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AIBU?

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Original poster

Absent father taking DS abroad

179 replies

Hopelessandlost · 06/07/2021 14:03

Hi

DS is 3, his dad only sees him when he wants to. Ive always contacted him every other week offering different times, locations etc but he hardly shows up

He has never been in our son's life and even when he sees DS, he just talks to me about legal stuff and how I should contact the Home Office and tell them how he's a great dad, so they should let him stay here (came on a spouse visa which was curtailed due to our divorce, now he's trying to stay here on the basis of our son)

Anyways, he started talking about how he wants to take DS back to his home country for 3 weeks next year as his parents want to see him

Can he do this even though he hardly sees DS? Our son cries everytime his dad comes near him, he's non verbal so he cannot express himself. I want them to have a relationship which is why I always message him asking him to let me know when hes free

Solicitor is trying to put together an agreement for contact and has put supervised, then unsupervised..then overnights

Ex is saying 'hes wont die if i take him back home will he?' No but it would be great if DS was comfortable with him first

Is he allowed to force DS to go abroad even though hes pretty much absent and wont spend longer than 45 mins when he shows up?

OP posts:
LIZS · 06/07/2021 14:22

So he is no longer entitled to remain in UK ? No way should you allow him to remove your ds. It is up to him to step up and establish a relationship first and his record so far is self evident. I doubt a court would agree with him taking him, it is an empty and potentially expensive threat

2bazookas · 06/07/2021 14:23

Don't be surprised if you never see your son again.

SugarHouse1 · 06/07/2021 14:23

It’s not up to her though, is it? It’s up to the Court. However, I think it unlikely that they would agree to him taking him overseas, given his Visa situation.

OP, please let the passport office know not to issue another passport for him.

timeisnotaline · 06/07/2021 14:27

Go to court. Protect your sons interests. Change solicitor if yours doesn’t take your fears seriously.

saraclara · 06/07/2021 14:29

You should stop encouraging his contact. You are simply feeding his visa case when clearly he's not really a father in any sense of the word. You're also making it more likely that officials will see him as having a relationship with his son that he doesn't have, so they might agree to him taking the child abroad, if not now, later.

Don't do anything that he profits by.

And not in a million years would I let him take your son. Hopefully the court will agree.

doadeer · 06/07/2021 14:30

Christ no way.

Your son is vulnerable as a non verbal child and his father won't be able to meet his needs.

I would literally lock up the passport, be very careful

Triffid1 · 06/07/2021 14:30
  1. Stop facilitating contact because this level of erratic is not doing anyone any favours.
  1. I'd be shocked if any court said that a man who barely ever sees his child, who is only 3, can take that child out of the country on a 3 week jaunt. So you don't have to allow it and you can laugh in his face if he threatens you with court.
  1. If you stop facilitating contact, and he sees your DS even less, that makes the case that he can't take the child anywhere even stronger.
  1. Practically speaking, would he even be allowed back into this country? Between his visa issues and Covid, I'd be surprised.
  1. I'd be deeply deeply suspicious of his motives and would be ensuring that I keep his passport locked away and that any and all communication is logged in case you ever need to prove how useless he is.
Mamamamasaurus · 06/07/2021 14:31

Hell would freeze over before this happened for me.

He's wanting to either stay here on the basis of your child - because he can't use your marriage any more.
Or take your child to his home country. (I speak as someone with a DH from another country, we've jumped through hoop after hoop re visas etc)

If your child has a passport, is it in your possession?

And stop contacting him - leave the ball in his court.

SpaceRaiders · 06/07/2021 14:32

What?! Do not allows this op. The risks of your dc not being returned are just too high.

lalafafa · 06/07/2021 14:33

he will keep your son in India, don't do this.

Watchingyou2sleezes · 06/07/2021 14:34

Haven't read the other PPs but

NOT IN A MILLION FUCKING YEARS.
YOU'LL NEVER SEE YOUR CHILD AGAIN.

RainingZen · 06/07/2021 14:36

Hide the passport. If you don't have it, apply to the Passport office to get it stopped. Tell him you will not allow him overseas with ExDH, for any length of time, And you will inform him if and when you change your mind.

Tell him if he wants to go to court over this issue, you will instruct your solicitor to apply for an injunction to stop the child being taken out of the country by him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/07/2021 14:36

My understanding is that India is not a signatory to the Hague Convention. Hell would freeze over before I would allow it.

tempester28 · 06/07/2021 14:39

No way!

Apart from all the other issues you would be sending him with someone who is basically a stranger.

MargotEmin · 06/07/2021 14:40

His solicitor also sent my solicitor an agreement and said if its agreed before the court date, we wont need to go court. So my solicitor has made changes so its fair to our son

This is madness, go to court so any agreement can be considered properly and made legally enforceable. If your ex really is just applying for contact to secure his immigration status the court will see straight through it.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 06/07/2021 14:40

Absolutely no way and STOP CONTACTING HIM!!! Your son doesn't need a relationship with him

tempester28 · 06/07/2021 14:40

Also if your ex does not have a visa he will not be able to come back to this country and so he will not be bringing your son back.

QueenBee52 · 06/07/2021 14:42

have you posted about this guy before?

DO NOT LET HIM TAKE THE CHILD OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

Keep the childs passport somewhere safe.

pasturesgreen · 06/07/2021 14:45

No no no no no!

Your son's passport needs to be kept under lock and key, and you need a new solicitor. Under no circumstances sign any documents drawn up by your ex's solicitor.

saraclara · 06/07/2021 14:46

Our son cries everytime his dad comes near him, he's non verbal so he cannot express himself.

I can't imagine for one minute, that the courts would allow this. Ensure that they know and understand that your child has no remotely secure relationship with him. And for goodness sake stop trying to create one.

EasterIssland · 06/07/2021 14:46

@Hopelessandlost

His home country is India. I have DS's passport with me. He keeps saying 'i'm allowed to go with him, hes my son'
You’ve to give permission for him to take him out of the country. Im Spanish and I’m married to my sons father. I’ve travelled a few times the two of us without my husband but even then I’ve taken a paper giving me consent to take my son with me without my husband. Your ex needs a paper signed by you saying you allow him otherwise you can repoet him for kidnap.

No way in hell would I allow this

LIZS · 06/07/2021 14:47

Does your ds have dual nationality? Could he apply for a second passport? If his visa is revoked could he take ds then use him to blackmail you into supporting a further visa application.

Imapotato · 06/07/2021 14:47

Do not let him do this. There’s a chance you’ll never see your son again. Don’t let him have his passport and don’t chase for contact. If your ex wants contact let him do the chasing.

MadeForThis · 06/07/2021 14:47

If his family want to see Ds then they can travel to the uk.

Can he get an Indian passport for your ds?

Jokie · 06/07/2021 14:49

No. No. No

No. You need to stop pushing a relationship
No. You do not let your son out of the UK
No visits until the court dictates it.

You should never let your ex see your son unattended. Listen to your son and protect him.
If he's had his visa cancelled, that's his problem and he has to prove beyond doubt that he has a relationship with your son.