Boyfriend told me to leave stuff at his, but take home dirty washing?!

[takeithome]

I've been seeing a new man since March. We met online. Things have progressed quite quickly in the few months I have known him, we have met one another's friends/family and I see him almost everyday. I've been spending 4-5 nights a week at his house. Around a month ago he suggested that I leave some over night things at his (clean clothes, pyjamas, underwear, tooth brush, hair brush etc.) That was because I was bringing a bag back and forth every time I stayed and he also said it would be nice if I could spontaneously stay at his without the need for a bag every time. I agreed a couple of weeks ago and he cleared out a chest of drawers for my stuff which I thought was lovely!

He began putting my things in the wash basket, (for example he'd scoop up our dirty washing off the floor in the morning after bed), so I followed his lead and stopped taking the dirty things home... after all, the whole point of leaving stuff was so I didn't have to bring things back and forth all the time... He's now text me this morning saying he feels a bit 'weird' about washing my things so early on, and would I mind taking my dirty washing home and then bringing it back to his clean. AIBU to think this is a bit strange, whenever boyfriends have left stuff at mine before I've never had a problem washing it. I'm not gross or anything like that either. I don't really feel comfortable leaving stuff at his anymore to be honest and feel like I might as well go back to just bringing a bag every time?

Is it just normal clothes or period pants in with it?

Normal clothes, including bras and underwear. I'd never leave period pants etc.!

It's not about you and what you're comfortable with though, is it. It's about him.

I agree with him - I wouldn't want a boyfriend leaving his dirty laundry at my place either.

Amazing first response

Think he’s realised it’s too much, too soon and it panicked him a little one day when he was sorting your washing out. You are rushing things a bit, you’ve only known one another for 4 months.

Can you leave a bag with change of clothes, spare hairbrush, toothbrush & toiletries in your car? Then spontaneous overnights can happen & just take you stuff home to wash. It goes both ways though. Don't let him leave dirty washing at yours.

So you get him to do 4-5 days worth of washing out of 7? YABVU.

I agree with him, sorry OP!

I'm not sure I'd want to be doing someone else's laundry so early on. It's all supposed to be about the romance at that stage!

I wouldn't be doing a boyfriend's washing after a couple of months, so I wouldn't expect him to do mine either.

In fact I'd be a bit annoyed at the presumption if I'm honest. I'd at least expect him to ask if he should leave his dirty stuff in my basket.

yep, i wouldn;t ever leave dirty clothes for him to wash and would think it uck if he left them for me.

I'd take it home tbh - I wouldn't want to be washing my boyfriend's stuff at this point. I mean, I'd do it, but I'd rather not...

@CoffeeBeansGalore

I was doing that, then he said it'd be much easier just to leave stuff at his. He was quite insistent about it, I was never much bothered...

It's a bit odd. You are presumably having sex but he doesn't want to touch your dirty clothes?

Is he concerned he'll ruin them in the wash, ie nice pale lacy knickers in with jeans etc. Or do you think he see's washing as women's work?

I usually take my dirty washing home although bf is happy to put it in with his. Couldn't you do yours yourself at his house, so he doesn't have to do it?

Ah. Fair enough. Seems most people agree with him.

I wouldn't have left the dirty things, it was only when he started putting my stuff in his wash basket that I thought it might be okay. Probably should have asked anyway!

My friend ironically said her new boyfriend of 6 months started leaving his dirty clothes at hers and she said it was too comfortable too soon. So take it home for sure! She has told him to do the same!

Nah I wouldn’t be doing your washing either. It all just seems a bit much a bit quick, and maybe he’s sort of thinking the same thing.

Not sure I’d be too happy with a new fella leaving his dirty stuff around for me to wash.

Take it home, or offer to out a wash on.

He’s being weird. You’re either able to leave stuff at his or you’re not. It hardly helps you if you still have to carry clean/dirty clothes back and forth.

I don’t undertake how you can be intimate enough to have sex but not intimate enough to wash someone’s underwear.

Or is the “ weirdness “ about the fact that he doesn’t want to do you washing? If so, then put on a wash of your clothes when you are at his or take them home.

I don’t understand why he put your clothes in his laundry basket himself.

Too much too soon. 4/5 nights a week is too much. You’ve only known him five minutes I wouldn’t be doing anyone’s washing.

I guess you being available to stay over more or romantic and spontaneous. Laundry is not.

I can kind of get that you haven't been together very long so too soon with domestic drudgery. Perhaps you have moved a bit too quickly.

Are you staying over 4 or 5 nights a week?

@Excited101

That was kind of my thought process, it doesn't seem worth leaving stuff at his if I am just having to take dirty things back each time. I might as well just bring a bag every time...

I never would have left dirty things if he hadn't started putting my stuff in his wash basket to begin with. That was what indicated to me that it was okay