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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . to expect a bit more help in children's ward?

243 replies

TiredStressedFrustrated · 07/07/2021 10:05

DD (18 months) was admitted to hospital yesterday (sent to A&E by GP due to fast, shallow breathing and high heart rate, but dehydrated, all as a result of upper respiratory tract infection and not being able to keep any fluids/food/calpol down). Since we've been here, I've been really dismayed at how hands-off everyone is - I've been handed a syringe and told to get eight syringes of water into DD every hour overnight, I was handed a plastic cup and told to get a pee sample (this has proved impossible, the tiny pee that she did I missed and it was absorbed into her nappy, even when she threw up everywhere, housekeeping handed me a pack of wipes and said "are you okay cleaning the floor up with these?" - this is while I was holding a very upset toddler covered in vomit.

Now don't get me wrong - DD is my responsibility and of course I want to look after her, clean up after her etc. It just feels like there's no support from the hospital staff at all - they just hand you the equipment for whatever needs doing and expect you to do it all, whilst they dip in and out and take obs every few hours.

Is this normal? I'm struggling to get DD to take the syringes but they just say "oh dear . . . " I haven't been able to get a urine sample but they tell me really need it so keep trying . . . I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired and stressed but I feel like we're just muddling through ourselves and we may as well be at home Sad

OP posts:
EverdeRose · 07/07/2021 11:14

Ask for a Newcastle pad, they go into the nappy and soak up the liquid you then use a syringe to get the sample out of the pad.

Also have you tried any juice instead of plain water, maybe giving it in a bottle or sippy cup.

Neuts346 · 07/07/2021 11:15

It’s very tough, but apart from the vomit cleaning up this mirrors my experience too. I remember trying to catch DS’s pee in a little cup which was impossible. Tell them you’re struggling and ask what they can suggest.

Crappyfridays7 · 07/07/2021 11:18

I’m a paeds nurse and yes we need parents to push fluids so normally we do 5ml of sugary juice (some places use dioralyte with sugar in) sugar to keep blood sugar up. Given every 5 mins. If they are thinking a urine infection it’s likely to be a clean catch urine so pee directly into a sterile pot then sent for culture once nurse dips it so the bag/cotton wool might not be appropriate, but ask the staff if this is the case. Small kids don’t often tolerate us trying to give fluids and you can wait a very long time with a bowl for pee, I totally get it’s not a fun job but the drs do need it to help treat your little one. Do ask on ward round what the plan is going forward.

As for the vomit and having to clean up yourself that’s crap, we always help and parents often help us clean up but it’s not expected, I got told off for helping with my sons bed in hospital when he soiled the bed as ‘I’m not at work now’ they are lovely.

Depends where you are, short stay or an inpatient ward but could it be very busy - not that that’s an excuse but sometimes there are things going on which mean staff are tied up elsewhere, drug round/iv antibiotics/v sick child etc. I don’t think ‘housekeeping’ dealt with that appropriately at all, our domestics don’t clean up bodily fluids we do so they should’ve come to find a nurse or csw. As your child’s nurse I’d want to know she’d been sick and it helps to see the quantity and what it looks like. I think with wards only allowing one parent and no swapping it’s more exhausting and isolating as parents can’t move about in the same way. I hope things start to change but I can’t see it for a while sadly. You can comment on careopinion/pals or speak to the nurse in charge if you want to complain. Nothing will ever change if people say nothing. I’ve been the nurse and parent so I totally understand how it can be in hospital.
I hope your little one is home safe and sound very soon and things on the ward improve.

Houserenoqueen · 07/07/2021 11:19

Yes normal in my experience. We spent a lot of time in hospital with dd1 as a baby, also with resp infections. I wouldn’t clean up the sick, but everything else I have had to do. Please ask for more help. Hope you will be home soon.

Sirzy · 07/07/2021 11:21

Hope she feels better soon.

The only bit I wouldn’t expect to do - and would have refused - was the cleaning up the vomit.

Ds has been in and out of hospital and I have always done that side of things for him. Tbh it makes me feel a bit less useless!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/07/2021 11:22

I had a similar experience with Dd in hospital at that age, around 10 years ago.

I think it’s really crap. Yes they’re understaffed, but the parent is there for the child’s emotional support not to do the medical care.

I remember when my dd was sick in the bed, they managed not only to make a huge fuss about having to get involved with changing it - while I held and then of course cleaned a distressed Dd - but also to throw away her soft toy that she’d had with her!

2114time · 07/07/2021 11:24

Not my experience at all.

My DD was in hospital before Christmas (then aged 6) for some treatment and was on a general childrens ward. I had to tell the nurses to stop helping me with her as the kept coming and asking her if she was hungry/thirsty/wanted to watch TV. When she vomited the Nurse saw it and the only thing I had to do was lift DD out of her bed into the chair and change her clothes, everything else they did (I did offer and was told it's fine).

traumatisednoodle · 07/07/2021 11:24

Oh op this is awful. Of course they should be giving you support. Yes they'll be busy but getting fluids into a poorly 18mth old every hour is vital they can't expect an exhausted stressed parent to do it all while they just do obs
Sorry but they can and do expect parents to get fluids into reluctant and dehydrated children. Clearing up vomit though- no surely the area needed to be deep cleaned ?

Confiscatedpopit · 07/07/2021 11:25

Not our ‘wonderful’ NHS is it?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/07/2021 11:27

Yes parents can help get fluids in the child but not be solely responsible for the whole thing with no assistance.

BoxHedge · 07/07/2021 11:35

I would be worried about the dehydration, I am not medical so don’t know at what point they need to give a drip.

I would be clear to them with numbers, about what exactly she has drunk, don’t just say you are struggling.

If you are unsure how much fluid has gone in estimate on the low side, but state it as a fact - ‘one syringe in 3 hours’ or whatever it is. This might make them more likely to trigger action.

I have been in a similar situation pre-COVID, had to clean up absolute masses of vomit over bed and floor with no access to any bleach or even hand soap (it had run out), just blue paper and water from the tap. An hour later or so when we were first able to have a human interaction, I explained the whole area needed to be bleached as it had been vomited over, but I am not confident it would have been thoroughly cleaned, as it ‘looked’ clean by that point. Envy

JustWonderingIfYou · 07/07/2021 11:35

Yabu!

I think getting fluids in is a parents job. They are nurses not full time nannies! They don't have enough staff to syringe water into a toddler every 5 minutes whilst a parent is sat there anyway. Would be a massive waste of their training. I'd expect toddler to prefer parent to do this anyway.

It isn't that hard, have you never had to syringe medicine in?

Vomit cleaning should be a bit better than wipes, id expect the cleaners to do this. Are you sure the wipes weren't for your daughter?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 07/07/2021 11:49

This is totally unsurprising to me.

CaraherEIL · 07/07/2021 11:50

Could she have an ice lolly that would taste nice, soothe her and bring her blood sugar up, get some from the hospital shop.

CaraherEIL · 07/07/2021 11:52

There is a pad for the urine sample they have been hopeless not giving you that.

CaraherEIL · 07/07/2021 11:54

I think if you are bring left to your own devices, get her juice, something lovely tasting that she likes, obvs clear juice not milky stuff but try things she loves at home.

Sirzy · 07/07/2021 11:57

@CaraherEIL

There is a pad for the urine sample they have been hopeless not giving you that.
A peadiatric nurse upthread has explained why this may not be suitable
ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 07/07/2021 11:59

Flowers that sounds so stressful op. I’d echo the suggestions of trying juice if she’s not taking water. And asking about what the next steps will be if she doesn’t take anything.

UrsulaPandress · 07/07/2021 12:02

Reminds me of when DD was in hospital some 20 years ago. I spent the night in a chair by her bed. But I needed the loo and had been directed to the toilet at the other end of the ward. I was as quick as I could be but when I got back she had fallen out of bed and banged her head on my mobile phone on the floor. The next morning I discovered there was toilet right next to the room which I could have used. I was given no information or help. DD was given no pain relief which surprised the doctor in the morning. She was under the care of two different specialties so seemed to fall down a crack in the middle.

Save the NHS my arse.

Radio4ordie · 07/07/2021 12:06

I’m sorry. I found it a bit like this and then burst into tears on a nurse (my little one was a baby and I’d just had a c section so wasn’t exactly at my best) who then was really supportive. I think they were just busy and when I asked for help they did give it. Maybe tell them you’re struggling?

LazyYogi · 07/07/2021 12:25

Are you angling the syringe to the side of her mouth between her lower gum and tongue at the very back? Any stimulation there should stimulate a swallow reflex and you should get a few drops in at a time that way?
It's a good hack if you've not tried already but apologies if you have and it's not working! Flowers

Mumsgirls · 07/07/2021 12:25

Many years ago had to stay in with mine, I was the only parent. Mine was so ill I was walking the floor, other crying children ignored. Staff in office all night talking and drinking tea. Only came out for obs and med rounds. Removed any illusions I had.
Apologies to the good staff, but poor management tolerates too much.
One kind nurse did help me and gave me an hour rest one night, never forgot her.

SchrodingersUnicorn · 07/07/2021 12:26

It was like this 5 years ago too. I had a very poorly baby and was very unwell myself and could barely stand up but they insisted that I had to be the one to stay in with her, not my husband even though I had more than enough milk ready pumped and they were insisting it was all measured through a syringe so no breastfeeding anyway. I was too ill at the time to question that demand. Then I had to get the fluid into her (fair enough), and make a chart measuring how much was going in and how much I estimated was coming out both ends, with no help at all.
They also didn't have a kitchen area and didn't provide food or drinks for parents, and I wasn't allowed to leave her unattended so I couldn't get anything other than water from the water machine for 48 hours, despite being really unwell already myself. It was hell.

WeatherSystems · 07/07/2021 12:29

YANBU, and please make a complaint when you've left. It's really important that poor care gets flagged up and addressed.

The one thing I would say though is that I think often they tend to get parents involved in care as it's less distressing for the child. But they should explain that to you and check you're okay with it. The domestics stuff is bang out of order.

SueSaid · 07/07/2021 12:31

'Sorry but they can and do expect parents to get fluids into reluctant and dehydrated children'

Of course. However hourly overnight is quite a task so the op is not being unreasonable to expect a bit of support and assistance not just fleeting visits to record obs overnight.

Tbh I would suggest the sleep of her dd is of vital importance so an ivt would seem a better choice if she is that dehydrated. Hourly oral fluids during the day yes, not at night.