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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
saraclara · 06/07/2021 11:33

but the OP has said that he would be happy to have the test if it meant him missing lessons, so not sure much coercion (if any) was needed.

He missed his lesson anyway, as the whole class was taken to the hall before this conversation occurred. So there was no reason for him to agree to it to miss the lesson. That's what makes it seem all the more likely that his account is accurate, and that he did feel pressurised to take the test.

FourTeaFallOut · 06/07/2021 11:33

The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends.

That's a no in my book.

FreakinFrankNFurter · 06/07/2021 11:35

There’s several issues here:
At 13 it’s your son’s decision to make.
What’s the point of a parental consent form if the school are going to ignore it
Coerced consent isn’t consent
But giving all relevant information - good and bad - to allow someone to make informed decision isn’t coercion

It sounds like he told the nurse ‘my Mum said I’m not to have it’ rather than ‘I don’t want it’. If it was the former then it makes sense that the nurse would ask his view at 13

It would be interesting to know whether the nurse gave all relevant info and let him decide, or whether the nurse tried to persuade him which would be wrong

C8H10N4O2 · 06/07/2021 11:37

No one who is saying the DS was coerced has been able to explain why it's ok for the OP to coerce him, but not the school

The OP is the responsible parent to a 13 year old, they have the duty to make (in their view) the best decision for the child even if the child doesn't agree. We don't know the details of the discussion here between the parent and child.

In the case of a medical procedure or some other cases an external person suitably qualified might well support the child making a different decision and give the child's decision precedence. That can protect a child against coercion from a parent which exceeds reasonable parental responsibility.

In this case that hasn't happened - a public lecture by an authority figure is not enabling the child's decision its simply coercing their preferred decision. The child's consent has been discounted, this time by an adult who doesn't even have parental accountability.

MadMadMadamMim · 06/07/2021 11:50

I think that if you don't want your DC to take a test to check if they aren't carrying Covid then you keep them at home instead. Don't send them into school where teachers have no choice but to spend an hour in a classroom with them - with no masks.

It's your choice to not take the test. But please don't then send them into a crowded school situation where they are a risk to other people's health. I speak as someone with long Covid.

Sittingonabench · 06/07/2021 11:52

As per previous post the issue around consent is really important and I have to say this thread has been playing on my mind as I think the issue (away from Covid or popular opinion) is essential. OP, please keep us updated as to how the school responds as I agree trust has been broken and I hope they acknowledge a mistake has been made.

Lovemusic33 · 06/07/2021 11:57

Same happened with my dd, she's 15 and has SN's . I didn't sign tue concent form as I was worried she would not mentally be able to do the test (as we had struggled with the PCR tests when unwell), school took her into the Hall to have ot done with rest of her class. I was a little possed off that they did it without my concent but it wasn't the end of the world and she coped ok with it. I spoke to tue school afterwards and they explained that all the kids have a choice wether to take the test or not, of they refuse they won't force it. She now tests twice a week.

randomlyLostInWales · 06/07/2021 11:57

This thread is odd it's a Consent issue and doesn't matter what views people have on doing LFT are.

Why ignore lack of parental consent and was the 13 year old consent informed consent or was it coerced consent.

I'd be asking questions of the school along those lines and seeing what response I got I'd then decided whether I'd find and follow their conplaints procedure upwards.

Original poster
duckme · 06/07/2021 11:59

I'm waiting for a call back from the school. I'll keep you posted.

OP posts:
ragruggers · 06/07/2021 12:02

Poor boy. He must have been so embarrassed in front of his friends having to explain why his Mum says not to have the test.Surely there are bigger battles at the moment.Chill.

thinkfast · 06/07/2021 12:03

The issue here doesn't relate to the rights and wrongs of taking the test. Personally my view is he should have taken the test without objection.

The issue here is that his parent withheld consent to the test, the child told the school neither he nor his parent consented to him having the test, but he was pressurised by a person of authority in a hall full of his peers into having the test. Teenagers are often susceptible to peer pressure. I can't see how the school could treat his consent in those circumstances as being genuinely and freely given.

Ps next time just consent to the test? These tests help everyone!

LondonJax · 06/07/2021 12:07

I work in a school and have been involved in the all student tests when LFT were first being introduced.

We had a couple of year 10 and 11 students who came forward for a LFT but on our computer system the parents hadn't given consent.

Our nurse rang each parent to check if that was an oversight and they were now happy to give consent. One said yes, the other asked to speak to their child before giving it. Both fair enough and if the parent had said no we'd have gone with that.

No child was brought down from their class if their name wasn't on the consent list and our nurse would have had our guts for garters if we'd so much as hinted that 'it was the right thing to do'.

Consent is there for a reason. Good luck with the school, it looks like someone overstepped the mark.

Cavalierqueen · 06/07/2021 12:08

Was any harm caused apart from a teenager being embarrassed by a hippy parent? (been there have the t-shirt) no actual harm was caused except he did something against his parents wishes. He's 13, brace yourself. If you are a lentil knitter mumyou can bet your boots he's about to be a corporate lawyer Grin

Cavalierqueen · 06/07/2021 12:09

This is so going to be in the mail tomorrow

LondonJax · 06/07/2021 12:09

BTW in case anyone was wondering how no child was brought out of lessons but we still had a couple show up without consent. Names were called out in classes but these two decided to go with their mates. Or, like most teenagers, had just switched off when the list was read out!

RedToothBrush · 06/07/2021 12:10

@ragruggers

Poor boy. He must have been so embarrassed in front of his friends having to explain why his Mum says not to have the test.Surely there are bigger battles at the moment.Chill.
Its possibly easier to say your mum says you can't have the test than to say YOU don't want the test though, in front of your peers.

So the setting matters.

candyflossss · 06/07/2021 12:10

If you had left anything to do with COVID out of your OP and only said the school had done something after you had specifically denied consent, the responses you've had would of been entirely different.

People have lost their minds over it.

LondonJax · 06/07/2021 12:13

Totally agree @candyflossss. If you give or withdraw consent that's it. It's not negotiable, it's not a case of 'well, we don't agree with your parent' or anything else. If you ask for consent from a parent, as a school you obey that consent (or not). That's it or don't waste people's time asking.

ineedaholidaynow · 06/07/2021 12:15

@RedToothBrush I think saying your mum can't let you do something is probably more embarrassing for some teenagers

Bizawit · 06/07/2021 12:15

@duckme

I'm waiting for a call back from the school. I'll keep you posted.
Please let us know how it goes OP. We can’t have schools behaving in this manner.
BlaBlaSmthSmth · 06/07/2021 12:16

@TheKeatingFive

A bit worrying that consent doesn’t apparently matter when it’s something you approve of. Great message that, Mumsnet. Slow hand clap.

Yup. Appalling.

This 👆 What a disgusting read this thread has been.
Iggi999 · 06/07/2021 12:18

The teenager was not forced to do it again his will. He agreed to - and I would totally support him being the one allowed to choose to test or choose not to test. The issue would be how the conversation with him went, and how much pressure was applied, if any.

Rockhopper81 · 06/07/2021 12:18

@MadMadMadamMim

I think that if you don't want your DC to take a test to check if they aren't carrying Covid then you keep them at home instead. Don't send them into school where teachers have no choice but to spend an hour in a classroom with them - with no masks.

It's your choice to not take the test. But please don't then send them into a crowded school situation where they are a risk to other people's health. I speak as someone with long Covid.

I'm sorry you're suffering with long Covid, and I hope you're feeling better soon, but the issue isn't actually around the LFTs, it's around consent - they're not mandatory, and so consent can be withheld freely. Whether you agree with the reasoning behind withholding consent or not, if it is withheld (and only obtained subsequently through coercion), then that's an issue.
Kolo · 06/07/2021 12:21

@Cavalierqueen

That just makes it weirder
Just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it weird. In future you could say "I don't understand why you are refusing consent" and wouldn't sound so obnoxious.
DeeCeeCherry · 06/07/2021 12:21

OP doesn't have to explain her reasons on here. You aren't entitled to know why she doesn't consent, or seek an argument about non-testing.

The school sent out Consent form and ignored details therein, staff member had no right at all to lecture a child into a different view.

YANBU OP and I hope you do complain.