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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
TheDaydreamBelievers · 05/07/2021 19:56

I am totally for the regular use of LFTs

BUT, I agree OP that an authority figure challenging the consent not given, in front of everyone, until your son 'changed his mind' is not informed consent. I work for the NHS and in medical research and that is totally unacceptable. I would definitely complain.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/07/2021 19:56

I think yabu to refuse

BUT

school or anyone should not be overriding parental consent. They should not be bullying a child into doing what they want against the expressed opinions of the child.

If this were a flu spray or sex ed etc they wouldn't dream of deciding that the parents permission isn't relevent. Otherwise why not just line them all up without asking the parents and coerce them into saying yes.

So yes, I would complain even though I disagree with your choice

MrsMiddleMother · 05/07/2021 19:56

Of course you're not being unreasonable, they ignored written consent and then coerced a child into consenting, which the school obviously agree they're too young to do so sent permission slips in the first place. I would definitely complain!

chickenyhead · 05/07/2021 19:57

He did the swab himself. As is his right to choose.

No guns, restraints etc

gamerchick · 05/07/2021 19:57

You're being ridiculous OP. It's flying through the schools. Some bairns are really poorly.

Maybe home school him for now if you're anxious about a cotton bud up the nose.

Saz12 · 05/07/2021 19:57

At 13 he should be allowed to decide for himself. Was he coerced by parent NOT to have the test or by school to have it?

If the rule was “if you want to attend you must have LFT test” then would you still have objected? It’s temporary mild discomfort. Do you object / did you do anything to protest about care staff being forced to have the vaccine? Or to various workers having twice-weekly LFT test (unless they want to loose their job). I mean, if you really object to testing on principle then does that principle extend beyond your own self?

Serenschintte · 05/07/2021 19:57
  1. YANBU
  2. Definitely complain
  3. Seek and explanation and apology from the person who did the LFT
Soontobe60 · 05/07/2021 19:57

'my mom said, I'm not to have one'
So he didn’t say “I don’t give my consent”, he told her you told him he hasn’t got to have one. Maybe he doesn’t agree with you, and decided to have one anyway because thats what he wants to do. Maybe he's too anxious about making you cross because he doesn’t think the same way as you. You clearly have strong opinions about this - which you’re perfectly entitled to have, but maybe he doesn’t share your opinion.

ineedaholidaynow · 05/07/2021 19:57

What will you do OP if they bring in daily testing instead of isolation?

Bagelsandbrie · 05/07/2021 19:57

You can’t compare this to having a flu vaccine. Hmm

I think you’re being unreasonable. All children should be having the tests. It’s important, doesn’t hurt and takes all of a few minutes.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/07/2021 19:58

@LonginesPrime

As PP have said, I think if DS had responded with clear reasons as to why he didn't want to have the test in school, then that would likely have been a different story.

But with his saying at 13 "my mum says I'm not allowed" while being unable to elaborate, I'm not surprised they decided to probe his refusal a little more - it probably sounded like he didn't really understand what the test was for if he couldn't articulate his objections, so they likely explained it to him from scratch and he agreed to it.

I think if you have good reasons for DS not having the test in school, OP, you need to explain them to him so that he can make an informed decision.

But they've claimed they needed consent and then ignored it because they got him to agree to it anyway.
Bizawit · 05/07/2021 19:58

YANBU OP. The nurses behaviour was completely outrageous and unacceptable. You are not overracting. Complain.

However I do agree at 13 this decision should be led by your son and you shouldn’t impose your view on him.

20viona · 05/07/2021 19:58

@gamerchick spot on.

BarbarianMum · 05/07/2021 19:59

At 13 I think his consent will count for more than yours.

Notthemessiah · 05/07/2021 19:59

@ScaredNotAnxious

If he were fully informed then yes, that's his right.

It’s his right regardless of whether he’s informed or not. That doesn’t sound like an unqualified ‘yes’ to me.

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 19:59

@Bagelsandbrie

You can’t compare this to having a flu vaccine. Hmm

I think you’re being unreasonable. All children should be having the tests. It’s important, doesn’t hurt and takes all of a few minutes.

It's the matter of consent though. It's still something being done against my consent. But because it involves covid, it just doesn't matter!
OP posts:
ejhhhhh · 05/07/2021 20:00

Yeah, you kick up a fuss OP. It's not like the teachers have anything better to do than respond to ranty emails from unreasonable parents. It's not like busy with trying to keep kids in school, stop bubbles popping, and actually teach or anything.

LadyPenelope68 · 05/07/2021 20:00

@duckme
Id I had refused a flu vaccine of religious grounds and the school/school nurse decided it was for the greater good that my son receive it, would that me ok too?
Not comparable whatsoever. One is a simple swab up the nose, the other is a medical procedure where a vaccine is injected into your body. What a fuss you’re making over nothing.

Laiste · 05/07/2021 20:00

If I had refused a flu vaccine of religious grounds and the school/school nurse decided it was for the greater good that my son receive it, would that me ok too?

Yes, i think so. 13 is old enough to decide for themselves. Especially in the case of religion! There's a religion which doesn't allow blood transfusion. Wouldn't you applaud a 13 year old deciding to go against their parent's wishes in that scenario?

Terrazzo · 05/07/2021 20:00

If I had refused a flu vaccine of religious grounds and the school/school nurse decided it was for the greater good that my son receive it, would that me ok too?

Bit different as the flu jab is actually putting something into his body. I do think they shouldn’t have asked for consent if they were just going to override it, but you can’t compare flu vaccine to LFT. Covid vaccine to flu vaccine, yes. Vax to test, no.

SupermanInk · 05/07/2021 20:00

For me, it's if his consent is freely given vs coerced.

Exactly. OP says he was lectured and gave in, which means he was coerced. That’s wrong.

If he wanted it against his mums wishes and willingly gave permission without the lecture, that would be fine at 13.

thatisschocking · 05/07/2021 20:00

OP setting aside what your reasons were and whether your reasons might be U, I do very much think that the nurses' (and school's) behaviour here was disgraceful. No a 13 year old is not necessarily mature enough to decide. Yes a 13 year old is easy to manipulate. This is why we have various consent and other laws relating to age and parental responsibility.

YANBU

Jenala · 05/07/2021 20:00

This isn't really the place to post op. Of course it's unreasonable to ask for your consent then override it.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 05/07/2021 20:00

If they didn't want to have a vaccine then I can't force them!

If a parent refused to give consent for the hpv or covid vaccine and the child wanted it I think it should be their choice

WeDontLikeCricket · 05/07/2021 20:01

YAbVVU. At 13 he should be able to speak up unless there is something you have failed to mention.