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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . to expect a bit more help in children's ward?

243 replies

TiredStressedFrustrated · 07/07/2021 10:05

DD (18 months) was admitted to hospital yesterday (sent to A&E by GP due to fast, shallow breathing and high heart rate, but dehydrated, all as a result of upper respiratory tract infection and not being able to keep any fluids/food/calpol down). Since we've been here, I've been really dismayed at how hands-off everyone is - I've been handed a syringe and told to get eight syringes of water into DD every hour overnight, I was handed a plastic cup and told to get a pee sample (this has proved impossible, the tiny pee that she did I missed and it was absorbed into her nappy, even when she threw up everywhere, housekeeping handed me a pack of wipes and said "are you okay cleaning the floor up with these?" - this is while I was holding a very upset toddler covered in vomit.

Now don't get me wrong - DD is my responsibility and of course I want to look after her, clean up after her etc. It just feels like there's no support from the hospital staff at all - they just hand you the equipment for whatever needs doing and expect you to do it all, whilst they dip in and out and take obs every few hours.

Is this normal? I'm struggling to get DD to take the syringes but they just say "oh dear . . . " I haven't been able to get a urine sample but they tell me really need it so keep trying . . . I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired and stressed but I feel like we're just muddling through ourselves and we may as well be at home Sad

OP posts:
dappledsunshine · 08/07/2021 08:40

I would ask to speak to the nurse in charge this morning, it shouldn't be the way but all too often you have to be very vocal to get anywhere in these types of situation.

Is dd's dad around? Can you swap for a bit so you can get some rest?

Crappyfridays7 · 08/07/2021 09:12

You won’t see the same staff every day or every night, staff do, however hand over to the next shift every patient in depth then when they do the obs at the start of each shift they should introduce themselves and whoever they are working with. It’s shift work so no it won’t be the same person but they all handover very well.

Calpol is usually not prescribed at set times so I don’t know how it could be late? Did you ask for it and they didn’t bring it? I understand parents are clock watching but sometimes you’re still doing iv antibiotics when it’s drug round time and things run late, I often have 6 iv antibiotics for midnight but they can’t all be done at midnight as can’t clone myself, we can’t give paracetamol regularly just in case then if your child spikes a temp 2 hours after we wouldn’t be able to give anything so it’s usually given when we’ve checked a temp and it’s up, or your child is sore so that further doses are there when your child needs them.

Obs are usually done at set times ours is 8,12,4,8 unless dependency means children are on continuous monitoring or 1/2 hourly checks. Parents are very welcome to ask for a check if they feel a temp has gone up or they are worried and nurses are trained to notice deteriorating children and act appropriately.

Things to do today, the ward round will start with whichever consultant and either the nurse assigned to you today or the nurse in charge. Can you write down questions on your phone?
What do you feel is wrong with my child?
How do long so you think she will be in hospital
What is the course of treatment you Plan?
Ask about being left alone and being worried about her deteriorating, if they don’t know they can’t help and alleviate your concerns. This way both medical and nursing staff can become aware of your concerns and worried and address them for you. You do need to speak up, ask staff to help, ask for them to come and check your child in between normal checks the nurses will then decide if she needs more regular checks but if you just sit there waiting for someone to come that won’t happen, if you’re there and awake there’s the nurse buzzer to use.

Getting angry will not help you, but setting out clearly and assertively what you feel has gone wrong and how you’d like them to help you is a start. You can also put any complaints in writing once you’ve been discharged, nursing is about adapting to change and I have no problem with people asking why I do things or could I do something differently. Ask staff to sit with your child so you can go to get food or even a shower they can pop in and out if she’s happy in her cot or asleep but if you don’t ask they might not offer (we always make sure people are eating and able to take some time out if needed) nor every setting is the same so speak up op, and I hope things improve for your daughter.

whatisheupto · 08/07/2021 19:41

How are you doing OP?

deepbreath · 08/07/2021 20:31

I hope that your dc gets better soon. It's fairly standard on a ward. I did a lot when my dd was in for a fortnight. She was 11, was as tall as me, and I did most of the moving and handling. On and off bedpans, emptying bedpans, changing bedding, other personal care... but I didn't mind. I was absolutely exhausted when we came home.

Original poster
TiredStressedFrustrated · 09/07/2021 03:38

I'm exhausted. DD is on oxygen but won't tolerate the nasal prongs, so every time she turns her head or moves her sats drop, the alarm goes off, and I have to move the mask back to near her face. She's a wriggly sleeper so this is constant, every 10 minutes or so. Problem is, it's night 4 of barely any sleep, so I've started to sleep through the alarms.

I can't even see what I'm typing, I'm so tired.

OP posts:
toastjam · 09/07/2021 03:51

You're doing a great job, hang in there 💐

QueenOfPain · 09/07/2021 04:20

There’s a move away from the stick on urine bags as they are known for producing contaminated samples.

The ward are probably hoping for a “clean catch” which is why they’re hoping you’ll manage to get it in a pot.

Laurapb88 · 09/07/2021 04:21

Ask for help op you are no good to your baby this tired the stress and worry for your baby will not be helping anything maybe use the 24 hour swap rule with your partner or even your mum get a shower have a couple of hours sleep it will help you both hope you baby is feeling better soon and you can get home xx

Original poster
TiredStressedFrustrated · 09/07/2021 04:33

They gave up on the pee sample, @QueenOfPain.

I've asked for help with keeping DD's oxygen mask near her face and explained that I'm now so tired I'm sleeping through the alarms going off; they said they'd keep an ear out and pop in if they heard the alarm. Given that I've woken up to the alarm three times since I last posted, and no-one has come in, this isn't happening.

DH is working so can't do the overnights, and we don't have any family nearby, so unfortunately nights are on me.

OP posts:
arcof · 09/07/2021 06:01

If she's dehydrated why is she not on an IV? And she's now on oxygen?
I think you're going to have to kick up a fuss, I know you're tired but you are your child's advocate and sounds like she is not being well taken care of. Can your husband relieve you so you can get some rest and try to speak with the hospital? If he's working hopefully he can get a day or so off? Sorry things sound awful right now

dappledsunshine · 09/07/2021 06:19

Can't your dh take a day or two off work? You really need a break and to get some sleep, this isn't sustainable Thanks

Original poster
TiredStressedFrustrated · 09/07/2021 06:26

She's not dehydrated anymore, @arcof, I've been syringing fluids into her and she does now take bottles of milk along with little bits of food here and there. It's just her oxygen levels now - her sats don't stay high enough, especially when she's napping/sleeping, it dips to 88-89 so she needs supplementary oxygen.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredStressedFrustrated · 09/07/2021 06:28

@dappledsunshine thankfully he's off Saturday/Sunday, so I should get some rest then. Last night was bad - I asked for someone to keep an eye on DD's oxygen mask so I could sleep for an hour, was told absolutely not a problem, but they didn't do it. At one point I just waited and let the alarm sound for a few minutes - nobody came.

OP posts:
HelloDulling · 09/07/2021 06:34

Oh @TiredStressedFrustrated, much love to you. This is a truly terrible level of care.

If you are still in next week, can your partner take some time off work? You can’t do this all yourself.

MitheringSunday · 09/07/2021 06:41

I don't understand why OP shouldn't be getting angry, tbh. What she's describing here is bordering on negligence.

I think, OP, IIWY I would be asking for the patient liaison service.

5475878237NC · 09/07/2021 07:53

Did you ask to speak to the nurse in charge? Or PALS? This isn't going to get any better unless you formally raise concerns.

FAQs · 09/07/2021 16:42

Do they know what’s wrong yet? You must be exhausted, when my daughter was in the parents clubbed together to give each other tea breaks abs a chance to pop to the very expensive hospital shop.

Apart from one set of parents who popped to McDonald’s and ate it in front of their little boy who was crying because he was starving whilst waiting for an op Hmm

ShakeTheDisease · 09/07/2021 17:12

OP, google the PALS number for your hospital and say you've had no help with your baby's treatment for days and you want to make a complaint now. They should come to the ward. Don't let this go any longer. It really isn't acceptable.
Complaining after discharge is helpful for the future but won't help this child now, and that's what's needed.
If you can't get hold of PALS, ask for the person in charge of the ward and say you are ready to complain as things have got so bad. Speak up for your daughter now. It is merited.

babynameneeded · 09/07/2021 17:25

OP if I were you I'd be getting in the car and driving to a different hospital

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 17:25

DH is working so can't do the overnights, and we don't have any family nearby, so unfortunately nights are on me.

Sorry but you are being unreasonable. Understandably so. Given the stress and tiredness.

Your husband can help you.
His child is in hospital on oxygen. No work worth it's salt will sack him for seeing his child in hospital to help.

You can't expect a member of staff to hold oxygen over your daughters face while you sleep.

babynameneeded · 09/07/2021 17:27

You can't expect a member of staff to hold oxygen over your daughters face while you sleep.

OP absolutely can do this.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 17:34

OP absolutely can do this.

Who?

babynameneeded · 09/07/2021 17:41

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

OP absolutely can do this.

Who?

What Confused
DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 09/07/2021 17:53

WHO.

You said the OP can expect someone to hold her child's oxygen mask.

WHO can she expect to do that?

babynameneeded · 09/07/2021 17:55

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

WHO.

You said the OP can expect someone to hold her child's oxygen mask.

WHO can she expect to do that?

You said the OP can't expect a member of staff to hold oxygen whilst she sleeps.

I said she can.

Not quite sure why you're getting confused

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