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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

. . . to expect a bit more help in children's ward?

243 replies

TiredStressedFrustrated · 07/07/2021 10:05

DD (18 months) was admitted to hospital yesterday (sent to A&E by GP due to fast, shallow breathing and high heart rate, but dehydrated, all as a result of upper respiratory tract infection and not being able to keep any fluids/food/calpol down). Since we've been here, I've been really dismayed at how hands-off everyone is - I've been handed a syringe and told to get eight syringes of water into DD every hour overnight, I was handed a plastic cup and told to get a pee sample (this has proved impossible, the tiny pee that she did I missed and it was absorbed into her nappy, even when she threw up everywhere, housekeeping handed me a pack of wipes and said "are you okay cleaning the floor up with these?" - this is while I was holding a very upset toddler covered in vomit.

Now don't get me wrong - DD is my responsibility and of course I want to look after her, clean up after her etc. It just feels like there's no support from the hospital staff at all - they just hand you the equipment for whatever needs doing and expect you to do it all, whilst they dip in and out and take obs every few hours.

Is this normal? I'm struggling to get DD to take the syringes but they just say "oh dear . . . " I haven't been able to get a urine sample but they tell me really need it so keep trying . . . I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired and stressed but I feel like we're just muddling through ourselves and we may as well be at home

OP posts:

ShakeTheDisease · 09/07/2021 17:56

I think babyname means OP absolutely CAN expect staff to give her baby oxygen. I agree. Who would do it if she wasn't there? Would it be ok to refuse treatment to a child whose parent couldn't stay overnight? Of course not.

More to the point, they had actually agreed to do it, but then not showed up. Ring PALS now.

Sirzy · 09/07/2021 17:56

If the probes are wriggling out then that would suggest they probably aren’t taped on quite right.

babynameneeded · 09/07/2021 17:57

@ShakeTheDisease

More to the point, they had actually agreed to do it, but then not showed up. Ring PALS now.

This is exactly what I meant, thank you

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 17:57

Yes, I realised what you said.

Jesus wept, this is like pulling teeth.

Let's break it down.

You say the OP can indeed expect someone to hold the oxygen, a direct disagreement to my saying that she can't.

So I ask you - who. Who can she expect to hold the mask.

Buy you won't answer.

babynameneeded · 09/07/2021 17:59

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

Yes, I realised what you said.

Jesus wept, this is like pulling teeth.

Let's break it down.

You say the OP can indeed expect someone to hold the oxygen, a direct disagreement to my saying that she can't.

So I ask you - who. Who can she expect to hold the mask.

Buy you won't answer.

You're wrong, unfortunately for you.

I said she can expect a member of staff to hold the oxygen.

So your 'who' is pointless because it's quite clear I meant a member of staff.

You're getting very frustrated considering you're the one who can't read

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 18:00

I said she can expect a member of staff to hold the oxygen.

Fuck me. This is painful.

Which "member of staff" might that be? Nurse? HCA? Cleaner? Consultant?

Or will you just avoid the question again?

babynameneeded · 09/07/2021 18:02

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

Well considering it was initially you who said 'a member of staff' then surely you know the answer to that question?

I'm not quite sure why you're getting so ridiculous about this.

It quite obvious that if OP is severely sleep deprived and needs help, a member of staff will be able to help.

Obviously that won't be the cleaner with their mop and bucket, but someone qualified.

perfectly summaries my face when I read your quite frankly bizarre responses

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 18:06

I knew you wouldn't be answer the question.

The reason why is because the answer is no one.

No one has the time.

Thanks for dragging that out way longer than it needed to be.

babynameneeded · 09/07/2021 18:06

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

I knew you wouldn't be answer the question.

The reason why is because the answer is no one.

No one has the time.

Thanks for dragging that out way longer than it needed to be.

I have answered. I said 'someone qualified'.

I see you work within the NHS. Me thinks you're a little sensitive to this topic.

KeyWorker · 09/07/2021 18:08

You shouldn’t have been asked to clean the floor. That was wrong and I’d complain about that.

I’m a paediatric nurse (I work only on neonates now but occasionally do a bank shift on peads) getting a urine sample is tricky, do they need a clean catch for cultures and sensitivity or can sterile gauze be placed in a clean nappy if it’s just for urinalysis? When it comes to medicine and hydration it really is better for your child if you can get it into them. You’d not like to look on while we pin them down to do it. The next step would be IV fluid or a NG tube but to be honest it’s less traumatic all round of you just get fluid into them via the syringe. Sorry you’re in hospital, but the alternative to you doing it is is doing it and that takes us back a good 50 years of progress.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 18:13

I see you work within the NHS.

And I can see that you don't.

Ravenspeckingontheroof · 09/07/2021 18:14

GOSH. HRTWT, and to be honest after the first page, I couldn’t bring myself to. You do all understand that the NHS is on its knees? The OP sounds like entirely normal day on a paeds ward. Next I’ll be reading a post from a parent expecting the paeds nurse to accompany them to the toilet and wipe their (the parents) arse.

babynameneeded · 09/07/2021 18:16

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

I see you work within the NHS.

And I can see that you don't.

Well done. Where shall I post your medal?

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 18:46

Well done. Where shall I post your medal?

You're a gorgeous soul, aren't you?

OP, I hope your daughter recovers soon.
I've been in an almost identical situation and I was so sleep deprived by the end I was bordering on a weird hyper, shaky, out of body feeling.
It's so unpleasant and stressful.

I really think you should consider your DH being at work as the thing that needs to give.

Best of luck.

MilesOfSand · 09/07/2021 19:05

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

Yes, I realised what you said.

Jesus wept, this is like pulling teeth.

Let's break it down.

You say the OP can indeed expect someone to hold the oxygen, a direct disagreement to my saying that she can't.

So I ask you - who. Who can she expect to hold the mask.

Buy you won't answer.

She said a member of staff, are you ok?

MilesOfSand · 09/07/2021 19:07

@Ravenspeckingontheroof

Yes, that’s exactly the same as holding oxygen over a child’s nose when the alarm had gone off, and the parent is too exhausted to do so.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 19:09

She said a member of staff, are you ok?

Again. I ask who?

A member is staff, I'm sure you are aware, range from HCA, nurse associates, student nurses, nurses, nurse in charge, matron, junior doctors, consultants, medical doctors, surgical doctors, paediatricians.

I'm sure you understand why I ask who. Still.

Unless of course you mean, any of those above?

ShakeTheDisease · 09/07/2021 19:55

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

She said a member of staff, are you ok?

Again. I ask who?

I'm sure you understand why I ask who. Still.

Unless of course you mean, any of those above?

You aren't coming across well as an NHS staff member with this. It's not OP's fault she's had very little sleep the last few nights and is now falling asleep while trying to care for her ill child. Nor is it the child's fault and they should be the priority here. It is not unreasonable to ask for help. Stop the guilt trip.

CassandraTrotter · 09/07/2021 20:05

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

She said a member of staff, are you ok?

Again. I ask who?

I'm sure you understand why I ask who. Still.

Unless of course you mean, any of those above?

Why do you think hospital staff shouldn't be the ones providing the medical care?

Op, I had much the same experience every time I stayed on the children’s ward with my son. Hardly any children on the ward. Staff stood around chatting. No help at all. Not even when he got up distressed in the night one time as a toddler and peed next to the bed. It was just left until the cleaner arrived the next day.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 20:16

I don't come across well as "NHS staff" because I asked someone which member of staff would spend an hour holding on an oxygen mask?

You're right in one way.

It certainly wouldn't be me holding on a child's oxygen mask for an hour.

I would never take myself away from my other patients, I would not put that on my colleagues and I would not risk my other patients.

If that makes me a "NHS staff" that doesn't come across well simply because I asked a person on a forum what member of staff she was referring to, then so be it. I'm good with that.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 20:19

"Stop the guilt trip"

I really think you should consider your DH being at work as the thing that needs to give.

Best of luck. flowers

This guilt trip?

Rainbowsew · 09/07/2021 20:26

Parents are more likely to get their own child to drink so that's not unreasonable.

It was unreasonable of them to ask you to clean the floor, that is the cleaners job and they should be used to dealing with bodily fluids particularly if you were holding and consoling a sick child. Don't do it again! Hope your baby is better soon x

WeAllHaveWings · 09/07/2021 20:38

Been there op when ds was 18 months old with a respiratory infection. He was in for 6 days in the end and it was knackering.

Your dh needs to give you a break, either taking annual leave or coming in straight after work and letting you go home for a sleep/shower until midnight /1am, then he can go home and get a couple of hours sleep before work.

Hope she gets well soon.

Rainbowsew · 09/07/2021 20:44

Yes reading your last post op, someone needs to give you a break or you won't be able to look after her yourself either.

Are you eating? Can't DH take some afternoon time off so you can go home change and sleep for a bit?

stellaisabella · 09/07/2021 20:57

The posters arguing between themselves, can you please stop it. It's not helping op in any way at all, behave yourselves. It's a distressing time and op doesn't need to read your petty bun fight.

I'm so sorry your DD is so poorly. Unfortunately, it does sound pretty standard. I've been in your exact position, although the meds were delivered when they should be.
You absolutely shouldn't have been asked to clean up the sick, that's shocking.
I think they assume she will be calmer with you and want to stop her getting worked up. I would speak to the nurse In charge and explain you're really concerned and not happy.
I also think your Dh needs to be off work. Your baby is in hospital on oxygen, and I don't care what job it is - he needs to be off so he can tag team.

I really hope she feels better soon

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