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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 05/07/2021 19:28

Why don't you want him to have it?

ineedaholidaynow · 05/07/2021 19:29

He's old enough to override your consent. How does he feel about having the test?

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 19:29

I didn't have to provide a reason for declining consent, it doesn't have any bearing on my aibu.

OP posts:
GreatBigBird · 05/07/2021 19:29

YANBU at all. Complain.

GuyFawkesDay · 05/07/2021 19:29

I'm not sure what the issue is, unless he has particular needs which make it harder for him. Even then, sticking a cotton bud up your nose isn't so bad.

Batsy · 05/07/2021 19:30

she was in the wrong, however, at 13, i think your son is old enough to make his own mind up about whether he wants them or not.

Why do you object so much?

Mistressofpemberly · 05/07/2021 19:30

Again, why wouldn’t you want him to have LFT? Bizarre.

Oneborneverydecade · 05/07/2021 19:30

YANBU

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/07/2021 19:30

I think a more reasonable thing to do would have been to say to your son "as the medical procedure would be carried out on your body, you can choose whether to consent or not. It isnt for me to decide"

I cant even see why the school bothered to send consent forms home.

BluebellsGreenbells · 05/07/2021 19:30

Why are you happy for all his classmates to check their status to protect your child, but won’t let your child protect his classmates?

Bit selfish.

Batsy · 05/07/2021 19:31

if his only reasoning is 'mom told me not to' then you're doing him out of being able to make a conscious decision on his own.

Hercisback · 05/07/2021 19:31

He's 13 and old enough to decide himself.

GreenCrayon · 05/07/2021 19:31

He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.

He's old enough to make that choice, it should be his decision.

Howshouldibehave · 05/07/2021 19:32

Why on earth wouldn’t you want him to have it?!

Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx · 05/07/2021 19:32

He’s 13 and made the choice to have it… ..

Biker47 · 05/07/2021 19:32

"Invasive test" hahaha.

ineedaholidaynow · 05/07/2021 19:32

Why did you tell your DS that he couldn't have the test? Although we had to sign the consent form it was DS's decision whether we signed yes or no. I am also aware that even if we said no, he is competent enough to make up his own mind on the day. He could also change his mind if we had said yes

Celandines · 05/07/2021 19:33

It's up to your son at 13

purplesequins · 05/07/2021 19:33

yabu
at 13 he is old enough to give consent to a miminally invasive procedure.

milkytwilight · 05/07/2021 19:34

At 13 he is able to make his own medical choices I believe, regardless of what you have indicated to the school? I, rightly or wrong, assume it is the same as a girl of that age being able to access contraception of their own choice.

Daisychaincarrot · 05/07/2021 19:34

God you sound like hard work

NerrSnerr · 05/07/2021 19:34

Unless he has some form of SEN that may affect his ability to consent wouldn't a 13 year old be competent enough to consent themselves?

PurpleWh1teGreen · 05/07/2021 19:34

Coerced consent isn't consent.

I won't comment on whether it was a good decision or not, but you are corrrect about consent.

YelloYelloYello · 05/07/2021 19:35

I think a more reasonable thing to do would have been to say to your son "as the medical procedure would be carried out on your body, you can choose whether to consent or not. It isnt for me to decide"
^ this

Aprilx · 05/07/2021 19:35

I think your son overrode your wishes rather than the school, as I am sure they didn’t hold him down. I could understand the outrage if they gave him a vaccination or maybe some medication without your consent, but this is just a test.

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