. . . to expect a bit more help in children's ward?

[TiredStressedFrustrated]

DD (18 months) was admitted to hospital yesterday (sent to A&E by GP due to fast, shallow breathing and high heart rate, but dehydrated, all as a result of upper respiratory tract infection and not being able to keep any fluids/food/calpol down). Since we've been here, I've been really dismayed at how hands-off everyone is - I've been handed a syringe and told to get eight syringes of water into DD every hour overnight, I was handed a plastic cup and told to get a pee sample (this has proved impossible, the tiny pee that she did I missed and it was absorbed into her nappy, even when she threw up everywhere, housekeeping handed me a pack of wipes and said "are you okay cleaning the floor up with these?" - this is while I was holding a very upset toddler covered in vomit.

Now don't get me wrong - DD is my responsibility and of course I want to look after her, clean up after her etc. It just feels like there's no support from the hospital staff at all - they just hand you the equipment for whatever needs doing and expect you to do it all, whilst they dip in and out and take obs every few hours.

Is this normal? I'm struggling to get DD to take the syringes but they just say "oh dear . . . " I haven't been able to get a urine sample but they tell me really need it so keep trying . . . I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired and stressed but I feel like we're just muddling through ourselves and we may as well be at home

Frankly it's I think it's the same on almost any hospital ward in the NHS. It feels like we're in a third world country.

When I gave birth the 1st time there were complications and I couldn't have a shower until my partner turned up to help for over 24 hours as I had lost so much blood I literally couldn't stand up or get out of bed. I was left covered in post birth gunk all that time.

Ditto the second time. I only got a shower 24 hours later because the breast feeding advisor turned up and I had to ask her to get me to the shower room. I then heard her telling the nurses they needed to change my bed because it was such a state. I had been asking the nurses for assistance and they knew I couldn't do it myself but it was always in 'just a minute'.

I didn't eat the second time until partner turned up because breakfast was self service at the end of the corridor and again I couldn't walk that far. I was in a single room ( not through choice) and then basically got forgotten about. If I did try and get help they were always too busy. Just as well I had a Cather or it would have been much worse!! There does seem to be an expectation that family will help with the mundane tasks. Both times they knew I couldn't get out of bed and there was consideration that I may need a blood transfusion but still left to my own devices.

Sorry but if you are staying in hospital with your LO it is your responsibility to care for your child and do as much as you can. The only thing I could not do was to change his bottom sheet as he had so many "tubes".

@2old2beamum Read the thread. OP had been doing exactly that for several days, and was scared because she couldn't stop herself falling asleep during the third night when she was trying to keep her baby's oxygen mask in the right position. She wasn't refusing to do things, just being human and needing some sleep!

@ArsenicNLace you're right, and it's been like this for years, pre pandemic, even during the years of greater investment from Labour.

ShakeTheDisease I may have been a bit weird but no way could I sleep when my son was very I'll even when he was being ventilated I felt he needed me.

Good for you. But OP was on her third night of this and of hardly any sleep. I don't think she should be criticised for the very human weakness of falling asleep after days of sleep deprivation.

I was constantly sent help myself to the clean linen closet, despite the huge sign declaring that No One But Staff Was Allowed Near It!!!

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There's some really unnecessary kicking a mum when she's down comments on here. I don't believe some of you would actually have said some of these things out loud to someone you loved who was going through this and phoned you in distress...."there's always someone worse off than you" is a low blow to a stranger on the internet at a low ebb.

I may have been a bit weird but no way could I sleep when my son was very I'll even when he was being ventilated I felt he needed me.

Should probably put yourself forward for an award if you can survive days with no sleep.

Oh no, wait, there is no award, because it’s impossible

@2old2beamum that's such a ridiculously sanctimonious and blatantly untrue thing to say. I very much doubt you remained fully awake for days on end - by day 3 you likely would have started having hallucinations, so you'd be in no fit state to care for a child anyway. So it's pretty irresponsible to try to survive on no sleep.

What's your goal in saying something like that? Do you "win" the best-mother prize?

When Ds was first in hospital a nurse pretty much kicked me off the ward on night 3, my mum stayed with DS but as the nurse said (and I hated her at the time) I was no good to him exhausted and I needed to be in a position to look after him when he came home.

It’s very easy to say “well I would never sleep” when you haven’t been in that position.

@Intercity225

yes it was very cruel especially seeing not only the child in tears but also the parents it was heartbreaking but we did love our children.

DH and I were both in hospital as children, around 1970. It was great - cooked breakfast, a big mug of tea mid morning, lunch, jam sandwiches and tea mid afternoon, and then dinner, with desserts like jelly and ice cream!! Parents could visit a couple of hours in the afternoon (my mother couldn’t drive, so she never came) or in the evening - when both my parents came. I enjoyed talking to the other children. It was a long ward, with the nurses sitting at a desk at one end - they could see all the children 24/7. Infinitely better than sitting in the corridor, where they can’t see any of the children, in bays nowadays!

DH cried when his parents came to take him home, as he was looking forward to the ice cream and jelly at dinner.

There was nothing cruel about it, as far as either of us were concerned; the care and food were far better than what DD got on children’s HDU.

I was in hospital in the early 80s having tonsils out, I remember us all sitting at a huge table having tea together with ice cream, I loved it!

30 years ago, I remember being admitted onto a ward prior to surgery and being handed a pack of sheets and told to make up the bed.

@TiredStressedFrustrated how's your dd now? I hope she's turned a corner and you're back home

Hi @dappledsunshine thank you for asking - DD just got discharged today, we're so relieved to have her back home and she's becoming her normal happy little self again. It's been a horrible week and I'm so thankful she's on the mend.

Thank you for all the comments and advice - I haven't always replied but I've been reading the posts, and I'm grateful for the support shown on here.

Brilliant news @TiredStressedFrustrated Such a relief when they are back to their bouncy selves!

So glad you're home op!

So glad you are home and your DD is on the mend TiredStressedFrustrated it is tough when they are I'll. Hope none of my comments upset you. Sadly 2 of my children did not come home so in answer to being awarded "best mother" I think not! Take care and hope DD's stays well.