School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

[duckme]

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

He can make his own decision. I wouldn't take this further the whole things ridiculous.

If your son agreed to it yes, it's his body not yours. Anyway it's hardly the same as a flu vacc

Presumably all those saying that it's his decision would be similarly ok if he chose not to have any of the vaccines given at that age, like hpv or any COVID one if it's eventually offered and wouldn't apply any pressure on him to change his mind?

I think, to all those saying a 13 year old is of an age to consent, that until they are of an age to take responsibility for themselves they should not be able to form big decisions.

But he is at an age where he is old enough to take responsibility and he is capable of making such decisions. Even a court would consider him old enough to make much more life changing choices such as deciding for himself which parent he wanted to live with or to be vaccinated for example. Consenting to a lat flow test is not a big decision.

@chitofftheshovel

My kids’ school ignored my lack of consent to biometric finger printing. I sent a strongly worded e-mail about the importance of consent. I think, to all those saying a 13 year old is of an age to consent, that until they are of an age to take responsibility for themselves they should not be able to form big decisions.

If you think this is a "big decision" then I'd love to have a life as easy as yours.

I am also in agreement that he may have wanted to take it. But didn’t want to override you. So the easy option is to say he was forced into it.
I mean he is 13. He probably didn’t want to be seen as “the problem” child by his peers.

Guidance is that schools shouldn't proceed with testing in the absence of parental consent for under 16s. Do you plan to do anything about it?

We, as a family, did actually have a very in depth discussion about it. He wasn't 'controlled'

Yet you had to remind him he wasn't to take a test. Surely if he agreed with your reasons he wouldn't need reminding about the decision you had made for him?

I don't agree with your choice but no they shouldn't have pushed him in to having it
That's the whole purpose of having consent forms

@Notthemessiah

Presumably all those saying that it's his decision would be similarly ok if he chose not to have any of the vaccines given at that age, like hpv or any COVID one if it's eventually offered and wouldn't apply any pressure on him to change his mind?

If he were fully informed then yes, that's his right.

@Notthemessiah absolutely fine. My parents always asked me if I wanted vaccines etc at that age.

“ In your position I would write to the school protesting in the strongest terms”

Of course - this would be appropriate after schools have had to turn themselves upside down over the last 18months, reinvent the classroom, support your child, work face-to-face with children during a pandemic. Stick it to ‘em. I’m sure that won’t be demoralising.

@Daisychaincarrot

God you sound like hard work

This with bells on.

@ineedaholidaynow

He's old enough to override your consent. How does he feel about having the test?

This

But isn’t the point that the school sent out an parental consent form?

So it doesn’t matter what OP’s reasons are for saying no, or whether her son is old enough to decide for himself. The school decided parental consent was required and asked for it. Then this lady decided to ignore it and humiliate him for it.

That doesn’t seem right to me.

Were you expecting MN to agree with you?

At 13 years old, he can consent himself. I'm not seeing the drama, its a tiny swab twizzled in his nose, hardly a lobotomy. Unless they pinned him down and forced him you have no reason to kick off.

Why don't you want him to do LFTs?

I have to remind him to brush his teeth and take his pe kit to school.

Test is done now, move on I think.

Anyway, when I read the title of the post I thought the little darling had been drinking behind the bike sheds with his mates, and needed a Liver Function Test (also abbreviated to LFT). LOL.

So all of the other children have to suffer because of you, OP?

I cannot imagine why you did not want your son to have the test but I suppose that's your business. I think lack of parental consent can be overriden on some issues and obviously whoever it was thought it was important for him to have it. All the others did and he is old enough to choose anyway.

It's done now, op, and it hasn't hurt him.

Did it actually happen as described by your son? I would ask the school for their version of events first.

Then decide to proceed once you have all of the information.

For me, it's if his consent is freely given vs coerced.
It's a different risk/ benefit to something like a vaccine that has potential side effects beyond initial discomfort.

I have a very sensory child with ASD. Toothbrushing is enough of a nightmare, so I wouldn't consent to the distress of testing willy nilly, although the chances of a test being carried out on him without restraint and significant distress is very low.

You don’t speak for the whole of MN, Una

Some have said the OP is unreasonable and some believe she is entitled to be furious. Such is life.

As PP have said, I think if DS had responded with clear reasons as to why he didn't want to have the test in school, then that would likely have been a different story.

But with his saying at 13 "my mum says I'm not allowed" while being unable to elaborate, I'm not surprised they decided to probe his refusal a little more - it probably sounded like he didn't really understand what the test was for if he couldn't articulate his objections, so they likely explained it to him from scratch and he agreed to it.

I think if you have good reasons for DS not having the test in school, OP, you need to explain them to him so that he can make an informed decision.