Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was neighbour or myself BU?

333 replies

NeighbourWoes · 07/07/2021 19:50

We live in a building of flats which have communal gardens front and back. The back is much bigger and more for recreational use and the front is more of a flower bed type garden but still a decent size. To get to the back garden we have to walk around a street and use a key so it's not very convenient. Myself, DH and DS (2) live on the third floor and since lockdown we got into the habit of watering the flowers in the front garden. This was initiated by the communal gardener who got DS a watering can etc.

We do it probably 4 or 5 times a week, for 10 minutes a time. DS likes to fill up the watering can from the hose pipe and it's a sedate activity where we enjoy looking at the flowers but by no means make much noise or anything like that.

The hosepipe is directly by one of the ground floor flats windows. This ground floor flat doesn't have direct access to the communal garden but their window from the kitchen/ living room looks out directly onto it. This flat is occupied by a single older lady in her late 70s and we have always had a bit of a chat and been very friendly and she chats about DS etc.

This morning DS and I were in the garden for approximately 10 minutes just after 8am. We thought no more of it. This evening as we were coming in the neighbour came out of her flat very angry and exasperated and said that this morning was ridiculous because she was trying to have her breakfast and look out of her window and we were "right there". (I did notice this morning that she shut her curtains as we came into the garden.) She asked us to stop playing in that part of the garden but from the off was quite aggressive. I said I didn't ever realise this was an issue at all and she barked "I'm telling you right now it is!" She said it was ridiculous that we were so close to her window.

The issue is that's where the hosepipe is for filling up the watering can plus all the plant pots. Previously she has always come out and thanked DS for watering her pots saying it saved her a job so I have no idea where this came from.

I said to her that I was sorry she was upset but it's a communal space and she was very agitated. DH then arrived home and asked what the problem was and she was shrieking a bit and he told her "it won't happen again", but I'm annoyed as it's not her right to tell her we can't use that part of the garden.

I walked away and got quite emotional because all during lockdown I've struggled living in a third floor flat with no private garden and this is one thing DS looks forward to each day and asks to do, and this previously friendly neighbour suddenly became hostile and has spoilt that for him.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
IamnotSethRogan · 07/07/2021 20:22

I would say 8 am is a bit early to be outside someone's window. I'm in a house with a garden (so not just outside someone's window) and wouldn't take my kids out that early for fear of disturbing my Adjoining neighbours.

Clymene · 07/07/2021 20:22

You are right outside her window. 8am is too early. Just be a bit more considerate of her needs as well as yours. Communal living is about give and take.

MyAnacondaMight · 07/07/2021 20:23

YABU to use the garden in front of her window as a playground at 8am. It’s not like the flowers need watering (recent rainfall plus actual gardener), so you’re not maintaining the garden - you’re simply entertaining your child next to her window.

You probably wouldn’t be happy if she came and banged around outside your front door at 10pm (also a communal area), so give her the same consideration, walk a few more steps, and use the back garden.

MadeOfStarStuff · 07/07/2021 20:23

YANBU at all! Communal gardens are shared use. She gets to benefit from looking out on the nice garden but she has to put up with other residents using it as well. If she wants privacy she can get blinds or net curtains.

User5827372728 · 07/07/2021 20:24

I would carry on but afternoons or Late mornings after 10am.

I wouldn’t want anyone outside my window at 8am, not even my own children!

Saidtoomuch · 07/07/2021 20:25

YABU to apologise to @Fiddliestofsticks when she corrected your grammar. She was being very rude. If English is not your first language then your grammar is excellent.
Carry on watering the communal garden with your little one, just do it a little later if you want to keep the peace. In my opinion if she doesn't want to get dressed till beyond 8am then she needs net curtains for privacy.

cauliflowerkorma · 07/07/2021 20:27

I'd also agree the time of the day is an issue. If i was childless and retired i wouldn't want to hear someone else and their child directly outside my window at 8am. I'd say 9 at the earliest or 10 to be really considerate to all in a shared space.

You shouldn't have to but you could also bring a bottle of water down to fill up his can for the next time or two till she diffuses and then you can stay away from her windows so she doesn't feel you are peering in.

delilabell · 07/07/2021 20:28

The only reason I could imagine myself (see what I did there? No need for anyone to criticise the wrods you're using) being annoyed would be the time maybe? I'd just pass it off as a bad day.yanbu

GoWalkabout · 07/07/2021 20:29

Maybe she was just stressed, hadn't slept well or something. She might be mortified. Try not to let it bother you though.

SuccessfullySaved · 07/07/2021 20:33

I live in a ground floor flat with windows overlooking the communal garden. I would prefer if you left it a bit later but i would have just closed my curtains for 10 minutes and thought no more of it...she didn't really need to go off on one, as pp have said, maybe you caught her at a bad time

otterbaby · 07/07/2021 20:33

I agree with others, 8am might be a bit early. I wouldn't go until 9am at the earliest. But I think it's a lovely thing you're doing with your DS and I think you should absolutely continue! I'm sure he loves spending that time with you.

I can understand why you're upset over her reaction, but try not to worry too much. She might have just been having a bad day.

Brefugee · 07/07/2021 20:34

yeah - 8am is too early. Go back to your usual routine.

Luscinia · 07/07/2021 20:34

I think YABU. It's irritating to have people outside your window any time of day. Perhaps you could talk to her and arrange a time that suits you both. 8am wouldn't be it.

notangelinajolie · 07/07/2021 20:34

She thanked you for watering her pots - are they hers? My elderly FIL lives in a downstairs flat and has a few pots outside his window - they aren't much to look at but they are his and he takes pride in them, they have given him a purpose and something to do over lockdown. He would be upset if someone else from one of the other flats came along and took over.

I don't think there are many folk who want people stood outside their window at anytime of the day never mind 8am in the morning.

If the gardens are big enough - can you not buy a couple of pots of your own and put them in a quiet spot somewhere else? You won't need a hosepipe to water them, fill up a couple of litre bottles of water in your flat and take them down with you.

Another alternative is to get some house plants.

I think you were BU and a little rude.

cabbageking · 07/07/2021 20:35

Too early for me sorry. If it was close to my window I might feel exposed and vulnerable.

Original poster
NeighbourWoes · 07/07/2021 20:36

@notangelinajolie they're not her pots no they are organised by the gardener who also lives in the flats but has overall responsibility for maintaining the garden. He is the one who encourages DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeighbourWoes · 07/07/2021 20:37

It's made me feel uncomfortable like we have these friendly relationships with a lot of neighbours in the building and now I'm wondering if they're actually annoyed by us and don't like us. DS is the only child in the building of a lot of flats.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 07/07/2021 20:39

And seriously, why are you saying myself?! It is not myself. It is me or I. It is almost never myself.

Seriously Fiddliest how rude are you? I looked at OP's post, I saw one 'myself' and regardless, imagine correcting someone's grammar or writing style that way. (FYI, in many parts of Ireland this is absolutely correct to use, maybe it wouldn't be written down, true, but spoken, absolutely and it's not regarded as any kind of mistake).

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 07/07/2021 20:40

I’d be annoyed at someone doing this at 8am in the morning too.
That’s obviously what tipped her over the edge.

pegboardsu · 07/07/2021 20:44

I don't think you need to feel uncomfortable, it clearly isn't a problem and your neighbour has expressed her enjoyment of your activity, but you do need to be a bit more considerate.

I live with my 4DC in an apartment block, similar set up to yours, as in shared garden. Most of our neighbours are elderly and two apartments are a little older than DH and I.

I keep my children in until 9, preferably 9:30. There are two ways to enter the garden. One goes directly past our bedroom windows, the neighbours never ever go this way, they use the more discreet way.

You can't help where the window is placed, but you can bear in mind that 8am is too early. Do not do this before 9am.

chesirecat99 · 07/07/2021 20:44

I think YABU. Using the communal garden is one thing but if you are watering pots outside her window, presumably you are facing into her flat at close quarters. Doing at 8am when she might be undressed or sleeping is even worse. It's a real invasion of her privacy. It must be very annoying if you are there every day.

It's polite to keep your distance from other people's doors and windows in a communal garden. Bring some water with you and try to stay further away. Even better, why don't you use the back garden?

maddening · 07/07/2021 20:45

At 8am perhaps fill up in your flat and carry it down as it is quite intrusive right by a person's window, but otherwise yanbu to be in the garden.

MrMeSeeks · 07/07/2021 20:47

It may be communal, but maybe you could also be considerate and not be outside her window at 8am??
Would you like someone right outside your window early morning, just ‘because it’s their right’?

It’s watering a few plants for gods sake!
If it’s that important go get a few for the house or balcony Confused

Wearywithteens · 07/07/2021 20:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Fuckingcrustybread · 07/07/2021 20:50

@NeighbourWoes
You don't appear to be reading or even taking any notice of the comments. Many posters have said that they think 8am is too early. Please don't start thinking that every one in your block of flats hates you and your child.
It's too bloody early to be farting around with a child outside your elderly neighbours window.