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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . to expect a bit more help in children's ward?

243 replies

TiredStressedFrustrated · 07/07/2021 10:05

DD (18 months) was admitted to hospital yesterday (sent to A&E by GP due to fast, shallow breathing and high heart rate, but dehydrated, all as a result of upper respiratory tract infection and not being able to keep any fluids/food/calpol down). Since we've been here, I've been really dismayed at how hands-off everyone is - I've been handed a syringe and told to get eight syringes of water into DD every hour overnight, I was handed a plastic cup and told to get a pee sample (this has proved impossible, the tiny pee that she did I missed and it was absorbed into her nappy, even when she threw up everywhere, housekeeping handed me a pack of wipes and said "are you okay cleaning the floor up with these?" - this is while I was holding a very upset toddler covered in vomit.

Now don't get me wrong - DD is my responsibility and of course I want to look after her, clean up after her etc. It just feels like there's no support from the hospital staff at all - they just hand you the equipment for whatever needs doing and expect you to do it all, whilst they dip in and out and take obs every few hours.

Is this normal? I'm struggling to get DD to take the syringes but they just say "oh dear . . . " I haven't been able to get a urine sample but they tell me really need it so keep trying . . . I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired and stressed but I feel like we're just muddling through ourselves and we may as well be at home Sad

OP posts:
Noterook · 10/07/2021 11:17

I didn't say anything about not asking for help, not sure why that's aimed at me. but not doing basic obs should not be seen as acceptable just as they are busy, its very minimum of basic care.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 10/07/2021 11:45

I'm most puzzled by OP's husband's attitude.

What job is he doing where he can't take a few days off as annual, or special leave, etc, to deal with this situation?
Where his wife is on her knees needing help and a decent night's sleep, after spending 4 days and nights in hospital with an very poorly kid??

You have to tag team this sort of thing.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2021 12:07

If they don't know you haven't eaten then they cannot help....if you want help ask for it !!
Being in a children's ward is never easy

This bears repeating. I've asked if someone can please sit with DS whilst he's asleep so o can go get food, go pee, grab a shower etc. Student nurses usually. On quiet days I've been actively sent outside whilst someone sits and plays with DS because I've not seen outside for days. You need to try and be honest about how you're coping and the other parent needs to step up too

jgw1 · 10/07/2021 14:35

Of course there is no continuity...nurses need to sleep and see thier families too...you'll find if you are there long enough you'll see the same nurses.

Experience tells me that you know you have been in hospital a long time when nurses have been on holiday for a week or two, come back and you are still there.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2021 14:39

@jgw1

Of course there is no continuity...nurses need to sleep and see thier families too...you'll find if you are there long enough you'll see the same nurses.

Experience tells me that you know you have been in hospital a long time when nurses have been on holiday for a week or two, come back and you are still there.

And they look at you and say "oh, you're still here?"
jgw1 · 10/07/2021 14:46

And they look at you and say "oh, you're still here?"

Yup, although we had, had a week in ICU while they were away so had moved to the next bed space along.

And yet there is always someone else who is worse off. For the first few days with newborn dc doctors would come up from other specialties to see another patient who had previous occupied that bedspace and because the other dc had been there so long, were surprised a different child was there.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2021 17:28

And yet there is always someone else who is worse off. Yes though hard to remember in the thick of it. We brought our son home, he's 6 now. We were definitely one of the lucky ones. And our nurses kept me sane.

2old2beamum · 10/07/2021 18:07

I am a very old paediatric nurse back in the day when parents could only visit 2 hours a day and ofcourse we did all the care and loved it! Move on many years and our son landed in hospital for 15 months. Quite honestly I was wanted to care for him myself he needed me to do his cares I knew and understood him. The staff were brilliant and I must admit they looked after me. Some mothers made me angry as they never bathed their children and had to be encouraged to feed their child.

jgw1 · 10/07/2021 18:44

@2old2beamum

I am a very old paediatric nurse back in the day when parents could only visit 2 hours a day and ofcourse we did all the care and loved it! Move on many years and our son landed in hospital for 15 months. Quite honestly I was wanted to care for him myself he needed me to do his cares I knew and understood him. The staff were brilliant and I must admit they looked after me. Some mothers made me angry as they never bathed their children and had to be encouraged to feed their child.
My mum reports having been in hospital for a week when she was a child and not being allowed any visitors. Her grandfather worked at the hospital part time and so was able to visit her, but not her parents. How times have changed.
2old2beamum · 10/07/2021 18:50

jgw1 yes it was very cruel especially seeing not only the child in tears but also the parents it was heartbreaking but we did love our children.

IncessantNameChanger · 10/07/2021 19:03

What happens when a parent has other kids? I have a disabled child. Theres no way I could be with any of my kids 24/7 as I have 4.

Sirzy · 10/07/2021 19:08

@IncessantNameChanger

What happens when a parent has other kids? I have a disabled child. Theres no way I could be with any of my kids 24/7 as I have 4.
In my experience with DS in hospital (two different ones local one and main children’s one) if parents can’t/won’t stay the staff step in and do whatever is needed. I have known night staff take it in turns all night to hold or push around a baby who wouldn’t settle as parents couldn’t be there for whatever reason.

In OPs case it wouldn’t be the lack of help which would annoy me but the lack of communication and seemingly friendliness from staff

WeAllHaveWings · 10/07/2021 19:31

@IncessantNameChanger

What happens when a parent has other kids? I have a disabled child. Theres no way I could be with any of my kids 24/7 as I have 4.
When I was in with ds there was a toddler on the same ward whose mum went home at night (for a sleep as she couldn't sleep in the hospital).

The staff did what they could but they were still left for significant periods of time crying/whimpering for their parents. I offered to go over and try to help settle when ds was sleeping but was told to leave them because of infection risks and they would settle themselves eventually..

Dustyhedge · 10/07/2021 20:37

I hope you are getting some rest. My second seems to react badly so we’ve done the stint for bronchiolitis, had a few infections etc. It is absolutely exhausting but hopefully you can be reassured that children bounce back really quickly after a short stay. Getting a urine sample out of a dehydrated baby is bloody impossible and has caused us no end of stress. I remember carrying at the drs after being up all night with baby in arms and no nappy and she hasn’t done a wee but I had stayed awake holding the bloody pot. I feel like there must be someone that can invest something better. Now if we ever need to do it, I take a potty, put the pot in the potty and try to persuade said child to sit on the thing and watch tv.

I don’t think you are unreasonable to hope for some basic kindness and care. It’s emotionally abs physically draining being on a paeds ward with a baby.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2021 20:40

@IncessantNameChanger

What happens when a parent has other kids? I have a disabled child. Theres no way I could be with any of my kids 24/7 as I have 4.
I've seen student nurses stuck under toddlers for hours waiting for mom to come back and I've had to sit and listen to babies just cry it out because there was no one spare or HCAs walk up and down the wards with a baby on a sling (same baby). They do what they can but they can't do it all. Even on PICU with 121 care, they have to have breaks
IncessantNameChanger · 10/07/2021 20:58

Wow that's scary. I think I would put in position of asking for my other children to be put into emergency foster care if one was ill then.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2021 21:01

@IncessantNameChanger

Wow that's scary. I think I would put in position of asking for my other children to be put into emergency foster care if one was ill then.
The point about picu breaks is it goes to 1 to 2 not they just wander off and leave them. Neighbouring nurses look after each others
Intercity225 · 10/07/2021 21:16

yes it was very cruel especially seeing not only the child in tears but also the parents it was heartbreaking but we did love our children.

DH and I were both in hospital as children, around 1970. It was great - cooked breakfast, a big mug of tea mid morning, lunch, jam sandwiches and tea mid afternoon, and then dinner, with desserts like jelly and ice cream!! Parents could visit a couple of hours in the afternoon (my mother couldn’t drive, so she never came) or in the evening - when both my parents came. I enjoyed talking to the other children. It was a long ward, with the nurses sitting at a desk at one end - they could see all the children 24/7. Infinitely better than sitting in the corridor, where they can’t see any of the children, in bays nowadays!

DH cried when his parents came to take him home, as he was looking forward to the ice cream and jelly at dinner.

There was nothing cruel about it, as far as either of us were concerned; the care and food were far better than what DD got on children’s HDU.

jgw1 · 10/07/2021 21:16

I've seen student nurses stuck under toddlers for hours waiting for mom to come back and I've had to sit and listen to babies just cry it out because there was no one spare or HCAs walk up and down the wards with a baby on a sling (same baby). They do what they can but they can't do it all. Even on PICU with 121 care, they have to have breaks

The interesting thing about PICU, is that with 121 care, for a lot of the time the nurses have less to do than on a ward. So yes they may well be doing obs every 15minutes and keeping track of a variety of medicines, but for most of the time the patients are stable. But at times when they do have things to do it is urgent and can be life threatening.

WeatherSystems · 10/07/2021 22:21

@Dustyhedge

I hope you are getting some rest. My second seems to react badly so we’ve done the stint for bronchiolitis, had a few infections etc. It is absolutely exhausting but hopefully you can be reassured that children bounce back really quickly after a short stay. Getting a urine sample out of a dehydrated baby is bloody impossible and has caused us no end of stress. I remember carrying at the drs after being up all night with baby in arms and no nappy and she hasn’t done a wee but I had stayed awake holding the bloody pot. I feel like there must be someone that can invest something better. Now if we ever need to do it, I take a potty, put the pot in the potty and try to persuade said child to sit on the thing and watch tv.

I don’t think you are unreasonable to hope for some basic kindness and care. It’s emotionally abs physically draining being on a paeds ward with a baby.

It seems like a fairly simple invention to me. A kind of silicon she-wee type thing, that you put on under their nappy, has some sort of padding around the edges to keep some of the wee in and gets collected. Or maybe a sterile type of sponge that absorbs the wee and can then be wrung out. I suppose if they’re absolutely desperate for a sample urgently they would catheterise though.
boon · 10/07/2021 22:31

My son was in hospital as a baby about 18mths - 10yrs ago. He wet the bed and they put a pile of clean bedding at the end of the bed for me to change it.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2021 23:39

Oh yes @jgw1, when he wasn't being a bugger I loved having 121 nursing for the company. We were on in POCU for 4 weeks but those long days with DH at work and rare visitors, they were our life savers. I even managed to see my sister try on her wedding dress because I could leave him for an hour with his nurses. A very different job on the ward

Motherofalittledragon · 11/07/2021 07:59

Sounds very similar to my experiences with children in hospital too.

KillerFlamingo · 11/07/2021 10:30

Yep, sounds normal. You have to do pretty much everything, 24 hours a day. A month of it nearly broke me.

jgw1 · 11/07/2021 10:31

@boon

My son was in hospital as a baby about 18mths - 10yrs ago. He wet the bed and they put a pile of clean bedding at the end of the bed for me to change it.
For me with a child in hospital changing the bedding each morning gave purpose and structure to that part of the day. Although it would confuse the nurses that I had used my initiative and gone to the laundry cupboard to get new bedding and popped the whole in the dirty pile.