Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
RandomCatGenerator · 05/07/2021 19:41

YABU for being so incredibly unreasonable as to not consent unless there is a very good reason.

HermioneWeasley · 05/07/2021 19:41

For those saying he gave his own consent, that’s not the procedure. The school asked for parental consent and it was refused. If they had an issue with that, they should have called OP, not bullied and coerced a 13 year old.

Has everyone lost their goddamn minds?

GreenCrayon · 05/07/2021 19:41

It may be worth considering the possibility that your son is telling you he was guilted into it because he doesn’t want to tell you he defied your wishes, especially if you feel strongly about it

I have to admit I did wonder this. It sounds quite likely given how apposed you seem to be. Why didn't you ask him initially if he consented or not before filling in the form. Unless he has several additional needs it should have always been his choice.

HollaHolla · 05/07/2021 19:41

I assume your son is Gillick competent?
He can, therefore, make up his own mind on this.

I have care of an older family member with lifelong learning disabilities. I explained testing to her some months ago, and she now brings me the kit when I go round with her shopping, to do an LFT for her. She’s not considered Competent to make her own decisions on medical care, but we made the decision together.
Can’t you have the discussion with him? Unless you’re about to tell us he isn’t competent?

ScaredNotAnxious · 05/07/2021 19:41

He's old enough to consent for himself - he doesn't need your consent. I think he's probably telling you he was pressured into consenting because you disapprove of basic, decent, normal things and he doesn't want to get into it with an irrational person. School staff have none of the time, energy, motive or willing to coerce your son.

Lavender24 · 05/07/2021 19:41

@BluebellsGreenbells

Why are you happy for all his classmates to check their status to protect your child, but won’t let your child protect his classmates?

Bit selfish.

OP has no control over what his classmates do so what on earth are you talking about?
RandomCatGenerator · 05/07/2021 19:41

@HermioneWeasley

For those saying he gave his own consent, that’s not the procedure. The school asked for parental consent and it was refused. If they had an issue with that, they should have called OP, not bullied and coerced a 13 year old.

Has everyone lost their goddamn minds?

Or he said he would do it anyway because at 13 he realises his mother is being utterly unreasonable. And was probably embarrassed.
Hercisback · 05/07/2021 19:42

It works both ways. We've had students refuse when a parent has consented.

RedHelenB · 05/07/2021 19:42

Well.done to your son. Obviously realised that my mum says I'm not to sounded pathetic and made his own decision. Maybe if you'd have discussed it with him he might have been able to say a reason when asked and therefore not been " co erced ".

blublub · 05/07/2021 19:42

That’s outrageous, he was publicly bullied into it! I would definitely make a formal complaint. A 13 year old is still a child and last time I checked parents made informed decisions on their behalf.

NiceGerbil · 05/07/2021 19:42

Well theoretically they were wrong to do this. Why bother getting permission?

In practice when you have a massive school and all these tests having to be done all the time it's a logistic nightmare for them and I would not complain because of that. This whole thing has been s nightmare for schools in so many ways.

If I get strongly I'd say DS had a LFT today but I don't give permission please can you make sure it doesn't happen again.

(The fact I think it's bizarre to refuse unless there is a reason, is another point).

Batsy · 05/07/2021 19:42

it could also be because he didn't want to be embarrassed by having to say 'mum said i'm not allowed' in front of his friends.

SupermanInk · 05/07/2021 19:42

Also, when the tests were being done at school, I gave my consent, but I let my kids know that if for any reason on the day, they didn’t want to, then they could say no and stick to it. It’s very important to teach children that they are in charge of their own bodies.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 05/07/2021 19:43

Maybe he did want to have it done and gave his consent but just said he didn't want to, to you because of your stance on it. Just a thought.

ScaredNotAnxious · 05/07/2021 19:43

@HermioneWeasley

For those saying he gave his own consent, that’s not the procedure. The school asked for parental consent and it was refused. If they had an issue with that, they should have called OP, not bullied and coerced a 13 year old.

Has everyone lost their goddamn minds?

Schools need EITHER parental consent or students' consent - not both. Parent and student both consent - test happens Parent consents and student doesn't - no test but student can have disciplinary action as appropriate. Parents don't consent and student does - test happens. Parents don't consent and student doesn't consent - no test.
Hertsgirl10 · 05/07/2021 19:43

But thinking about it just on the consent side, we have to give consent for everything so why was it ignored? If that’s the main issue then ynbu, I mean if they gave my son the vaccine when I said no then I would be fuming.

The tests are different but I see what you’re saying. I do think he’s big enough to decide.

itsgettingwierd · 05/07/2021 19:44

Actually if I'd have told my ds at 13 he wasn't to have the test and to tell the teachers I didn't consent he'd have told me straight he can decide for himself.

The same as the vaccine. He's group 6 and 16. When it came to having it I said I personally think he should for x h and a reasons but he needs to decide for himself.

He did. He had it.

m0therofdragons · 05/07/2021 19:44

I have a 13 year old and I’d let it be her choice. He’s likely telling you they made him feel he had to because he knows you disagree and he doesn’t want to disappoint you by saying he wanted to do it and his mates were putting pressure on.

Why people get so odd about a simple swab that can save lives is beyond me (nhs and I’ve been doing them since November).

warmfluffytowels · 05/07/2021 19:45

It's not your choice. At 13, he's easily deemed Gillick Competent and can override your decisions if he wishes to.

Taliskerskye · 05/07/2021 19:45

Did your son not want to do the test? Or did he feel he should do what you told him to?

Whinge · 05/07/2021 19:45

It may be worth considering the possibility that your son is telling you he was guilted into it because he doesn’t want to tell you he defied your wishes, especially if you feel strongly about it

Another one who agrees with this. It should have been his choice to make. However, it's clear he' worried about telling you he wanted to make a decision he knows you disagree with.

CupOfTPlease · 05/07/2021 19:45

He's 13 so I'm sure his consent overrides your decision to tell your son he shouldn't have a LFT.

Making a mountain out of a mole hill here.

3scape · 05/07/2021 19:45

He decided to go ahead with it. Children his age get asked about bigger decisions (such as which parent they want to live with). YABU.

singlehun · 05/07/2021 19:46

What's the point in asking consent from parents if they're just going to override/ let the kids override it?

I personally don't see why you didn't want him to have it and I also think at that age it's up to the child but I don't like them giving you a choice then taking it away. Why not be upfront?

CanICelebrate · 05/07/2021 19:46

You sound batshit! It’s a bloody LFT not a gastroscopy!