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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
Notthemessiah · 05/07/2021 19:46

Regardless of whether it was right or wrong of you to not give your consent, that should have been the end of it and he should not have been tested or even 'persuaded' to go ahead, especially if he had already said that you had not consented.

This kind of pressure is exactly why consent has to be given by parents and it is totally wrong of whoever did this to have done what they did, regardless of their feelings on the matter or their motives.

In your position I would write to the school protesting in the strongest terms.

bongsuhan · 05/07/2021 19:47

Perhaps if there were an actual reason for not having the test, a reason your son was aware of, he wouldn't have agreed. But that doesn't seem to be the case.

BastardMonkfish · 05/07/2021 19:47

Sounds like your son decided the nurse or whoever she was made a better argument than 'my mummy says so.'

SupermanInk · 05/07/2021 19:47

If he consented due to beOMG pressured, that is very wrong. I mean, apply it to other situations and it’s pretty clear it’s wrong.

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2021 19:47

Poor kid

Let him make his own mind up

Planty13 · 05/07/2021 19:48

I doubt he was coerced. More likely all his peers were being tested so he probably happily went along with it but told you what you wanted to hear.

NotSoLongGoodbye · 05/07/2021 19:48

I would be unhappy too OP. And there is a whiff of coercion in all this. V hard for a 13 year to stand up to an authority figure in front of all their peers. It is disgraceful. Your son should not have been put in that position.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 05/07/2021 19:48

He might not have wanted to say mum said I can't in front of his friends. He might not want to tell you he was happy to have the test if you feel so strongly about it

Bloody ridiculous, if he has no additional needs and is ok to have it just let them do it ffs

espressoontap · 05/07/2021 19:48

You might be his mum but 13 is old enough for him to decide of his own accord. What's the problem?

converseandjeans · 05/07/2021 19:49

Or he said he would do it anyway because at 13 he realises his mother is being utterly unreasonable. And was probably embarrassed.

This ☝️

Have you considered that he may prefer a test & agreed to it.

You haven't said why you disapprove of something which has been designed to keep everyone safe?

NotSoLongGoodbye · 05/07/2021 19:49

I would have a chat with your son about consent and what it means too.

chitofftheshovel · 05/07/2021 19:49

My kids’ school ignored my lack of consent to biometric finger printing. I sent a strongly worded e-mail about the importance of consent.
I think, to all those saying a 13 year old is of an age to consent, that until they are of an age to take responsibility for themselves they should not be able to form big decisions.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 05/07/2021 19:49

Yanbu
The school should not have bullied a 13 year old into something which there was no parental consent for. Ltf are horrendously unreliable, they are a pointless waste of time.

HollowTalk · 05/07/2021 19:50

I just can't understand why anyone would refuse a test in these circumstances.

RogueMnerHidesUnderABigHat · 05/07/2021 19:50

I can't decide if op is a strong person of a type I really admire, or a GF.
Hmmm.

I agrees with most of the posters, it really should be up to the ds to decide. But the op might already know what the child's view is and be representing it.
Hmmmm🤔

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 19:50

We, as a family, did actually have a very in depth discussion about it. He wasn't 'controlled' - christ if you've seen some of my other posts, you'd know how absurd the notion of me controlling him actually is!

Yes, I am aware there is a global pandemic. Thanks though Hmm

I am a little concerned that people are so willing to blindly follow all the rules and restrictions forever and evermore and never question anything, that it's now considered ok for parental consent (whether you agree it should have been sought or not, it was) to be overridden, the verbal consent of a child to be overridden and a child to be coerced into consenting to a medical exam he didn't want.

If I had refused a flu vaccine of religious grounds and the school/school nurse decided it was for the greater good that my son receive it, would that me ok too?

OP posts:
IcedSpice · 05/07/2021 19:51

@duckme

I didn't have to provide a reason for declining consent, it doesn't have any bearing on my aibu.
but it would help people understand why you are anti - when it doesnt do any harm
CeeceeBloomingdale · 05/07/2021 19:51

He voluntarily stuck a cotton bud up his own nose, no one has man handled him. Maybe you were not clear in explaining to him why he shouldn't have it or maybe he didn't agree with you. I can't think of any reason to refuse one and as you're not prepared to share your reason I have to assume YABU.

NotSoRealSlimShadyStandingUp · 05/07/2021 19:52

Poor nurses, staff, and teachers. No wonder they all leave. I wish they could just get on with their jobs without maniac parents bothering them all the time with their nonsense.

santabetterwashhishands · 05/07/2021 19:52

Glad your son has more sense than his mum 👍🏻

leafygarden42 · 05/07/2021 19:52

Oh god, I am definitely hard work!

This isn't something to be proud of Confused

I really can't get worked up about this. He had a test - so what.

SupermanInk · 05/07/2021 19:52

You might be his mum but 13 is old enough for him to decide of his own accord. What's the problem?

The problem is if there has been pressure put on him. OP says he was ‘lectured’ and ‘gave in’. It doesn’t sound like he really made a decision willingly.

Babynames2 · 05/07/2021 19:53

I’d be thinking that it’s more likely that he didn’t want to make a fuss in front of his mates, likely being the only one (or one of a fade) to refuse testing and he didn’t want to stand out and be asked why so just went along with it.

Pixie2015 · 05/07/2021 19:53

I would give my son the choice and he did a really good thing taking the text

Newchallenge · 05/07/2021 19:53

YANBU. He should not have been made uncomfortable with his decision, by the school. Your wishes should not have been overruled unless he specifically said - my mum doesn't consent but I want to because x, y, z