

@PinkiOcelot I don't know about any potential medical issues, we usually just exchange a bit of small talk and general chit chat.

I'd carry on doing it but not so early in future. Forget what your DH said to her. If she comes out again just repeat that you're allowed to be there.

8am is a bit early to be pottering around outside someone's window regardless of the rights and wrongs of access.

Of course you can use the garden anytime you like. But also, maybe be considerate about the fact that when you're using the hosepipe, you're right at her window. At 8am, she may have been in pyjamas for whatever.

As others have said, a communal garden requires give and take and understanding. You've said she has thanked your son in the past so she's been quite sweet to him and encouraged his little task. In return, you could not be right at her window early in the morning? Continue using the garden at that time; you absolutely can be out enjoying the morning sun. But just think about being in your kitchen in your pyjamas at 8am getting breakfast and people are standing literally right at your window. It is annoying.

And seriously, why are you saying myself?! It is not myself. It is me or I. It is almost never myself.

Cross posted with your comment about usually doing it in the afternoon.
There you go. Maybe she was so angry because it was 8am and she should be allowed to expect privacy early in the morning.

@Fiddliestofsticks English isn't my first language sorry

I’m sorry I think you are being a bit unreasonable, just after 8am is a bit early to be outside someone’s window communal or not, I think you could be a bit more considerate.

If it was later in the day I would agree that your neighbour is unreasonable and she shouldn’t have shouted at you either way.

Perhaps she flared up because it was so early and she was in her jim jams so felt she had to hide away. I'd carry on doing the watering but give it a miss until mid morning.

Yabu.
8 AM is very early and intrusive outside someone else’s window. There is a social contract that you do not loiter outside someone’s window.

@NeighbourWoes

Just to clarify today was the only morning we have ever done it we usually do it on an afternoon.

There’s your answer. It was too early. Just stick to the afternoon.

I agree with others. I think the issue is that you were there so early in the morning. She never had a problem at other times, so just leave it until after nine from now on.

@Yesyoucantell

8am is a bit early to be pottering around outside someone's window regardless of the rights and wrongs of access.

I’d agree with this. The afternoon seems a lot less intrusive. At 8am I might still be in my PJs and feel a bit vulnerable if someone was right by my window. I’d feel more comfortable in the afternoon

Where we are yes she can see us from the window but we aren't standing close by staring in!

Just compromise and stick to the afternoon. Don’t stop using it if that’s what you want to do

YABU for doing it so early, even if it was only once. I wouldn't want anyone outside my kitchen window while I'm having breakfast. So maybe that's what triggered her.

Sorry I think YABU for doing it at that time of the morning. I would be annoyed aswell