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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 05/07/2021 19:36

Unless your refusal was because he has had covid in the lady 3 months, YABU. Good on your son for over riding you, as is his right.

Wimpund21 · 05/07/2021 19:36

Yanbu op. I'd be absolutely livid and I'd be making that crystal clear to the school.

Allowing a 13 year old to proactively override parental consent (or lack of) may be technically allowed - but not if coerced.

Completely inappropriate and unethical of the person who did this.

Ridingthegravytrain · 05/07/2021 19:36

TO all those saying he is old enough to make up his own mind, why have consent forms then?!

That is disgraceful that that happened, it’s not even like it was a mistake.

endofjune · 05/07/2021 19:36

YANBU

Whether or not you agree with the OP the boy was coerced into this, which is unacceptable.

OhRene · 05/07/2021 19:36

What a clever kid, overriding senseless decisions.

Mistressofpemberly · 05/07/2021 19:37

This is another reason to be glad restrictions are being lifted.
Sooo fed up of all the ‘special’ people not following basic rules, testing and vaxxing.

We are such a privileged society having easy opportunity to take on collective responsibility, protect ourselves and others. And with high quality healthcare to pick up the pieces if it doesn’t work. It seems like this devalues the appreciation of how lucky we are.

Three0fivepointfour · 05/07/2021 19:37

YANBU

My opinion may differ to yours on the lft but this isn’t about that. This is about a school requiring consent from a parent and that consent being declined but the procedure carried out anyway.

Saying that I think it may be better if you climb down from your livid position before contacting the school. I’d be livid too but it rarely helps.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/07/2021 19:37

@duckme

I didn't have to provide a reason for declining consent, it doesn't have any bearing on my aibu.
Posters on here are asking why you declined. Not asking what reason you gave the school.
Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 19:37

The school asked my consent and then have ignored it.

OP posts:
NotSoRealSlimShadyStandingUp · 05/07/2021 19:37

I bet you any money your DS wanted to do the test and be like his peers in helping to control this global pandemic, or your DS didn't want to draw attention to the fact that he wasn't having one when most do and he didn't want to get flack for not doing it.

Or, he didn't want to draw attention to the fact that he has a difficult, controlling mother.

Thanks for "doing your bit" by the way Flowers

Backhills · 05/07/2021 19:38

At 13 he gives his own consent.

Gladiolys · 05/07/2021 19:38

It’s a tricky one, because at 13 he would almost certainly be considered old enough to consent for himself. So it really depends on whether he didn’t want to consent and was pressured to do so by an adult, or whether he did consent, regardless of the fact that you didn’t.

If the former, then I agree you have cause for complaint. If the latter, you have to accept that at 13 he can make his own decisions on things like this.

It may be worth considering the possibility that your son is telling you he was guilted into it because he doesn’t want to tell you he defied your wishes, especially if you feel strongly about it and he knows if.

Snowbeau · 05/07/2021 19:38

Did he do the test himself or did a staff member do it on him?

VienneseWhirligig · 05/07/2021 19:38

I would complain to the DfE about the non compliance. I am not against testing at all and would encourage everyone who is able to test, but if permission was denied and your son initially said he wasn't to test, and was coerced, then that is not consent.

NerrSnerr · 05/07/2021 19:39

It may be worth considering the possibility that your son is telling you he was guilted into it because he doesn’t want to tell you he defied your wishes, especially if you feel strongly about it and he knows if.

I wondered about this.

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 19:39

@Daisychaincarrot

God you sound like hard work
Oh god, I am definitely hard work!
OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 05/07/2021 19:39

I don’t buy this.

Franklin12 · 05/07/2021 19:39

You sound incredibly selfish and self absorbed. Why on earth don’t you agree to a LFT for your son.

You do know we are in a pandemic don’t you?

MouldyPotato · 05/07/2021 19:39

@duckme

The school asked my consent and then have ignored it.
I agree they should have ignored your lack of consent. But I think at 13 you should have let him make the choice.
MouldyPotato · 05/07/2021 19:40

*shouldn't

Snowbeau · 05/07/2021 19:40

It may also be worth bearing in mind that if he doesn't fully understand your reasons for declining a test, he may be more likely to take one because his peers are.

SofiaMichelle · 05/07/2021 19:40

@Daisychaincarrot

God you sound like hard work
Yep.
itsgettingwierd · 05/07/2021 19:40

Normally I'd agree with your anger for ignoring a form.

But this is a LFT. Your ds. did it to himself. We are in the middle of a pandemic. And there doesn't seem to be any reason you refused consent?

Personally I don't agree with withdrawing consent and agree to totally with the stance of for the greater good.

SupermanInk · 05/07/2021 19:41

I think it’s up to him at the age he is at. But, if he said he didn’t want to and then was in any way persuaded or pressured even slightly, then that is very, very wrong.

Hertsgirl10 · 05/07/2021 19:41

I think by his age it’s up to your son. I’m not sure what the issue is? Haven’t read the whole thing just going by the OP